It's ripping my heart--
Having to be apart.
You have your own life:
A purpose to fulfill.
I'm trying not to cry,
But I know this is right.
Promise you'll call--
I promise to pray.
We will reunite.
I'll be counting the days.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
reminds me of the fault in our stars! this poem is from hazel grace to augustus!
Whoa!! That never even crossed my mind. That's part of the beauty of poetry though-- each work has a different meaning to each individual.
hey there..
groganbabygirl...
I found the poem to be quite simple and would really like to appreciate your understanding of separation. you made it clear that no one wants to be separated by their own will and everyone has a purpose to fulfill in life. great thinking!
But at the same time I would like to recommend you to get deeper into the notions of separation and bring out more real facts through your poem.
wish you all the best..keep posting!!
regards....
hey there..
groganbabygirl...
I found the poem to be quite simple and would really like to appreciate your understanding of separation. you made it clear that no one wants to be separated by their own will and everyone has a purpose to fulfill in life. great thinking!
But at the same time I would like to recommend you to get deeper into the notions of separation and bring out more real facts through your poem.
wish you all the best..keep posting!!
regards....
Thanks for your thoughts.
Wow, I really understand what you're talking about because me and my girlfriend go to different school and we can't see each other a lot. I really love this poem.
In line four instead of saying "A purpose to fulfill" I would say "Your own purpose to fulfill." It kinda flows better with the line before. In the lines 6 and 7, I would say:
If you promise you'll call
I'll promise to pray.
Again it just flows better. These are just some suggestions I would make.
It's a short but touching poem. You've worded well how it feels to be missing someone. I would maybe slightly change the format though. There are several options here but I think this would be best:
It's ripping my heart--
Having to be apart.
You have your own life:
A purpose to fulfill.
I'm trying not to cry,
But I know this is right.
Promise you'll call--
I promise to pray.
We will reunite.
I'll be counting the days.
I'm also a bit confused by this bit:
"I'm trying not to cry,
But I know this is right."
I'm not sure what you mean here. What is 'right' and how does that relate to the crying. Obviously not everything has to be so straight-forward in poetry, but it seems to me, with the way this is worded, that you yourself aren't even completely sure of the meaning of this bit. But that could just be my point of view of course.
One of my best friends is moving out of state. So, that's the thought behind that there. Thanks for the suggestion!!