E - Everyone

Cole's Legacy --- Book 3 Prologue

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Hey y'all. As you may have already guessed, I do not write this story in order. Like, at all. When I attempt to write in sequential format I tend to take reeeeaaally long breaks from the story. So.. I figured I'd make this more fun and leave it to you guys to piece it all together. Mwaahahaha. Anyways, leave positive feedback if you want more!

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She gazed at the circle, having a difficult time believing she was looking at a planet. Any quick glance in that direction should have had her mistaking the area for empty space. The hazy darkness of the planet had little distinction from the black space around it; the border between the two was arguable.

The Mispresence. That is what they call it, and she never knew why. They told her that the place gave you a feeling, a disbelief that it existed even when looking at it. Her mind depicted it as some kind of unsettling mirage, and she had to fight this feeling by reminding herself why she was here. What she did, what she created.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And so you have come. Our master was correct as usual.

Her breathing quickened. She could not see the being, but could literally feel its breath. Crawling and shuffling sounds slowly swirled around her.

“Then you know why I am here?”

The creature drew slightly closer, making visible a long, black mass moving around.

We know only that you… require us. And we know of where you come from. I wouldn’t wear that with pride if I were you.

She glanced down at her necklace. The red emblem bejeweled with the eyes the color of a sun. What it actually represented was hardly common knowledge, so she thought she could wear it without fear. Obviously there were more who knew of her… group.

You and your little cult have tried something dangerous, haven’t you? We should have known keeping you pathetic idealists alive was a risk.

It said this with a threatening hiss of anger.

“Yes! Yes, we have tried something. Anything to stop the Avonis ruining our image; they take the values of their power and shape it with… with hopes of rebellion and conquership! Their actions do not reflect the old ways of destruction.”

She paused. “I have come here with both a secret and a question.”

The creature stopped moving, perhaps in interest. Once you pledge a secret to the Noir, you are bound to it. Remember this, and we will protect it for you.

She knew exactly what she was getting herself into. The Deal of the Noir. Once you arrive on the Mispresence, you make a deal with these creatures known as the Noir. You come knowing a secret, one that could potentially alter the universe if discovered. You give your secret to the Noir, who will protect it for you. If any person goes poking around for your secret, the Noir will see it through that they… disappear.

“I will ask my question first.” She demanded.

The Noir hissed. Very bold, Prophican. Very bold. But perhaps you should consider who you are speaking to.

She ignored this. “I want to know how the Avonis King was able to destroy the sword.”

The creature’s response came from a different direction this time, as if he is circling around her. Ah, now you are digging into matters beyond any of your control. You have no idea-

“I know what I am doing! By your rights as a Noir, you must answer the question!”

Very well. The Avonis King, Daruss, was made immortal, as you know. He was able to do this by having his people perform a Sen ritual; the forbidden practice of harnessing Sen energy to change the very fabrics of reality itself. He was giving a great power that condensed inside of him-

“Yes, this is all knowledge my group possesses. I need to know how he destroyed the sword.”

I was getting to that; your impatience is making me want you dead. Daruss became what you can consider a condensed being. So much energy remained dormant inside of him that he should have literally exploded. And he did, but at his own choice. Anything of Sen origin can be negated by another, and as you know the sword was also created from this very way. Now, girl, why do you ask this?

Still thinking through what she has been told, she replied, “If he holds the power to do something like that, then I need to know what we’re up against. You have confirmed to me that our plan can succeed.”

The creature leaned forward, closer than it has ever gotten before. What have you done?

She smiled. “Like you said. Anything of Sen origin can destroy another of the same origin. I have done another ritual.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
StoneHeart
Review

Okay, I've read a number of your pieces before, and am just dropping in because I noticed this one on the list. One thing you've always had that I've noticed is a great story world, and you keep it up in this chapter. Beautiful job doing that. I appreciate it a lot.

But, a question: How much of this 'series' have you written -exactly. From what I've seen you really haven't written all that much of it, and this chapter is REALLY jumping ahead. Writing in this method is perfectly okay, but there are a few rules to it.

Overall I love your style. You're really doing well. But I'm sorry to say that you've broken the rules of random writing.

Rule #1 ! YOU MUST PLAN WHERE YOU'RE GOING, WHERE YOU ARE, AND WHERE YOU'VE BEEN!

If you do not plan -extensively- then you have no idea what's going on -you just do what you think is cool. At the moment, I see no hints of extensive planning at all! That's something that you could probably really use to work on. I suggest trying to use the snowflake method if you want to write random. It works for a lot of writers.

Anyway. This is gonna be short, and that was all I really wanted to mention.

ty, and remember: KEEP WRITING!


~Black~

I can completely understand your confusion, and there are absolutely no signs of planning. However, I did plan out this entire series over the course of a few years, and while it may not seem like it, I know where chronologically this piece fits in and all. In fact, the ending referred to the first prologue I posted (the one with the war). I tried posting chapter by chapter before but it was extremely difficult for me.

I do agree that I could make better connections, and I'm working on that. Thanks for the great review!

User avatar
RoachRedford!
Review

I like this piece because it opens up a slew of questions that I want answered right away. The characterisation of the Noir was great and the italics really emphasise what I assume is a very serpent-like demeanour. Bravo, I enjoyed that.

I understand you don't like to write in a sequential order, and perhaps I'll have to go now and look through your portfolio, but for a piece like this which is quite heavy laden with technical jargon like the Mispresence and the Noir and Prophican it's super confusing to track exactly what's going on.

All in all, I enjoyed the piece and it makes me want to follow the plot through. I like the idea of the Noir as secret keepers/defenders as well because that is a worthwhile pact to make for a secret that is substantial enough.

My only pseudo-concern is that there seems to be a confusing mix between sci-fi and fantasy here. Aside from the opening paragraph which places the main character watching over a planet, the talk of mystical necklaces, pacts with supernatural beings and a sword reminiscent of Arthur's Excalibur make me feel like this isn't a sci-fi piece at all. Perhaps more clarity will be gained from the expansion of this story.

In any case, this is certainly the most intriguing plot of a prologue I've read recently and it certainly makes me want to read on. Please PM me if you write more.

Keep it up!

Hey, thanks! My goal for the series is to kind of mix the two genres of sci-fi and fantasy, saying that there are fantasy elements all around the universe. One of my previous works sort of goes into that. I understand your confusion though; each of my works will seem not tie together at all until later.

My other three works for this series might help your understanding.



I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King