~~~Hey guys! I know I haven't even posted chapter 2 of the first book yet, but I had this idea for a long time and needed to write it. It is basically a sneak peek for the second book of the Cole series and is just a draft. If you like this, please check out the other parts of the series that I posted :)"~~~
The human has been wandering for hours. He had seemingly been transported to this place, as if something plucked him out of his life and took him into a maze. And that was exactly what it was. It was a gigantic complex of corridors, complete with a varied assortment of deadly traps and never-ending hallways. And even worse was the laughter. The horrible, crazy laughter that echoed throughout some of the halls.
He remembered what an old man once told him, how earth was once visited and influenced by alien races. How humanity has once been visited by dragons, vampires, and even minotaurs during the times of castles and kings. How these creatures have become a part of our culture, our history, and our stories. He also recalled the Greek story of the labyrinth, an endless and magical maze that held a terrible creature inside. Maybe, he thought, this is the place that sparked that legend. Maybe he was in a labyrinth.
He quickly looked down, remembering to be cautious of grounded traps. He did this just in time, too, because just ahead of him appeared to be a sea of pressure plates. He carefully pulled a deformed piece of brick from the dark crumbling wall. Getting a good feel of the weight in his hand, he tossed it into trap. All hell broke loose as the thrown object hit the plates. Blasts of flame. Turning spikes. Miniature bombs from the ceiling. Not wishing to share the same fate as the brick, he turned and dashed in the direction he came from.
Soon, exhaustion flooded his head, his arms, and finally his legs. As his movements became wobbly and unsteady, he sank to the floor. If there was not a sliver of hope in his heart, he would have lain there until starvation became unbearable. There was no point in continuing, for whatever put him here obviously had no intention of him being alive.
He slowly leaned against the wall to his left, eager for some relief. But something rather unnatural occurred. He was not sure if he saw it accurately, because his paranoid vision was failing him, but it appeared that the wall had a ripple effect, as if it was not solid. He rose his shaking hand and pressed against the surface with one movement, and his arm went clean through the wall almost as easily as through air itself. Then, without warning, a portion of the wall (about six feet from both directions of his hand) melted into water and sunk through the dirt floor. A new passageway was revealed.
The excitement of this new discovery did not exist for long, because the laughter was increasing exponentially. Another major change was that, at the end of the narrow hall, it was bright. It was not the type of light that would ensure that he had found a way out, but the kind that would be generated by an artificial source. With every step, the terrorizing laugher and blinding light grew more powerful. This could be it. Whatever lie at the end could be the monster at the center of the maze, like in the legend. Something in the man’s head told him to continue walking, and it was not like he could just turn back now. This was it.
The first thing that he noticed in the new room was that the lighting was clear as day. This was most likely his first thought because he had missed the ability to see clearly. Next, which was much more strange, was the source of the laugher. It was a small man. Dressed in pure white from head to toe, the man wore a hat with a detailed symbol stitched to it and an odd cloak that only reached the man’s waist. The face of this person was even more warped in description, with one of his eyes lacking a pupil. The other eye seemed to gaze at him in a rather detached manner. He was chuckling at this point, showing that nearly one in every three teeth he possessed was missing.
“Heh, do you like the place? Be honest. Tell me your perfectly normal, honest, actually real opinion.”
The human was in a loss for words. Even the speech pattern of the figure was perplexing, with certain parts of words being stressed at high points and others much quieter. As the man in white waited for an answer, his eyes seemed to delve even deeper into the uneasiness of the human’s mind.
“W-what is this place?” said the human, then cursing himself for stammering. He was more afraid than he realized.
“Oh, silly silly silly boy. Or girl; I really can not really tell you stupid earth creatures apart. Anyway, do not look so surprised at me. What? Were you expecting a terribly horrible monster in this room? You have to give credit to those old stories. They do know how to get absolutely everything wrong. Oh, and you want to know where you are? Heh heh heh. You are in the Master Dimension, created by the one and only, the amazing me!”
More hysterical laughter continued. The creepiness of this cloaked man was really messing with the mind of the human. What did he mean, the master dimension? After all his training, the human had never heard of such a thing, let alone alternate dimensions.
“Oh, yes, I am most fond of my clever little tricks. Want to see one?”
Without waiting for any form of response, the alien snapped his fingers. A gray mist gathered near the wall behind him, and the human turned. There was no longer the path in which he came from; there was just a plain, wooden door.
“Go on, open it! It’s not like you have a choice... heh.”
Trembling out of control, the human reached for the knob and turned it. The door immediately flew open, and before the man could see what was inside, a wave of pain tore him to the floor. A blast of lightning had shot out of the door and into his chest... and it was... purple in color.
“Clever, aren’t I? I know, if may have taken me six extra years to perfect purple lightning, but there is nothing that is not more fantastically fun with purple!”
The human was blind with rage. “You are insane!”
“Oh, thank you oh so much. I like you. And that bolt of electricity was just showing off. I will deliver the killing strike in just a moment. When would you like it to happen? Ten seconds, perhaps?”
“Stop this now!”
“Ten seconds it is. Great choice.”
A countdown commenced, counting down from ten. Seeing no way out, the human forced himself to be calm and questioned his assailant.
“Who are you? If I must die here, may I at least know the name of the maniac who made it all happen?
The alien exploded into uncontrollable laughter, for whatever ridiculous reason. The countdown continued, already halfway done.
...5...
Gaining control of himself, the white-cloaked man stood upright. He took in a raspy breath.
...4...
“I am the last of the Dimension Creators. And my name...”
...3...
“... is Patho.”
...2...
“Good night.”
...1...
The force of the electricity multiplied with intense power, and the human’s vision went dark as he took his last breath.
Wow! That was quite amazing! Who would have expected the ending to that! You have quite an exceptional talent and this story is showing it all in it's glory! I see no problems with the story. I am quite confused but with me that is a sign of a magnificent story, as normaly I can guess the storyline and plot after the first chapter. Continue the first story though, I'd really love to finish reading it. Best of luck!
That is SO FREAKIN COOL! I've read most of your work, more then you've posted here, and this has got to have been THE BEST WORK you have EVER done! I mean, this was genius. I loved it! I loved it, I loved it, I loved it! The end was genius. Pure genius. PLEEEEEEAAAAASE get the rest of book one up so I can read book two, which has got to be amazing with a prologue like that! Like, I seriously can't find anything wrong with it. I have managed to do that with everything else I have read, but I really can't find any mistakes in this. You even got your grammar right, which is more than I can say!
Thanks so so much! After that review, I really want to post both books at once, but that probably would spoil everything.
Hi! I really liked this prologue, it spiked my interest in what plot you're going to create for the rest of the novel!
Just a few things I noticed...
The first sentence: You have it in present tense, but the rest of it seems to be in past tense, so I would change this.
"he tossed it into trap": I think you forgot the word "the" here.
"of him being alive.": This is worded kind of strange, maybe try "of keeping him alive" or something.
"He rose his shaking hand": This is also worded kind of weird, I'm not sure how you could fix it, but you might want to try something different here.
"Then, without warning, the wall area about six feet long melted, as it seems, into water that sunk through the dirt floor.": This sentence should be restructured. Also, "seems" should be seemed.
"missed the ability to see clearly.": A different verb would sound better here. Or say " he was missing."
"even more warped in description,": The word "comparison" would make more sense in this instance instead of "description"
"Or girl; I really can not really tell": Did you mean to repeat the word "really"?
"a wave of pain tore him to the floor.": "Tore" isn't really the verb that should be used here... maybe something like "forced him to the floor" instead.
"I know, if may have taken me six": I think you're missing a word here or something... not sure what you were trying to say.
I really liked your ending. Very dramatic, made me want to read more! Let me know if you have any questions!
Thank you! It was a great and constructive review. However, it was the prologue for the second book in the series, and i am currently posting the first book chapter by chapter now. I just had this idea for so long. Thanks!