Okay so I have read this in front of three audiences and have it on two other sites. I know it's not my best work--maybe not even that good--but I am simply wanting confirmation that I have not been looking like a total idiot.
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They live by night not by day,
They can make your fears both come and go away.
Beneath the moon their teeth shine bright,
Withing the streets they prowl at night.
With skin as pale and white as snow,
But if you take a closer look they go.
I feel there breath upon my back,
and pray that I might not be a snack.
They are always such a thing to admire,
the lovely, the beautiful,vampire.
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,561 Reviews
Your poem is very ideal, yet very well written. It is very descriptive, and you use allot of words that aren't ideal or used everyday, and you don't go on into long, confusing words you don't see every day that most people don't know. I liked it! Keep on writing!
This poem is very well written. However the first thing I noticed was that you are spelling "there" wrong. It should be "their". As a tip for future writing-and possibly revising-I suggest using more powerful words. As I read this I had the impression that you were stating facts about vampires. When I looked at your username, it became clear that you REALLY like them. To portray this to your audience I would suggest words like "starving" "quenching" "guzzeling" "stalking" "impure" etc...
These are just a few things that I think you could improve on, but this is a nice poem none the less. Keep up the good work.