Young Writers Society

This is part two of the story that I am writing. Again, criticism and advice are appreciated.

Chapter 2

Golni

Erik walked away from the house that until a few minutes ago had been his home. He was walking along the road, whistling a merry tune to keep his spirits up. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop himself from sinking into misery. What am I doing? I could go back now and just forget this entire thing. He thought. But he didn’t do it. Even if they did welcome me back, father would be disappointed. So he continued along the road that would lead him to Golni, and (hopefully) a job. Soon night fell. He laid out his blankets under a convenient tree and fell asleep. When he woke the next morning the sun was rising in the east. He stood and stretched. He looked around. He was standing under a small willow tree on the banks of a clear stream. Then Erik decided that he could travel much faster if he continued in his morph form. So he concentrated and felt his body change. He kneaded the dirt under his paws. How he loved being a panther! He stretched again and began to run. He covered thirty-five miles that day, three times as much as he had covered the day before. A few days later he was looking at Golni, a small city by most peoples standards, but to Erik it was huge. He had never seen a city before. As he got closer he morphed back into human form. He soon reached the gates. A soldier standing there barred his way with his spear. “Name?”

“Erik.”

“Reason of visit?”

“I’m looking for a job.” The guard nodded and pulled his spear back. Erik hurried on. He looked at what he saw in wonder. There were houses squashed together like sardines, only a few feet of space were left between them. Every ten feet or so there were vendors who were all selling different wares. One was selling jewelry, one was selling bags and backpacks, and another was selling food and other traveling essentials. As he stared he wondered where an inn was. He hurried to the nearest vendor, who was selling capes and hoods and other items of concealment. “Excuse me, can you please tell me where the nearest inn is?” he asked. The vendor looked up. “You’d want The Purple Unicorn, just turn right the next chance you get, it’ll be right there.” Erik thanked him and began walking in the direction he had pointed. A moment later he saw a sign hanging over a door. ‘The Purple Unicorn Inn’ he read. He opened the door and walked in. There was a bar on the far side of the room, with stools sitting next to it. In the center of the room there were about a dozen round tables with more stools. The place was nearly full. He hurried to the bar and sat. “I’d like a room for the night please.” He said. The bartender turned. He was rather round, with short black hair. He grunted. “One room for the night eh? Well it won’t be cheap.” “How much?” asked Erik. “Thirty silver a night.” Erik knew that the bartender was charging too much, but the sun was setting, and he needed rest. “All right, I’ll take one night, but I might need more.” The bartender nodded. Erik handed him thirty silver coins. The bartender smiled and pocketed it. Then he turned. “Abdul!” a young boy that looked to be about six years old appeared from nowhere. “Yes sir?” he said. “Bring this young man to a room.” Abdul nodded and beckoned to Erik. Erik hurried to him and Abdul turned and walked up a set of stairs that he hadn’t noticed before. Erik followed him warily. Abdul opened a door at the top of the stairs. Erik hurried up to him and looked at his temporary room. It was very small, even smaller than the room that he had shared with Morcant and Lindsay. It was furnished with a small bed and a bedside table. He thanked Abdul and put his bag on the bed. Abdul hurried off. Erik shut the door behind him and went and laid down on his bed. He sighed. Well, it’s a start. He thought. Soon he dropped off to sleep.

Morcant woke from a nightmare. It had showed Erik walking alone down a moonlit road. Then he would get ambushed. Erik would try to morph but he would be too slow, and then the leader would raise his sword. Morcant woke at that point. He got out of bed and stretched. He wondered where Erik was. He’s probably gotten himself into all kinds of trouble. He thought. Then he made up his mind. He was going to go and find Erik. He began packing. Then Lindsay came into the room. When she saw what Morcant was doing she rushed at him. “No! You can’t leave! We need you here! I-“ “I am leaving Lindsay, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” He told her. Lindsay looked like she was going to cry. “If you leave, then so will I.” She whispered. “We are family, we need each other. You will have to tie me to the bed to keep me from leaving.” Morcant realized that there was more to his sister than he had known. “Lindsay, you are not coming with me. It is too dangerous.” Lindsay glared at him. “If you do not take me with you, I shall tell mother and father what you are planning.” Morcant was horrified. “You wouldn’t.” She just smiled at him. “Try me.” She said. Morcant knew that he was backed into a corner with no way out except to take her with him. Lindsay was very clever. But he still did not want to take her with him. Unlike Erik and him, she had yet to discover her morphing powers. If she got to sixteen and she still did not have them, she would never have them. “Very well, I will take you, but you will have to pack now, I’m leaving in five minutes.” And with that, he left the room. Exactly three minutes later Lindsay came out with a backpack on. “I’m ready.” She whispered. Morcant peered into his parents’ bedroom. They were still asleep. He hurried to the table, where he wrote a note for them. Then he walked to the door, Lindsay right behind him. He opened it and headed outside. Then he and his sister walked to the road, and they began the journey north.

When Erik woke the next morning it took him a moment to remember where he was. He groaned and sat up. He felt awful. The mattress was full of bugs. He got off of it and stretched. He got dressed and looked out of his window. The streets below were clogged with people. He wondered what was going on. He hurried downstairs and went out the door. He was immediately swept into the crowd of people. He wondered what was going on. He saw a billboard on the side of the road. He hurried towards it, hoping that it would explain what was going on. On the billboard there were several ads and wanted posters. But the biggest paper had these words on it. Do not miss the market day, every Friday! Every item is half price! “Well that explains it, today is Friday!” He said to himself. He figured that he had better take advantage of this and began wandering around. The first shop that he came to was selling cloaks and hoods. He had passed it yesterday. He stopped and looked at them. Then he came to a purplish-black cloak with a matching hood that seemed to shimmer in the air. He looked at it for a moment, and then shook his head. I need inconspicuous, not fancy. He thought. So with a sigh he walked away from it to look at the next one. This one was much more suited to his needs than the first one. It was black with a hood, and he had to concentrate to see it. It must be enchanted. He thought. He picked it up. It felt like it was made of water. He decided that this was the one that he wanted. He walked over to the vendor. “I would like to buy this.” He said. The vendor looked up. He seemed surprised at how young he was, but he was a customer, and customers were to be treated with respect. “Of course of course, that will be ten silver.” Erik handed him the money. The vendor counted it carefully, then smiled. “Very good, you go and enjoy the sale young master.” And with that, he turned to his next customer. Erik put the cloak in his bag, and then hurried to the next booth. Over the next two hours Erik wandered the streets of Golni, buying essentials like food and bandages. Then he decided that he had better start looking for a job. He went to the billboard that he had gone to before. He looked at each ad carefully and thoroughly, but he saw no ads for jobs. (Well, paying ones anyway.) He sighed. It seems that coming to Golni was a waste of time. He thought. I suppose I had better head to Hindrei. He was not very happy about it, as Hindrei was at least a week away, even as a panther. He decided that he had better leave immediately. He turned and headed towards the east gates. As he walked he wondered how Morcant and Lindsay were doing. He hoped that they were all right. Then he reached the gates. He passed them without delay. And off he walked, eastward this time, towards the city of Hindrei.

On the third day of his departure from Golni Erik was caught in a large storm. I mean a HUGE storm, with lightning and thunder, and so much rain that you couldn’t see five feet in front of you. The wind also made the rain very fast, which made him feel like he was being stung by a bunch of tiny arrows. And because he couldn’t see the road, he left it. He wandered for hours in the storm, hopelessly lost. Then it got very dark. Erik figured that the sun must have set. If he hadn’t been able to see much before, he could see nothing now. He sat where he was and stayed. It was no use wandering. He laid on the hard ground and waited for the rain to stop. After what seemed hours the storm lessened, then stopped altogether. He opened his eyes and uncurled from the position that he didn’t remember getting into. He sat up. The storm had stopped, and the sun was rising. Did I lie there for that long? He thought in wonder. Then he stood. The road was out of sight, and there were no mountains, rivers, lakes, or any other landmarks. He groaned. I’m in the middle of nowhere, with no idea where the road is. He thought. Then he looked around again. He was standing in a large clearing, about two hundred feet across on either side. Surrounding it were trees of every kind and size. He heard a commotion from the other side of the trees on his left. He went towards it, curious. He got close enough that he could hear voices. “Come on! We haven’t got all day! Get your butts moving!” he heard a crack and a scream. “Aww, shut your trap, I don’ have time for this! We need to get to Hindrei in less than five days!” another crack. He continued forward. He soon got to the trees. He could hear the voices more clearly. “Get movin’! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU LAZY LUMP! GET MOVING BEFORE I MAKE YA!” another crack and scream. Erik went a few steps more and he saw what was happening. There was a group of men on horses surrounding a young girl. She had reddish-blonde hair that reached down to the center of her back, and she hunched like she was in pain. The back of the girls’ tunic was stained red. There was a man on a larger horse than the others holding a whip. “GET YOU BUTT MOVING GIRL! WE NEED TO BE IN HINDREI IN LESS THAN FIVE DAYS!” the girl didn’t move. He swung his whip, and it hit her back with a sharp crack. She screamed again and fell to her knees. Slave drivers. Erik realized. “Hey boss, if you whip ‘er like that she won’ be able to walk, let alone run!” said one of the men. The leader glared at him. “Now Holse, are you getting’ an attachment to this young un?” “Naw, bu’-“ “THEN SHUT YER TRAP ABOU’ IT!” roared the leader. The one called Holse shrank away from him. The girl seemed to be thinking hard. She stood and ran. But just as she got to the edge of the circle there was another crack, and she was on the ground. She groaned. The leader glared at her and roared; “GET UP NOW! IF YOU ‘AINT GETTIN’ UP, THEN I’LL DRAG YA!” The girl made an effort to stand, but she couldn’t. “Sir, let’s just sleep ‘ere, the sun’s goin’ down and it’ll get dark soon.” Said one of the men. The leader sighed. “Fine, we will camp here tonight.” Then Erik made up his mind. He was going to rescue this young girl.

But someone beat him to it, almost. When dark fell Erik heard a yell. He sat up and looked down into the clearing. The camp was in turmoil. The girl that they had captured was lying on the ground, bound tightly. Then someone ran to her. He saw a knife. A second later Erik saw the person keel over with an arrow protruding from their back. The girl screamed in horror. “NO NO NO!” she cried. Erik was confused now. He couldn’t see faces, only silhouettes. Then the leader walked to the girl, a torch in his hand. He chuckled. “Well girl, it seems that your brother loved you after all.” The girl made a choking noise. Then she said something that he couldn’t hear. The leader glared at her. “You’ll pay for that wretch!” he said. He snatched his whip from the ground. Crack! The girl screamed, tears streaming down her face. Crack! She was on the ground. She screamed again. Erik felt a rush of pity. He decided that he would rescue her when they all fell asleep. He settled down to wait.