Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about emotions that were expressed in someone’s eyes when a bitter truth was revealed. We are told that the eyes were suddenly mixed with grief and love. As the saying goes, the eyes are indeed the windows of the soul. In this case the reaction was both grief and love. In others, it might be hatred and revenge. I like the way that the poem points this out.
The speaker condemns someone’s statements as erroneous yet tells us that they revealed truth. This caused me to ask the following question.
The words were true but erroneous or wrong?
Would he have preferred a pleasant lie?
suggestions
The eyes that laid upon the other [may show] a signs of grief and love.
They may show justice and revenge caused by the painful truth.
The eyes that laid upon the other shows
[The eyes...show....]
It may show justice....
[They may show justice....]
[The shallow eyes that shows....]
[The shallow eyes that show....]
....revenge that caused by....
[....revenge caused by....]
The love that once had shown--
--through the eyes that laid upon the other
[The love that once had shown
through the eyes that laid upon the other[.]
Words that might replace the verb show in order to add variety:
[reveal, display, manifest.]
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