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Young Writers Society



The City of Elementals, Chapter 4.

by gsppcrocks10


This is the last chapter I have written. It'll be slower now. :)

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It had been a few days. Nobody knew me, or recognized me. They were nice enough, though they were obviously frightened of me. I heard whisperings behind my back, as people talked about me in hushed tones. Their words amused me. ‘Witch’, they guessed, ‘sorceress’. They weren’t too far from the truth. If only they knew...

I had confused several people because I went in and out of my house as if it was my own. Which it was, but they didn’t know that. They all thought that I was some stranger; a traveler from a faraway land maybe? Their theories became more and more elaborate as time progressed. They wondered what had happened to me. The human me anyway. But nobody dared to ask. They whispered, but never said anything. They would give me the strangest looks, looks that would have offended me if I hadn't known that they had good reason to stare.

Starting my life over was more difficult than I could have imagined. But I was succeeding; so far.

I put on a skirt that I had made myself only last year. It was made of scraps of cloth that I had collected over the years. It reached down to my ankles and had a sort of rust-colored theme to it. I wore a black form-fitting shirt on top of that. I sighed as I slipped on a pair of leather boots that reached halfway up my shins and put a cloak with a hood on top of all of it. I opened the door and went outside, feeling the eyes of several people on the back of my head, staring, wondering. One little girl looked at me with fear, while others merely looked curious. I went down the steps and walked briskly down the road. I was going to get myself something to eat and go restock; I was almost out of food at home. I walked for a while, not paying attention. Whispers sliced through the air, the owners of the voices speaking in hushed tones in the hopes that I wouldn't hear.

But I caught every word they said.

"What do you suppose she is?" One child asked her mother.

"I don't know hon, but stay away from her. She's not from around here, and outsiders aren't to be trusted. Understand?"

Her daughter simply nodded.

I lengthened my steps, hoping to escape these painful words. I knew that child; I had babysat her many a time. But now she didn't know me. Nobody knew me. All because of a demon.

It's your own fault, I reminded myself dryly, you should have stayed well away from that cave. They warned you.

I sighed and kept walking. My senses had all sharpened. I could smell the river from here, feel the cool wind of a practically nonexistent breeze, see perfect details of someone's face that was fifty yards away, hear the whisperings like they were speaking directly to me, and I could taste the air on my tongue.

It was fascinating, feeling all these multiple things.

But it also meant that I wasn't human any more. I wanted to b-

***

My candle went out. I grumbled under my breath as I got up and felt my way around the now pitch-black room. I located my candles, and still grumbling, lit a match. I put the match out and sat down again, putting the candle into the holder.

***

I wanted to be normal, to have a family, children. I didn't want to have to go around hooded, hiding my face for my own safety. People would be frightened if they knew the truth; that much was certain. I remembered the welcome that the sorceress had gotten to this town. Her head was rotting on one of the gateposts at that very moment.

I shuddered as I imagined my head in its place.

I walked even faster, entering a tavern. This place was the filthiest, loudest, most dangerous tavern in the city. But it was the cheapest. I pushed my way past a group of rowdy drunken men to the bar, sitting down. The bartender squinted at me. The entire place smelled like a pigsty, and I wrinkled my nose in distaste.

"What do you want?" The bartender grunted. He had a scraggly-looking beard and wild filthy unkempt brown hair. His left eye was missing, covered by a patch of black fabric.

"Just give me some chicken broth."

He gave me an odd look. "You sure?"

"Yes."

He rolled his eyes. "Alright then."

He left and went through another door. I sighed and drummed my fingers on the bar, waiting for my food.

There was suddenly a wave of loud uproarious laughter from behind me. I ignored it; it had nothing to do with me... Did it?

I was to be proven wrong. In fact I couldn’t have been more wrong than I was at that moment.

I continued drumming my fingers on the bar. Then someone grabbed my shoulder roughly and turned me around. I was staring into the face of a completely drunken man. He had muddy brown eyes and tousled red hair. His face was red from drinking, and I smelled alcohol on his breath. I leaned away from him, nose wrinkled in distaste.

“Hey girl,” he slurred, “want a drink? ‘S on me.”

“No thank you,” I said flatly. I turned back to the bar, but he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around again.

“C’mon babe, don’t be like that.”

I pulled myself out of his grip. “Leave me alone!” I growled.

He just grabbed me again. “Why don’ you come sit with us?” He motioned to a rather large group of drunken men sitting and laughing raucously around a table.

I shook my head. “I’m fine here.”

He tugged on my arm; hard. “You’ll like it better over here with us.”

“I’m fine here,” I repeated, “and if you don’t leave me alone I’ll have to do something drastic.”

He started laughing. “Ya hear that guys?!” He yelled, “She might do something drastic!” There was the roar of laughter from the table. He pulled on me again. “Come on gal, jus’ one drink.”

I pulled away. “NO!”

He grabbed me again and pulled on me so hard that I fell off of my stool. My hood also came off. “I won’ take no for an answer sweet cheeks,” he slurred.

That was it. I glared at him with a newfound fury. “I said LEAVE ME ALONE!” I then moved on an instinct that I hadn’t known before that day. I lifted my hand and pushed.

All of a sudden pain blossomed all the way up and down my spine. I gritted my teeth; it wasn’t as bad as some things I’d felt. The drunken man let out a high keening scream and collapsed to the floor, writhing. The entire bar fell silent.

All eyes were on me and the writhing man on the floor.

I lowered my hand, chest heaving. The pain faded. The man climbed to his feet, shaking violently. He pointed an accusing finger at me. “Witch!”

I took an instinctive step backwards, and the silence that had fallen onto the bar broke. Angry yells erupted from everywhere. I raced for the door as every single person in the bar lurched to their feet and proceeded to come after me. I dashed outside, not bothering with my hood; it was too late for that now. Besides, it would fall off while I was running anyways.

I wrenched open the door and ran outside, hair flying out behind me. It had started raining, and puddles had formed in the uneven cobblestone road; my feet were soon soaked. I heard the crowd behind me. I tripped on a crack and landed hard on my stomach. I scrambled to my feet again and kept going.

People had joined the mob; I could see that when I looked over my shoulder. Unfortunately this caused me to trip again. I got to my feet again. They were close now; I had to keep going!

Then someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into an alley. I started to scream, but they clamped a strong hand over my mouth. The person’s skin was extremely warm, as if there was a wildfire raging right underneath. “Shh.” The voice was coming from right next to my right ear. The mob dashed past us on the main road. After a moment the person released me, and I whirled around.

There was a young man standing in front of me. He had a shock of spiky fiery red hair and the strangest eyes I had ever seen besides my own. They were orange, with thin reddish lines going through them. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. They were beautiful, mesmerizing. I blinked. “Who are you?”

The man smiled. “You can call me Ashton. And you?”

“Teresa,” I said nervously.

His smile grew, and I felt oddly at ease. “Tell me, what are you doing hanging around mortals?”

That question caught me off guard. My mouth dried out. “I-I, um...”

Ashton shrugged. “You don’t have to tell me of course.”

I sighed. “The truth is I’ve only been like this for a few days.”

His eyes went round as saucers. “You don’t look like a newborn to me.”

I blinked. “I was human until a few days ago.”

Ashton stumbled backwards in shock. “You were... one of those?” He asked, gesturing to the people on the street. I nodded, and he breathed out slowly. “Wow.”

I sighed. “Are you done being in awe of my oddness and tell me what you are, and why you’re here?”

He blinked. “Right, yeah. Well, you already know my name. As to what I am...” He grinned and held up his hand. Then he snapped. A flame burst from his thumb, and I jumped, staring at it in awe. He snapped again and it disappeared. “Fire Elemental.”

My mouth was hanging slightly open in awe. I stared at him. “And why are you here?”

Ashton sighed. “That is a bit more complicated.”

“I can keep up.”

Ashton shook his head. “I’ll explain on the way.” He grabbed my hand and proceeded to pull me down the alley.

“On the way where?!” I asked.

“I’m taking you back to Vlaineir; you belong there.”

I blinked. “What’s Vlaineir?”

Ashton looked back at me and sighed. “You really have no clue do you?” I just shook my head, and he sighed again. “Vlaineir is the City of the Elementals. No mortal has ever been there, or laid eyes on our sacred sanctuary. It is part of us, and we are a part of it. It is the beginning, and end. The first Elemental formed the citadel from living rock.” His eyes became distant as he continued. “It was made on the top of the sacred mountain of Kurundu, which was the largest mountain that ever existed.”

I had to interrupt then. “But Kurundu isn’t really all that big, and it’s not one mountain! It’s-”

Ashton gave me an annoyed look. “Will you let me finish?”

I bit my lip. “Sorry.”

He sighed. “It’s alright. Now, as I was saying, Mount Kurundu was the largest mountain ever to exist. The Elementals lived peacefully in Vlaineir for a long while, but about five hundred years ago one Elemental told the mortals about our city. And as mortals are, they decided that we were dangerous and to be eradicated. King Gerete the Fourth launched a full-scale attack. Luckily the Father heard about the attack before they got even close to the mountain; he gathered the First Council together, and using their combined energies, they lifted the city into abyss. It hangs between the heavens and the earth. When the King and his men got there they discovered that the mountain had been cloven clean in two. Five of the eight members of the council were killed in the teleportation. Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Time, and,” he looked directly into my eyes, “Pain.”

I gulped, and he smiled slightly. “We Elementals have lived there happily for quite some time. Now, are you finished asking questions? We’ve got a little ways to go.”

I nodded, and he grabbed my hand again. “Come on.” He pulled me along, around countless bends. I heard people yelling and shouting in the main streets. He pulled me over to the wooden wall that surrounded the town. There was a hole there; it looked like it had been burned through the wood, and it was the perfect size for a person to go through. “Through here,” Ashton said, ducking through.

I hesitated, then followed him.


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24 Reviews


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Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:28 pm
Kelcia wrote a review...



I enjoyed that - a very interesting idea. You need to watch your punctuation, and some parts could do with a few touch-ups, but besides that, your story is pretty good.

One thing I don't understand, tho. Why include what the author is thinking? I mean - What has it got to do with the overall story? Two sepereate plot lines that have nothing to do with one another, other than the fact that one person is writing what happens to the other. If you're planning on having the two characters interact at some point in the story or something like that, it's fine. I'll wait and see, but the author part of the story could just confuse everything.

On a completely different note, I love your discriptions of the Elementals! It's so... strange and vivid. I could imagine her right away. Good job!

Keep it up,
-Kelcia




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Thu Jan 28, 2010 10:23 pm
PhoenixBishop wrote a review...



Phoenix here again. I hope I'm not annoying you. :elephant:



I lengthened my steps, hoping to escape these painful words. I knew that child; I had babysat her many a time. But now she didn't know me. Nobody knew me. All because of a demon.


Maybe make her changes more drastic to make this make sense. Because If my friend got purple eyes and a few grey streaks in her hair and paled. I'd notice. Which goes back to what I said in the second chapter. You need to give her a friend or something in the beginning that will recognize her now.


I could taste the air on my tongue.


What does it taste like.

It was fascinating, feeling all these multiple things.


awkward


My candle went out. I grumbled under my breath as I got up and felt my way around the now pitch-black room. I located my candles, and still grumbling, lit a match. I put the match out and sat down again, putting the candle into the holder.


Again don't go back unless she's doing or thinking something of importance. At this poin I don't even see the point of her at all.


There was suddenly a wave

Another wave.


I leaned away from him, nose wrinkled in distaste.



Again with the nose wrinkled in distaste.



. I tripped on a crack and landed hard on my stomach
.

She trips too much.

I scrambled to my feet again and kept going.



Unfortunately this caused me to trip again.


Really, again?


. The mob dashed past us on the main road.


She should have been out of eye sight when she was grabbed.




I had to interrupt then. “But Kurundu isn’t really all that big, and it’s not one mountain! It’s-”

Ashton gave me an annoyed look. “Will you let me finish?”

I bit my lip. “Sorry.”


Brillent.

.
Five of the eight members of the council were killed in the teleportation. Fire, Water, Earth, Time, and,” he looked directly into my eyes, “Pain.”


No air that's sad.

I gulped, and he smiled slightly.
“We Elementals have lived there happily for quite some time. Now, are you finished asking questions? We’ve got a little ways to go.”



She really didn't ask that many questions. He could have given a simple explanation, but decided to go to the whole back-story.


This was really good. It was better paced, and like the others it caught my attention. Unlike the others it did it a whole lot better as you introduced the idea of the Elementals. Which so far is pretty good when it comes to it's development and back-story. Anyway I'd be happy to review anymore of this you decide to put up. Good Luck.





you should no this
— Hijinks