“Hold still,” Valerie growled. Soleil seemed to squirm at the delicate touch of the wet rag in her hands. The Marquess acted much stronger than he truly was if he could not even hold his composure underneath the weight of the wet fabric.
“I’m trying,” he hissed, his arm pulling back a bit as Valerie attempted to dab around his wound. “Did you think touching my arm would be painless for me?”
“I thought you would act a bit braver than a toddler who just scratched his knee.” She grabbed the Marquess’ shoulder and jerked him forward so she could wipe around the wound, cleaning off any blood or shreds of fabric. Soleil just huffed as Valerie cleaned around the wound and headed towards her dresser, looking for any sort of bandage. She found scraps of white fabric in a drawer of her dresser. Valerie grabbed them in one big bundle and headed back to the bed, where Soleil had sprawled out with his head on her pillows. He lazily turned his head towards Valerie and smiled.
“Did you want me all alone in your room?” Soleil asked. “Maybe your ‘petty revenge’ could be a bit sweeter than expected.”
Valerie glared at him. “Keep your theories to yourself, Marquess. Now sit up.”
Soleil groaned and pushed himself up with his good arm, his face only inches away from hers. She could smell the sharp aroma of mint in his breath. She looked away and leaned down, towards his arm. She began to wrap the bandage around it. Soleil clenched his teeth but didn’t wince.
“You’re a little too close for comfort,” Soleil whispered. He placed a soft kiss on her head and gave her a roguish smile. “But maybe you need to get a little uncomfortable with me.”
“Get away from me before I break your other arm,” she hissed.
Soleil just chuckled in a low tone and rested his head on hers. She groaned.
“I said get away from me.”
Soleil just sighed and glared at her as she tied the bandage up with a neat little bow. “There. Perfect.”
“Not as perfect as you.”
“You act as if you care about me,” Valerie snapped. “But I know you’re only doing this to suck up to my father.”
“What on earth are you talking about, Princess?”
Valerie just huffed as she adjusted the bandage one last time. “I know you were supposed to be my suitor. You’re only trying to act like this so I marry you and you become King.”
Soleil just tilted his head and smiled. Valerie hated his smile. Whenever he smiled, he looked as if he was about to do something cruel and careless. It unnerved her even more that he only shared that smile with her.
She looked away before Soleil could assume she was taking him in.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he told her. “Sure, I thought you were pretty when I first met you, but you are the most stuck-up, prissy little perfectionist I have ever met in my life. Maybe I’ve been toying with you, but I would never marry you.”
“Good!”
“Perfect, actually.”
They stared at each other for a moment with cold eyes before Manon walked in in a fresh, clean blue dress. Her hair was tied back in a sleek bun that showed her thin face and high cheekbones. She was prettier than Valerie remembered; then again, she would have probably made a better first impression on the Princess if they hadn’t first met at six in the morning.
Manon raised an eyebrow and hid her smile as she walked in. She headed to the dresser as she sifted through a few dresses.
“Good afternoon, Princess.”
“Good afternoon to you as well.” Valerie broke out of her accusing stare and headed to the dresser. “What am I to prepare for now?”
Manon smiled. “Most Honorable Soleil has prepared a banquet in your honor.”
“Has he?” Valerie said sweetly, turning with a blushing smile to the Marquess. He cocked his head to the side with a smirk and looked into her eyes, acting as if she adored him. She so desperately wanted to be kind, but she couldn’t wait to kill him. Her heart was torn.
“How kind of the Marquess,” Valerie said.
“It’s my pleasure for someone as wonderful as you,” he replied, running a hand through his golden hair. “There can only be the best for the crown princess.”
“Speaking of which, we need to pick out the best dress possible for such an event.” Manon went back to sifting through the dresser drawers. “Is there any sort of dress code for this banquet, Most Honorable Soleil?”
“Just something that accentuates the Princess’ perfect features,” he replied, winking at Valerie before leaning back again. “Though I’m sure not even a hideous dress could ruin her exquisite beauty.”
“You talk too highly of me, Soleil,” Valerie said, her voice strained. Soleil just smiled at her.
“I know.”
Before Valerie could snap at him for such a ridiculous comment that was completely unneeded, Manon pulled out a simple, satin purple dress and set it on the bed. She looked up at Soleil with mischief in her eyes.
“If I may ask, my lord, why are you in our esteemed guest’s room?”
Soleil sent Valerie an evil smile.
“Well, me and Valerie were-”
“About to talk about some of the Solstice rules,” she interrupted. Soleil sent her a menacing frown before nodding slowly.
“Yes. The Princess hasn’t played and is a bit confused.”
Valerie let out a sigh. Soleil played along. She wasn’t sure whether or not he was going to tell the truth, but he seemed ready to spout out some nonsensical explanation that would have left her dignity in shreds. He seemed to have no shame, and Valerie suddenly seemed determined to teach him some.
“Well, I hate to break up your conversation,” Manon said, “but you must leave for the Princess to get ready.”
“Of course,” Soleil smiled. He hopped up and made his way over to Valerie, where he grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. She shivered underneath her skin.
“I’ll be waiting outside to escort you, little thorn in my side,” he whispered.
“We’re not making that a nickname.”
But before she told him, the door had already slammed shut.
Manon quickly got to work helping Valerie out of her tattered orange gown and slipping into the purple one. It was beautiful and slim, but completely unlike the ornate gowns she had worn before. This one draped elegantly down to the floor, only a few layers underneath it, and missed the puffiness most gowns had. Its neckline was only a bit higher than the low necklines of the gowns she usually wore, and this one was made of fine satin that shone like stars instead of silk. Valerie loved the dress and still somehow felt exposed in it.
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can wear?” Valerie asked, feeling herself up and down. “This feels a little-”
“Revealing?” Manon asked. She chuckled. “Well, you are the one who forgot your luggage back at the cliff. The only gowns we have are leftovers from the other ladies who have stayed here.”
“Other ladies?” Valerie asked. She tried not to sound surprised. “Who?”
“The Marquess and his family are annual Solstice holders,” Manon explained. “It’s only natural that there would be women other than you.”
“In my exact size?” Valerie questioned. She seemed to grow stiff as her suspicion rose.
“Well, the Marquess does get to choose who comes,” she says. “But he’s not a bad person.”
“The Marquess and I have grown a mutual hate for each other,” Valerie hissed. “And I suspect I have stronger hate for him than he does me.” She watched as Manon tied a darker purple sash around her waist. They sat in silence for a moment as Manon dug through her vanity until Valerie finally asked:
“What does the Marquess want from me?”
Manon pulled out a powder blush and turned back to Valerie. She raised an eyebrow and tried not to frown. She almost seemed upset at Valerie’s question.
“It depends,” she finally told Valerie. “What price are you willing to pay?”
Valerie’s mouth went dry as the servant’s words seemed to sink in. She was the wealthiest girl in all of Lustreia; hundreds of gowns, hundreds of men to swoon over her, and just one step away from being commander of an entire army. She had never truly wanted any of those things in comparison to a little attention from her father, as any ‘gifts’ he gave her were really just picked out by her servants- but suddenly she felt as if she had to scramble to throw all of her luxuries towards the Marquess before he hunted her down and for an unknown reason. Not knowing something like that deeply unsettled the Princess- especially when the man reminded her of what she assumed her father acted like when he was young- ruthless, arrogant, and prideful of his position.
Still, she hoped, maybe this has to do with Solstice. Maybe he needs me to help him break his heart or become a criminal. Maybe he needs me to be an assassin, even.
Or maybe he needs to use me as bait.
Valerie snapped out of her thoughts when Manon tied up the top half of her hair with a bow. Her hair was dampened with sweat, dust, and oil, and Valerie desperately wanted to wash it. However, it did make her hair look incredibly shiny, and she couldn’t help but stand tall with the glow she seemed to carry.
“You’ll be the belle of the ball tonight,” Manon smiled, fluffing up Valerie’s hair with her skeletal fingers.
Valerie’s smile faded at her comment. She didn’t need any more attention, especially if she were to run away with Soleil in the morning. She didn’t need any petty noblemen running after her trying to save her. The situation had happened once to her as a child; she remembered a little boy in the courtyard had picked her up when she was only about three and had tried to run away with her. The entire first and second line had been after her, threatening all sorts of horrible tortures to the boy. But she had felt safe in that boy’s arms. After that day she had sought out anyone willing to kidnap her and take her away from her father. Now, the only real thing she hoped for was not to be murdered by her partner or any of the other Solstice players.
“Thank you,” she told Manon flatly, dipping her head slightly towards the woman. “You’re the only kind person I’ve met at this point.”
“Then I can assure you today is the last day you can take my kindness for granted.” She squeezed Valerie’s shoulders and opened the door for her.
“Remember what your old servant said; not to get mad.” She slammed the door behind Valerie and began to clean up the room.
The Princess huffed and stood out the door. Everyone at the mansion was incredibly cryptic, including the people who weren’t even a part of Solstice. Everyone seemed out to kill her. Worse, it almost seemed as if they had taken orders from her father, who was just as determined to make sure she was clueless and under his thumb.
“Marquess!” Valerie called, her patience snapping as she stared at the white door in front of her. “Come escort me to this stupid banquet immediately!”
Valerie swayed back and forth on her heels until she collapsed on the doorframe to her own bedroom, looking into the small crack of Soleil’s. His room faced the forest, making it dark and gory, and the only thing that seemed to be bright was his glowing blond hair. It seemed ironic to Valerie that such an evil person looked like a beacon of light to her. She wanted to believe in him, but trust was something to be avoided, especially with someone like him.
She tried not to let out a breath as the Marquess emerged out of his quarters. He wore a stunning white suit covered in silver embroidery of trees that made him look like a king of the winter, and his long, glowing hair made him brighter than the sun. He held an easy smile that looked perfectly innocent and humble, and his eyes held her gaze with grey pupils and blue irises so pale they looked like the color of sea spray. He held out his elbow for Valerie to grab, and she suddenly found herself blushing as she slipped her arm into his.
“You look lovely,” he told her, looking her up and down as he began to walk. “That gown always seems to make every woman stunning. Of course, none of them were you.”
“Why do you suddenly sound…Pleasant? Are you ill?”
Soleil chuckled, a deep chuckle that rattled Valerie’s bones. “I never expected those words to come out of you.”
Valerie stammered. “I-”
“Relax,” he laughed. He wrapped an arm around Valerie’s shoulders and rubbed his thumb back and forth on her arm. “Of course you like me. I’m much more stunning than you.”
Valerie’s eyes seemed to widen as she pulled away from him.
“I knew it. Nothing you ever say comes without some sort of idiocy.”
“No. It’s just that you can never accept the truth.”
“It isn’t the truth,” she lied. “I thought you looked like a woman.”
Soleil scowled at Valerie and tightened his grip on her arm as he opened the door of the dining room for her. At the table were an assortment of generic-looking people; a woman with a tight brown bun and an even tighter corset. Another with bouncy blonde curls and yellow eyes that lit up the room. A few older men had their hair tied up in ponytails and scowls that burned into Valerie’s soul. They must have learned it from her father.
Soleil went up and kissed the cheek of the girl with yellow eyes. Valerie hated that she seemed jealous. The Marquess was the most stuck-up, bloody-minded, arrogant-
“Princess!” Soleil smiled, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her forward. “This is my cousin, Lady Celine.”
“I had always heard rumors that the Princess was striking, but they don’t compare to how you look right now!” Celine beamed at her. Valerie smiled flatly. This Celine seemed too friendly. She reminded her of women at the castle who tried to suck up to Valerie to get close to her father. They always made her want to shrink away.
“Thank you,” Valerie said in a monotone voice. “I could say the same for you.”
“Oh, you’re too kind!” Celine laughed. “I have heard all about you from Soleil. He has such a big mouth.”
“Does he?” Valerie laughed, sending a glare towards the Marquess. He just rolled his eyes and smiled softly at her. “Do tell me what he said.”“Only that you’re so shy about your kindness,” she told her. “As if you feel bad to express it. I must tell you, My Lady, I have felt the same way many times. It’s as if aristocracy keeps me away from reaching my hand out-”
“I’m so sorry,” Valerie interrupted. “I think I need a few words with the Marquess right now. In private.”
“Oh.” Celine’s perfect face went stale as she hid her disappointment. “Of course, My Lady. It’s been a pleasure to speak with you.”
Valerie had already darted off to the opposite end of the dining table with Soleil’s hand caught in her iron grip. She pulled out their seats and sat down, her hand only becoming slightly loose.
Soleil seemed concerned for a moment until he began to chuckle.
“What’s funny?” Valerie growled, slipping her hand off of his. “Tell me, Marquess.”
“You’re-” he wheezed- “jealous!”
“Jealous?” Valerie said with a guffaw. “You are painstakingly wrong, Soleil. I just want to know why you think you have the right to speak about me to your cousin.”
“It’s not anything she didn’t already assume.” Soleil scooted back a bit as a waiter set down a steaming plate of duck meat and potatoes. “You’re our country’s greatest mystery. The Princess who never comes out- the one that acts like she’s a criminal.”
“I do not act like a criminal.”
“See?” he said with a mouthful of food. “You’re acting like one right now. All defensive and accusatory. It’s like you feel in your heart you’ve done some sort of heinous crime.”
“It wouldn’t be surprising.”
Valerie whipped her head around at the young man sitting beside her. At first, she didn’t see a man, but something that came out of a figment from her imagination. Sitting beside her was not just a man, but a pillar of perfection in a room full of prissy nobles. This man had a clean, sharp jaw she thought was chiseled by angels, chocolate eyes that came from the deep of the night, and brunette hair that looked like it had been filled with slivers of the sun. He chewed his food with a bored look as he waited for Valerie to respond.
The Princess quickly snapped out of her thoughts. She shouldn’t think of this man with dignity when he had just insulted her. He had accused her of being a criminal, which in her eyes, was punishable by execution. A lot of things were punishable by execution. Anything that could keep her away from living in the coziness of the shadows, away from attention, and away from her father.
“Excuse me?” Valerie asked, a growl rising from her throat. “Keep in mind you’re talking to the crown princess of Lustreia.”
“I’m well aware. Why do you think I said it?” he replied. “You do act as if you have done something. Every lady I’ve met is always excited to show off her aristocracy. But you… You’re afraid of it. You’re afraid of your title.”
“I am not afraid,” Valerie snapped. She looked back at Soleil for support, but he just sent her a worried glance.
“My lord, it may be best if you simply-”
“Let it go?” the man asked. He smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m not angry.”
“I was never worried about that,” Soleil said. “But keep in mind what the Princess will do to you tomorrow if you continue.”
The man’s eyes seemed to snap wider when he heard that. Suddenly, he took on an easy smile that nearly melted Valerie’s heart in two and dipped his head in respect to her.
“I’m incredibly sorry, My Lady,” he murmured, lifting up her hand and kissing it. She tried not to smile.
“All is forgiven,” she said, holding her chin high. “But take a bit more consideration in your words next time, or else you will be punished.”
“Thank you for your grace.” He lifted his head back up and began to eat his food.
Valerie stared Soleil down as he finished up his plate. He talked about her to the other man as if she was a threat tomorrow. She couldn’t imagine why. The only person she would be with on the first day of Solstice, and she planned to take any rage she had out on only him. If only he wouldn’t be so cryptic.
Soft music began to play in the hallway as people got up from their seats and headed into the entry hall, slipping their hands into a partner’s as they began to dance. Everyone looked elegant and perfect, and for once, Valerie felt a sudden fear that wasn’t from her father.
She looked at the two men on either side of her. One looked at her with a sly smile that she hated with all her might, and the other with a hopeful grin that she didn’t dare trust. She knew in her heart that tomorrow, both would be ready to kill her.
Valerie slipped her hand into the other man’s palm and got up with him as he led her to the dance floor. She looked back at Soleil, hoping to see some pain in his eyes. His worry, which lasted for about a second, quickly slipped into boredom as he took his cousin’s hand and began to dance with her. The Princess looked back with a melodramatic pout before turning back to her dance partner with a smile. He pulled her close to him and began to twirl her around.
“You dance better than I thought you would,” the man said with a smile, swaying her back and forth to the slow beat of the music. “I thought you would be a bit of a clutz, considering you never leave that room of yours in the castle.”
“Yes, well, it’s quite the surprise for me, too.” She blew her hair out of her face as he spun her around. “I’m usually pretty bad at dancing. I guess this time I have an excellent partner.”
“Don’t forget it takes two for a perfect dance.” He squeezed her hand and smiled. She smiled back.
“I never got your name,” Valerie said. “I’m sure it’s beautiful.”
“My parents are quite simple. The best they could come up with is Gabriel.”
“Gabriel is a lovely name!” Valerie said, rerunning it over in her mind. “When you said simple, I thought you were going to say something like Jake.”
“I said simple, not ugly.” He spun her around again. When Valerie turned around, she caught Soleil and his cousin dancing. Soleil looked perfectly happy as he swept his cousin around, her pink dress fluttering like the wings of a bird. For a split second, Valerie wondered why he didn’t look like that with her. Then she pushed the thought away. She knew better than to think about such trivial things.
Gabriel peered down at her face with a hint of displeasure before following his eyes to the Marquess.
“You must be close with him,” Gabriel said, his arm hugging her a little tighter. Valerie looked back at him and shrugged.
“I don’t know him that well. I guess since he’s the host of this I’ve just been a bit nervous to branch out.”
“Well, you branched out to me. And that’s about as good as it gets.”
Valerie scowled at him until he laughed. His laugh was deep and smooth, like the calming sound of a river rushing by. She wished she could keep it forever.
“But in all seriousness,” he began with a grim face, “you must try and make more friends here, before they assume you’re their enemy.”
“Ugh. Everyone here is so cryptic. I wish you all would just tell me what’s happening tomorrow.”
Gabriel looked thoughtfully at her for a moment before cracking a soft smile. She could tell it was fake.
“If I told you everything flat out, it would ruin the fun.”
His hand slipped off of her slowly as the music came to a close. Soleil gave his cousin a quick hug before running up to Valerie and Gabriel, bowing to Valerie’s partner before taking her hand and leading her to the stairs.
“How rude,” Valerie grumbled. She pulled her hand away. “I have to go say goodbye to him correctly before you rush away.”
“And I thought you didn’t have manners,” Soleil said with an eye roll.
“I keep them suppressed from you.”
Valerie walked stiffly up to Gabriel with the slightest limp. Her leg had seemed to heal for the most part, but it still itched and ached enough for her to fear putting any more pressure on it. When she thought she was about to fall, Gabriel caught her and pulled her close to him. She could feel his melodic heartbeat pounding against her own.
“Sorry,” she muttered, trying to pull away from the man. But he kept her close, running his hand up and down her back.
“That’s alright,” he told her, his hand coming to a stop against her neck. Valerie let out a soft breath as he bent down to reach her, his lips brushing hers. “Came to say goodbye?”
“Precisely,” she whispered as he placed a light kiss on her nose. She had only known him for about two hours, but she didn’t find herself trying to pull away. She trusted this man, had somehow pushed her fear out. She didn’t know if that was a good thing.
“I’ll make sure you get the goodbye you deserve.” He sent a sour look to Soleil, who sat with a tired look on the bottom of the stairs. Everyone had left except the three of them.
“Excuse me for a moment.”
Gabriel slipped away and sauntered up to Soleil, where she thought she heard the man asking him to leave. Soleil, despite all of his fussing and haughty threats, managed to walk away, leaving just Valerie and Gabriel under the dim light of the chandeliers. He wrapped his arms around her again and they began to sway.
“Now,” he whispered, his warm breath on her hair, “where were we?”
“You tell me,” Valerie chuckled. She wrapped her hands around his neck and looked into his eyes. She couldn’t imagine him trying to hurt her tomorrow. Not with the look he gave her now.
He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. His lips were warm and soft, and better than anything Valerie had ever dreamed of. She leaned into his kiss as his hand made its way to her neck, then to her jaw, rubbing it back and forth as she kissed him deeper and deeper. The kiss tasted like sweet honey. It was her first kiss, and she assumed it would be the best.
Gabriel held her head and kept her close to him when they finally pulled apart. Valerie forced herself to pretend she wasn’t breathless. She couldn’t be if she wanted him to kiss her again.
“For someone who’s alone all the time, you kiss pretty well.”
“It takes two for the perfect kiss,” she smiled. He just chuckled, one that went deep into her bones, and his hand ran back and forth along her spine again. She forced her good leg not to go weak.
“Would you like me to take you back to your room?” he asked, gently stroking your hair. “Unless you can stay up any longer.”
“I think it’s best for me to get back,” she told him, slowly pulling away from his grip. “According to what you and the Marquess keep saying, I’ll probably need good sleep for tomorrow.”
“You’re just as smart as you are seclusive.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as he helped her up the stairs. “You’re full of surprises.”
“I like to keep my subjects on their toes.” She grunted as she pretended to struggle on one of the stairs. Gabriel eyed her with worry before wrapping an arm under her knees and picking her up.
“Thanks,” she wheezed, pretending she was out of breath. He just smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck again until they got up to the second floor. He grabbed her shoulders again and helped her walk, even though she didn’t need it.
They made their way through the hallway until they got to the second to last door, which smelled of Valerie’s light perfume. Gabriel let go of her and opened the door. She made her way inside and sat on the end of the bed, waiting for him to say goodnight.
“So,” he whispered, his arm slipping behind her as he sat down, “am I more fun than the Marquess?”
“Tough question,” Valerie joked. “The stuck-up host or the perfect dance partner?” She looked him up and down with a smirk. “I think you know the answer.”
“Perfect,” he purred. He kissed her one last time before getting up and heading to the door. Before closing it, he said one last thing.
“Be careful, Valerie,” he told her. “The people you trust are the ones out to hurt you.”
And with that, he slammed the door shut.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there gru! Icy here for a quick review on a dreary Tuesday. Let's get right into it.
I love this interaction, it really shows the relationship between them and it's some great characterisation. There's almost a playful nature trying to peek through within the dislike and I hope that's something that grows over time.
If he's a lord, I'm assuming he's had some fancy education? If that's true I would expect his grammar to be more 'correct' even if it isn't how a lot of people speak. Here, I would imagine him to say 'Valerie and I'.
Let's absolutely make it a nickname.
I've read this line a few times but I can't quite follow... maybe I'm missing something?
He's gone back and forth between being nice (even if it's fake) and mean through this whole chapter so I don't really feel she should be surprised.
On the whole I think there's probably a lot to this chapter that you don't need. You establish quite well Valerie's feelings about her situation and the various relationships with the other characters but there are a lot of words for not a whole lot happening. I think the writing is good, but we're always encouraged to try and be a bit more concise and I would focus your efforts on this when editing, just to keep the story moving along!
Hope this was helpful.
Icy
Hello there my name is Stickles of the ST Brand Story/Book/Poem Review company or better unknown as STBPR. Today i am here to review Serrurie your story titled Solstice- Chapter 4- The Grueling Gala.
To start lets discuss your writing technique. You described the same as before, however you pushed for more description words on the characters faces and movements rather than the scenes and the locations. If you combine all of these descriptors you may have a long sentence so I'm impressed your testing every waters instead of just diving in. Its very professional.
Next we need to review the story as a whole. This time you took your romance into a more actual romance position. Although as a avid reader I'm assuming this will make the future chapters have something to use against Gabriel but I digress. Its a nice change overall.
Almost done cause next we have to look into the dreadfully boring grammar and spelling (not that I know how to spel).I didn't see any problems honestly. But again (old record at this point) periods are spoopid.
Finally I wanna talk from the heart and tell you what I as a reader think is great and what needs to be worked on. This final part is more my opinion than actually anything so dont worry your pretty smart head. I'm not a huge romance reader although i do enjoy reading romance novels. Its more of a mood for me although when it happens romances can be perfect. This use of romance can be perfect if you play your cards correctly, honestly I'm gonna score at a mid range but the next scoring will be subjective of these cards.
Your final score is /20
Writing 5/5
Story 4/5
Spell/Grammer 3/5
Personal 3/5
Grand total 15/20
Oh and a great bonus with being Reviewed by STBPR you get a audio book of your story free. It will be posted on (07/31/2024) via this link located here.
https://youtu.be/Pg5TkaI5EgM
Have fun writing. -Stickles