Eden lives with dragons. That’s what all the little boys and girls know from across the way. Eden lives with dragons they say, wouldn’t it be grand to be like Eden?
Eden has flame red hair and doubloon eyes. They’re that sort of gold, caked with rust. Her skin is dark from the heat of a hundred fire bellied drakes and the children flock to her when she comes into town, even as their parents pull them away.
Eden doesn’t have a last name, because she lives with dragons, and some names here are so elaborate that the children envy her, because if they lived with dragons they wouldn’t have to spell their last name either. All the consonants and vowels get mixed up, the p’s and the d’s and the b’s and the v’s.
Every week that Eden comes into town, all the little boys and girls beg her to take them back with her. Eden says, in that way of hers,
“How about we play a game instead?”
They play tag till Eden has to go home.
Eden lives in a cave, like most dragons do. That’s what the adults say. Eden lives in a cave with smooth stalactites that gleam like the stars as the setting sun reflects off their sparkling surface. When Eden sleeps, she’s tucked in between her Papa Dragon and her Mama Dragon, wrapped so tight together because their huge bulks can barely fit in the cave. Eden fits though, because she is human sized and young.
Sometimes on Sundays after the service, Eden comes wearing bracelets made of baked clay beads. The children figure that they were heated in dragon fire. They ask Eden if she can breathe fire and she says, in that way of hers,
“How about we play a game instead?”
They play hide and seek till Eden has to go home.
The dragons eat people, the parents say. They eat bad people and naughty children. Terrible, dangerous monsters they are. Eden eats vegetables though, doesn’t touch meat. She eats vegetables and leafy greens and apples. She comes into town with a grocery bag that she probably found in the woods and goes home with her small bag filled with enough food to last herself for several days.
Eden is timeless. As the children grow older, she only sprouts a couple inches and fills out just a little. The children get bolder. They ask if they can meet her dragons and she says, in that way of hers,
“How about we play a game instead?”
They play Simon Says till Eden has to go home.
Eden has a following. She has a group of wide eyed eight year olds and seven year olds and six year olds that follow her around each time she goes into town. It’s because she lives with dragons, the parents say, as they pull their children away.
“Why?” The children ask.
It’s because she lives with dragons, the parents say. Dangerous, terrible dragons.
Eden goes home with her grocery bag full of carrots and potatoes and several children follow her to her cave in the twilight. They are eight and a half, old enough for the big world, they deem. Old enough even when they were seven.
Eden walks for a long time, through the woodland trail. The children follow, as always. The path is well trodden, lengthy and winding.
Eden lives in a house. She lives in a beaten down, worn out house with two stories and a tan exterior. The children stop because they don’t understand.
“Eden!” A man steps out of the house, not a dragon, followed by another. They all kinda squish together into a group hug.
“Eden!” One of the children finally speaks, and Eden’s head snaps up with her… dragony reflexes? No one understands what’s going on. Eden marches on over and stops about a foot away.
“Where’s the dragons?” one child speaks up.
“Where’s the cave?” asks another.
“Who are those guys?” asks a third, eyes wide as the men on the other side of Eden stare.
Eden says, in a voice like a calm pool of water, deep within a cave, going drip drip drip,
“That’s just my Dad and my Papa,” she eyes the lead child carefully. “We live here.”
“What about the dragons?” The lead child asks hesitantly, not understanding.
“Thomas,” Eden says, in that way of hers,
"How about we play a game instead?”
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
This one is very cute, and has a similar otherworldly quality to the witch story, maybe because of the repetition. Actually now that I think about it, I think it comes from how she evades the questions and always gives that same answer. That makes her haunting and mysterious without even trying. I love the gossip about her, and what they SEE, what they SAY, while knowing there must be some other truth. I love that it's actually something so simple and domestic--at first I was trying to come up with all sorts of peculiar non-magical home situations she might be in.
I read it so quickly that I didn't even realize until just now that they're a gay couple. I guess it didn't even register that that's unusual, lol. That adds an interesting depth to what the parents say, because I gather that her family is sort of outcast.
I think overall the story is great. It's bordering on too long for flash fiction and too short for a short story, but it has a very strong flash fiction feel. I think if you tightened this up, it would be perfect. It just felt a little too long and meandery for what it had to say. I'd recommend thoroughly shooting for a flash fiction feel. I think the biggest areas you could look at cutting down are all the description in the beginning--both the physical description of Eden, and the stories about her life with the dragons. Definitely keep the essence of it, but maybe cut down the actual words/sentences by half or so? Try and get this really tight and punchy and short, and I think you'll have a really strong piece on your hands.
I know you've listed these all as short stories and I keep talking about flash fiction. But the way you write is super flash fiction. Fits REALLY well. I have a lot of friends who write flash fiction or participate in weekly flash fiction groups, though I can't say I've done much with it myself. I know a lot of them submit to Janet Reid's flash fiction contests--I don't know any details as far as how often they are or anything like that--and I think if you polished up your work it would be a great fit. They're probably on her blog somewhere or other: http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/ Maybe try googling for Janet Reid flash fiction contests and read some old ones for a taste of it?
ha, I feel like I'm repeating myself when I say thank you so much! I'll keep your input in mind before I submit this story to anything. I must agree that it's that awkward puberty size. I'll look at cutting it down just enough so that it works well within the flash fiction area. :>
once again thank you so much! I'm surprised you read more than one. :> It means a lot to me. ^w^ Let me know if you ever have something that needs reviewing too. Obviously short stories/flash fiction are kinda my thing.
Thanks again!
No problem! They are short and easy to read. Tag me if you want more things reviewed ^^
I don't fancy myself to be a writer as of yet, but I do aspire to become one. I toy around with ideas and sometimes I jot them down and I pride myself on writing original content. Every now and then though, I come across stories such as yours that are so well written and so unique that I feel like quitting. In case I confused you, let me make it clear: I loved "About Eden".
Your description of Eden was simple and on point and as I kept reading, it reminded me of Huck Finn - one of my all time favorite characters. The repetition was excellently used to emphasize just how much people know and talk about Eden. Again, it reminded me of another character, one that people talked about with awe and fear, but nobody knew for sure what was what: Patrick Verona (from the movie Ten Things I Hate About You). Eden has an aura of mystery around her; that was very intriguing and - contrary to what somebody else commented in the review below mine - the reader should NOT know how or when or why she got the dragons. Speaking about the dragons...
The twist at the end was the cherry on top of the cake. It was completely unexpected and it made the story go from a nine out of ten to a motherfu*king fifty out of ten. It made perfectly clear why Eden answered the kids' questions the way she did. It brought the story full circle. It was just... right.
It's the best I've read on this website in a long time. A bow and a slow clap for you, my friend.
Thanks so much! I'm honored that you think of my work so highly!
Forgot to add that you literally made my day. ^_^
My pleasure. Keep writing and feel free to message me whenever you publish something new.
This was an intriguing story to stumble upon. The title I like because it just explains what it is about. The story is about Eden. I love her name by the way.
I think I read the story pretty thoroughly, but I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors. But I do have other suggestions.
I really liked the story, but I feel like you could have added a little more backstory all the parents tell their children. How did she supposedly get to the dragons? Why doesn't she grow like all the other children? It would seem that would just add more character to Eden and the story itself.
I absolutely loved the ending! It was surprising, and made me enjoy the story more. I had questions, like how does she get money for the food? Why do the dragons let Eden play with the other children? And when I got to the ending it all cleared up, and I was happy.
I think it is interesting how you had Eden respond with, "How about we play a game instead?" I have to ask, as a fellow writer, and I know how much thought we put into our writing, the meanings, why did you put that response? I liked it, so I was just wondering. Does she feel like she'll be criticized for the life she lives? Does she just not like talking about herself? Does she have a dark secret?
Anyway, that an awesome short story! It was very interesting, and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you! And I'd love it if you'd check out my work and follow me!
Keep Writing
B. E. Writer
Thanks so much for your review! I'll keep your suggestions in mind. :3 As for the ending sentence, I struggled with that quite a bit but finally settled on the fact that those children are still very young. Eden doesn't think they're ready to learn about the awful truth of their discriminatory, dragony, parents. That's why she tries to distract them from the truth. Whether or not it worked is a question that remains unanswered.