You, who are broken
by someones hands.
You, who are victim
to somebody's plans.
You, who are fallen,
and cannot rise.
You, who are weak,
helpless in your eyes.
Live to entirety.
Accept your past.
Know that this pain, will someday pass.
Be who you are,
wherever you should go.
Because it is love,
that makes you the Hero.
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Thanks for sharing this encouraging poem. Question: all pain someday does pass because we all die. Is that what you meant?
Suggestions:
"....someone’s hands,"
"....of somebody's plans,"
I think that the twelfth line "....will someday pass...." would look better tucked under the line above it.
Know that this pain,
will someday pass.
----------------
Also, since the first eight lines aren’t sentences, they should be punctuated by commas.
Hey, I'm here to give you a short review!
I have such a soft spot on rhymed poems, but in YWS I am sceptic on whether the poets can deliver such an entertaining format of a poem. And I think you manage to do that. Not only the message is positive and heartfelt, the rhyme and rhythm that go with it are joyful. They begin to intensify more after the sad part of this poem. I can say I feel better after reading this because of these devices you use.
That is not to say this poem is without flaw, however. The first stanza has a missing comma (someones hands). I like the vague imagery of it though because it does give readers a broad medium to interpret, making it relatable to a large quantity of audience. The second stanza however lacks in imagery, but the rhyme is executed well.
Usually I would advise to keep the stanzas in their standard quantity of lines. For example, rhymed poems usually come in two or four-lines stanza, and since this is not a couplet, this rules out the possibility of two-lines stanza. And so, I would suggest to keep each stanza having four lines, and while this is applicable to the first four stanzas, I can see the necessity of leaving the latter three stanzas as one-liners, since the pause that comes with them multiplies the depth of each stanza. I can visualize a poet saying this out loud and giving me chills when he comes to these stanzas.
The Hero of what? Why do you capitalize 'hero'? I would suggest to keep the word as it is, and replace 'the' with 'a' since you're not specifying what kind of hero the You should be, and since the poem's title is Every Hero, it's more fitting to say that each one who takes the advice of the speaker is a hero.
And that is all! Keep up the good job!
Hi there, imyourdensity! Londone here for a review.
This poem actually has a rhyme scheme that stays in tune throughout the whole thing, and I don't see much of those anymore. Hats off to you for that!
One thing that kind of made me get thrown off was the rhythm, or flow of this piece. Though the rhyme scheme fits it well, it's a bit awkward in some places. Like--
I suggest making that into two lines.
There were also a few grammatical errors, but that can be easily fixed. For example;
Someone's* Would be the correct word.
I love the simplicity and pure hope this poem brings, and I think you've done a great job. I hope to see you write more soon!
Londone