I look at my school's social life like i'm behind a velvet rope in a museum. I look at it from every angle, with some paintings like a still life, others like Pablo Picasso's. The way people date and break up within a month, while fighting with their friends, while making new ones, while keeping updated on Instagram, AND focusing on school work is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY beyond me. So I keep my six or so close friends close, try my hardest not to get involved in drama, stay off social media (because I hate it ;P) focus on getting straight A+'s, and try not to make enemies. And I'm successful. I try. And people who are so tangled up in the web of social life are struggling. Enter, stress. Enter, bad grades. Enter, repercussions. So I walk out of the museum and paint my own little painting for my own museum.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey Haywire! I'm Nike here with some constructive criticism.
Honestly, this wasn't a short story. Thing was more like a blog post. It has no depth. It's kind of just talking. I like it, I'm not saying I don't. It's a nice read and people can relate to it. But I would not consider it a short story.
Using Picasso is great. We can imagine this. But is school really that special? That pretty? Comparing school to a museum isn't easy.
This is so true. How do people do this? No idea. I can't, that's for sure. Haha. The way you wrote AND and WAAAAAAAAY isn't something we use in writing so much. But you used it in a good way, it emphasizes the thought and it works here.
I don't like how you used that face ;P in writing.
The rest of this story is actually your best. It's well written. I like this part the most. The way you wrote Enter this, Enter that was real good. It felt like someone was writing on the computer a diary or something. The way you use museum still confuses me, because I cannot comprehend the similarities.
All in all, great idea. You can make this better, into a bigger story. This is good. Great job!
Nice job. This perspective on high school brings an interesting view of teenage hood to the reader as it makes you think about it in a different way then most people would. Still, I can't much on this story because it doesn't have much going on in it and it's very short. However, I would suggest that you refrain from using expressions like "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY' in your writing because it doesn't make this look very polished or as readable even if it does help emphasize a point you're trying to make. Still, it wasn't a bad read. Great job. -IceWinifredd
Thanks for reviewing my piece and I'm here to return the favor!
Hi!
This is an interesting take on high school life, I like that you wrote this in the perspective of an outsider looking through a glass.
I also like the informal tone of the piece, it makes your account more credible.
It's kind of like a diary entry in some ways, because it does not have the formal stylings of a short story.
I really like this, and I can relate, being a high school student an all, struggling with the same things, though I must admit, I quite enjoy social media. :p
I kind of think it's too short though. This feels like an introduction to something, and we anticipate what is next but that never comes and so it is a little underwhelming. I don't know if you are adding to it in future, but I think it would be great if you did. For example you could introduce us to your own little painting in your own museum. That would show us how you are different from the rest of the people in the other museum.
Happy Writing!
Thanks for the suggestions. I was wondering if I should write more on this, but I didn't want to bore people to death. I think I've done enough realistic to last me a year. I was testing the water, but it's too cold for me.