(this is supposed to be a short fanfic about the final moments that Sylvie has after talking with Loki in season 2, episode 6, before he leaves to hold the timelines together. If this doesn't make sense, I would suggest watching the Loki series first! Also, this is just my little version, it's not 100% accurate since I did not create the original characters)
As he disappears, my reality swiftly begins to unravel before my eyes, taking along with it the only friends I had ever known. I am not afraid as the walls around me wither away.
I only have moments now.
Perhaps I should have kissed him.
Perhaps I should have wished him luck as he tries to save a reality that is not mine—will never be.
Perhaps…perhaps I should have told him I loved him as he loves me—but how could I? I am less frightened of death than I am of admitting affection. Love only finds you broken…betrayed…and utterly lost. Is what he is fighting for his own love? Truly? Could I have even trusted him?
I could have. Maybe.
The lights flicker.
He seemed so tired.
And forlorn.
I wonder how long he has been through this. How many hours…or years he has spent feeling entirely alone. Possibly not too different from how I feel now—standing as the fingers of reality ever stretch towards me.
I wonder how many times we have talked that I cannot remember, and what I said. Perhaps another version of me made better choices, ones she did not regret before perishing in his failed attempts. How many of me have died before he has figured out the way to save everything?
If that is even possible.
I…hope he finds a way, if not for the sake of the timelines, but for his.
The lights dim as what was once a safe place unfolds into utter darkness, and exhaling, I cling to a single thought before my body, too, melts away.
I did love him.
I did…
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142,024 Literary Works • 676,363 Reviews
Hia Inks! I saw this and was like “yay, another fanfiction and this time for a fandom I actually know something abt so I can head in with more knowledge than usual”
I like that you didn’t contract this to “I’m” here, it gives a really solid feel for the character!I’m also super glad someone else lifted this out of the Green Room. It rly feels like we need more ppl willing to read stuff away from there! So, let’s do this!
I must say, I found Sylvie insufferable in Season 2 (I did like her in Season 1. I didn’t like that they ended up in … this relationship sigghhh I also wish they would have leant more into the illusion magic Loki -and I guess Sylvie too- have sigh sigh sigh)
In general all the lines that follow are so punchy and work so well. A very beautiful flow. I am content :3
I do wonder if Loki’s decision might also be spurned by “I live in the world, it needs to exist”?
Starting from here, I think the writing loses a bit too much of it’s previous rhythm. It doesn’t flow as well for me. Especially the sentence starting with “possibly” feels out of place, as if with a slight tweak of phrasing, we could be back to utter contentment :3
That said this is a banger line:
That is also a good question. Some characters might even get angry, knowing that their SO went through so many different versions of this conversation, that the information asymmetry becomes unbearable. But given that Sylvie knows she’s abt to die, I like that she focuses more on what this means for Loki. She has already accepted death after all, he’s the one still fighting
Very nice fic thanks for sharing :3
Hello, hello!
I really like this! It tells me a lot about the narrator in a very small space and I think the contrast between being relatively calm about dying but terrified of admitting love is interesting. The only thing I'd watch is the amount of ellipses because there are quite a few throughout such a short piece and they start to lose some of their impact. I think the first "Perhaps…perhaps" works because it feels like she's stumbling over the thought, but "broken…betrayed…and utterly lost" could probably use commas instead and still carry the same emotion.
This is probably the most interesting part for me because it suddenly opens up the scale of what has been happening. Before this, I understood that reality was collapsing and he'd gone to save it, but this gives me the much more unsettling possibility that he's done all of this repeatedly and watched different versions of her die over and over. I'd actually love a bit more of that earlier because it makes his exhaustion and her thoughts about him much more meaningful, especially as this is rather short.
The ending works really nicely and I like that she finally admits it when there is no longer any possibility of telling him. It's suitably tragic without becoming too dramatic. I'm less sure about "my body, too, melts away" because "melts" gives me a surprisingly physical image when the rest of the reality collapse feels more abstract and eerie. Something like fading, unraveling or dissolving might fit the imagery you've already established better.
I also think you could potentially lose the final "I did…" because "I did love him" is already such a strong last line. This might just come down to what feeling you want to leave readers with.
***
This is really short, but I think it does a good job of making something huge and strange feel very personal. I don't know much about the mechanics of the collapsing realities, but I know exactly what matters to the narrator in these final seconds and that's her regret over what she didn't say. I especially like that she's questioning whether she could trust him right up until the end rather than suddenly turning completely sentimental because she's dying.
I think the biggest thing I'd want from a longer version is just a little more sense of him before he disappears. I know that he's tired and forlorn and apparently loves her, but because this begins after he's already gone, most of their relationship exists entirely in implications.
Thanks for sharing this! Cheers!
Lipton
Hey thank you so so much for the feedback!! I'll definitely keep this in mind if I ever expound on this!
<3
This is a really great piece, I like the itallics and description, I too have never seen Loki, but I also feel I can capture it quite well, I'm impressed, I feel it has an accurate description of one or two ways a person could be feeling as a person dies and captures grief quite well, well done!
Hey thank you so much!! I really appreciate the feedback! <3
Hi! I'm here to review this piece of fanfiction this morning! Now, I have never seen Loki, but I think I know what it's about!
Sylvie's sadness and heartbreak really pour through this piece. Starting with Loki's disappearance and then going straight into a 'perhaps' scenario is really effective because, of couse, when someone we love dies/disappears before we expect them too, we would start circling through our minds all the missed opportunities. I think especially this part:
characterises Sylvie well, as it seems that she is scared to admit love, and so doesn't, but she clearly feels it. Doubting herself and doubting whether she could trust him creates a truly heartbreaking scenario.
These small beats are really nice and make the pacing of this short piece effective.
Like I said, I've never seen Loki, so I am unsure if Sylvie here really does melt away/die/disappear too? But the imagery is really good either way.
I think some more description could elevate the piece even more. It would be nice to know the details of where this is happening, what is around her, maybe even a glimpse of what happened before this scene to make it feel more rounded, especially for those who don't know the story it might help them understand a little bit more!
Overall, a really nice, short piece!
Keep writing <3
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! I'll keep the feedback in mind if I ever expound on this later 😊 Also, yes she does "melt" away as I call it, technically in the show this version of her does (because the show deals a lot of different variants of people, especially in the end while Loki time travels back to the same point over and over to save the timelines) but instead she unravels like spaghetti, similar to the thing in the images lol 😂