Fire burns bright in the trees
When in blows the autumn breeze.
~~~
The hearth serves as home for fire
When to their dens the bears retire.
~~~
Fire grows up from the ground
In the season where lost life is found.
~~~
High in the sky burns a fire, the sun,
In the season of merriment, joy, and fun.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,665 Literary Works • 673,584 Reviews
What a sweet and warm poem. It is reminiscent of a haiku, and fills you up with mirth and delight. It's pleasing and kind, with an old and homey vibe. It makes one think of hot chocolate and autumn leaves, dappled with the vibrant oranges and yellows and subdued reds with that season. Very jovial and, you could say, pleasing to the pallet. Wonderful. Just wonderful.
Thank you so much! Your review in itself is "pleasing to the pallet"
Hi hemi828, Felistia here with a review for you on the wonderful day.
Theme: I really like that you used fire as the main character in this poem. I do feel like you could expand the poem a bit, but that's just a suggestion. One problem that I found in your poem is that the word fire was really over used. Maybe replace it with flame or inferno. I like the theme of autumn in the poem, because the best way to describe autumn is fire red and making the fire such a big part really brought that out for me.
Description: I feel that there is a lot of space for description in this poem, but I don't feel like you seized the chance. You could describe the fire since it is the main component in the poem. Like in the sentence (Fire grows up from the ground) you could say (Rich crimson red fire grows up from the ground) But then again that is just a suggestion.
Grammar and Punctuation: (When to their dens the bears retire.) I think it would flow better if you put a comma between (dens) and (the).
(When in blows the autumn breeze.) I had trouble with this sentence and had to read it twice to understand it. I think placing a comma between (blows) and (the). Warning: I could be completely wrong when it comes to poetry punctuation.
Small suggestions: Nothing that I haven't already mentioned.
Overall I found it an interesting poem and I look forward to more of your poems. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend: Felistia.
I think it's quite simple. Maybe that's the point of the poem but I'd prefer more figurative speech.
Yeah it's certainly not my best stuff but it's just simple and short - I totally see what you mean though
Hey! o(*^▽^*)o
I really liked this poem and I found little things here and there but nothing else.
"When in blows the autumn breeze."
This line confused me. I had to reread over the stanza to understand what you were saying.
Also I found that the poem didn't flow very well. I kinda felt all over the place. You were talking about fires, bears, the sun, lost life, merriment, joy and fun. It seemed like it was missing something to tie it all together.
Other than that I really liked this poem. I'd love to read your other poems.
Never ever stop writing ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡
Rachel
P.S. sorry this review was so short (﹡ᵗ ᵔ ᵗ ﹡)
Thanks so much! I understand what you mean - the thing to tie it together is supposed to be fire actually, but maybe more parallel structure would've made that clearer. Sweet review though
Glad I could help!%u256D(%u2661%uFF65%u3142%uFF65)%u0648 %u0311%u0311
Hello!
Good Day Chap!!
Honestly, fires have always amazed me not for the destruction they cause but for their flames, warmth, passion and attitude.
I love the way you have expressed fires optimistically and the relation with nature just makes it adorable!
There are many impressive qualities of your poem: the rhyming scheme, theme and the smooth flow are some of them which i noticed.
And i suppose in the second stanza you symbolized bears for humans.
It is tough to critically examine some short but superior poems as this one.
Aww thanks so much! Your review made my day. Yeah I just wrote this when inspiration struck because fire really is a fascinating thing.