Moon light through window,
I bask in its cool crisp light,
It calls down to me.
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142,215 Literary Works • 677,032 Reviews
Thanks for the comments!
Thanks I completely missed the 'though' 'through' thing for some reason
and yeah I think I'll change it to 'window'
Thanks again!
Firstly - this was really good. I loved the last line.
could have been about several things in several places, whereas the second line was definitely one place, so the perspective shifts in an unpleasant way. I think just a small alteration to the first line so it sounds like one place or one window.However, (and I am not really sure how to explain this) the first line
The first replier picked out all the details like 'though' and 'through' - so there's not much else to say except - well done! I particularly like 'crisp' as a description of the moonlight.
This was good. I liked the imagery and the haiku-ness (let's pretend that's a word...) of it. Just a few little nit-picks I have. First, I think moonlight is one word. Also, "it's" should be "its", and I think that in the first line "though" is supposed to be "through". In the second line, try to find a synonym for light. You used it just in the first line, so it sounds kind of repetitive. Other than that, good job.