The haunted areas pt2
Chapter 3 continued
I woke up in the middle of the mountains of the coaster and knew that I had fallen into a stress sleep, very common for me to do under stress and when I'm really scared.
The hole was absolutely dreadful and stank of rotten fruits and it was extremely dingy and murky. There was also a feeling of being watched around every corner of the cave, I hopped off the coaster and ran across the track now knowing that I was back on the ground.
I scrambled to find myself in the darkness of the night and heard a shout, “LIAM!”, yes thats my name,liam, it was luke, thank god he was here holding a torch right into my eyes to try and blind me, i told him to point it forwards not at me and he did, we had a nice chat about what had happened and that i was reported as missing back in ipswich, turns out i had been asleep for 2 days now and i should've been home back then at 5am, damn i said as i looked at my watch and saw that the inbuilt camera had picked up everything that had happened to me during those times.
I saw the sun start to rise in the east, weirdly this might not be our universe i said to luke, no your right, he said back to me. I was confused, what had happened and how Luke is here I thought.
He told me that now it's 2024 they have got universal and even realm teleporters and Luke got sent here, to hell to find me.
Why you? I asked as he didnt stop blabbering on and on and on, he said that he had a tracker in my arm from before I left and he saw I was in hell and only he knew how to use that radar thingy properly.
We heard a scratch of a bat/bird sounding thing and ran the way we came, booted up the coaster and was off, this time i was awake to see the whole thing, the bashing storms, the wailing ghosts, the howling werewolves and the monsters bashing on the coaster.
The arrival of the paranormal to our universe
We arrive back in the overworld above hell and I know I wont forget about what i heard, there is a search party and i can hear them so i run for them, i eventually find them and tell them what happened but i don't think they heard me because they kept…searching for me.
I went up to one and slapped him but my hand went straight through him, i looked at luke and he looked at me… we were ghosts, but not dead ones we knew that, or everyone else was, we noticed that the searched stopped 3 hours ago so we were either replaying the timeline or they were dead or just ghosts replaying what happened, what i won't forget is one of them just looked at me and said help me and then just vanished with a scream of pain.
Luke and i saw a bright flashing light that engulfed us and when we next opened our eyes we were back in school, “huh” i said confused, everyone looked at me and asked what was going on and if i was okay, i just told the teacher that i need to go outside, grabbed my stuff and waited for someone to come and talk to me about what i had just experienced, luke came outside and said that i wasn't crazy because he was there as well and experienced it all with me which i do remember now that he mentions it outloud, eventually someone comes along and takes us into a meeting room, we notice that it isn't a member of staff and its one of the members of the search party from my ‘dream’ as they called it, he asked what we remember and if we remembered him, now that he asks i do, i tell him i slapped him but he didnt respond and thats when we knew something was off with the world, he told us a bright light had made things clearer to people and the paranormal have started to come in, he knew all this because he was a paranormal investigator that helped search for us that night.
Me and Luke just looked at each other in disbelief and knew what we had to do, we told him everything and he believed us.
Guys i have no more info and i will get back to you soon although it might change to earth's hauntings maybe idk.
A hole opened into their universe? Interesting…could it be that their very universe is weak? Anything could come through. Earth could experience multiple dimensions coming into contact with it. Hopefully Liam and Luke won’t have the same fate as John. If they stick with each other, they’ll be as alright as they can be. These are good chapters! I’ll check out the rest when they come out.
I wish you a great day/night.
Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes again and I came here to review your part 2 of this interesting story. The grammar and the spelling errors are fewer here now and that is good for a young writer that has just entered this site like a few weeks/days ago. I see the growth of your writing style and how the plot of this story too.
So, you have finally introduced the name of the main character and a new character named Luke. I think you should capitalize the names of your characters. I have some suggestions for the [hopefully] upcoming parts of this story. You could write your paragraphs starting with a capital letter so it doesn't look confusing. I know it's fun to write in small letters and it looks good for your story. But as a young writer, you have to learn and improve to write more then you can do that. You could learn how to punctuate your sentences properly. You should also proofread your story more.
"I scrambled to find myself in the darkness of the night and heard a shout, “LIAM!”, yes thats my name,liam, it was luke, thank god he was here holding a torch right into my eyes to try and blind me, i told him to point it forwards not at me and he did, we had a nice chat about what had happened and that i was reported as missing back in ipswich, turns out i had been asleep for 2 days now and i should've been home back then at 5am, damn i said as i looked at my watch and saw that the inbuilt camera had picked up everything that had happened to me during those times."
Like this, sentence. This is a run-on sentence. it would be better, like this:
"I scrambled to find myself in the darkness of the night and heard a shout, "Liam!"
Yes, that's my name, Liam. It was Luke. Thank god, he was here holding a torch right into my eyes, trying to blind me. I told him to point it toward somewhere else and not to me. He did. We had a nice chat about what had happened and that I was reported as missing back in Ipswich. Turns out, I had been sleeping for 2 days now. I should've been home then at 5AM.
"Damn." I said and looked at my watch. I saw that the inbuilt camera had picked up everything that had happened to me during those times."
Overall, the plot is great. I would love to read more. Keep on writing! Have a great day/night! c:
Hey there! I read the last section of this work, so I thought I'd give this one a try too.
My suggestion right off the bat - is even though I understand you may be using minimal grammatical conventions for a stylistic choice, I think there are parts in here where the mistakes will distract the readers from the narrative more than any benefit of tone or characterization.
For instance in this very long run-on sentence -
I scrambled to find myself in the darkness of the night and heard a shout, “LIAM!”, yes thats my name,liam, it was luke, thank god he was here holding a torch right into my eyes to try and blind me, i told him to point it forwards not at me and he did, we had a nice chat about what had happened and that i was reported as missing back in ipswich, turns out i had been asleep for 2 days now and i should've been home back then at 5am, damn i said as i looked at my watch and saw that the inbuilt camera had picked up everything that had happened to me during those times.
"weirdly this might not be our universe i said to luke"
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