Young Writers Society

Hello! I've been waiting for you to post a poem...*rubs hands together evilly*. Let's get this review started! (and this has been forever, sorry!)

First of all, formatting. To create a new line press shift and then press enter. I think you wanted to do that in this poem?

Punctuation:

After "Goodnight" in the first line, put a comma because the speaker is addressing someone. It should read: "Goodnight, my beloved." This also applies to every other line where the speaker is addressing the beloved. The first line, the fifth line, the ninth line, and the thirteenth line.

Other than that, great job! I love this poem; your rhyme scheme is super solid and your similes (that related to nature, I noticed, which made me think that one of your themes was that love is natural) are great. You have a really sweet nostalgia-driven poem here. Nice job!

Hello, hemi828~
It's Swordfish here with a review! I noticed you joined just three days ago, so I would like to welcome you to the Young Writer's Society (YWS)! I really hope you enjoy the community here, it's one of the best! You can go into chat and make friends, and I'm glad to see you decided to post one of your works!
I decided to review this because it's a lullaby, and I have seen /lots/ of lullabies before. I can't be too picky, because there are many similar lullabies out there, and most of the lullaby is very common (I mean, they are all about sleeping).
I noticed you made no grammar mistakes/errors so I can't say anything about that except give you a thumbs up.
Along the same lines as PancakeAndWaffle, I think that-

If I were an oyster, you'd be my bright pearl.

Hello!! I thought this poem was very unique and beautiful. It has such a beautiful tone to it. Also, I didn't see any grammar mistakes at all, good job!! Loved it! I give this a 10/10! Keep writing and being awesome!

This is so sweet, I love it! Everything here is good, the grammar, the line placement, and the sentiment in the poem. However, I feel the part "If I were an oyster, you'd be my bright pearl." is a tad random. I understand it's a type of metaphor, but it feels different than the other ones. Comparing someone to a bright star in the sky shows they are the light in the darkness, the hope or meaning for a person which is what the poem is conveying. It also keeps with the "sleeping" feel, a dark starry night and sleep share a consistency together. While an oyster and pearl also has that "you are the light of my life" feel, it gives a more sunny day on the beach image, which goes against the calm, peaceful, night time atmosphere. This is just my opinion so do what you will with it, plus I understand it's hard to try and edit a poem without ruining the rhyme. Anyway, overall I enjoyed it and it's sweetness. Great job!

Pancake~

Hola me amigo, (Hello my friend) Dogs here to review. So I really liked your poem, and I thought it was very sweet.

So, I didn't really find many nitpicks, but I do have a few suggestions on how you could change things, your not wrong at all, but I'm just going to give you a few tips.

Nothing will hurt you,
no fist and no knife.