z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Maleficus

by geoffles


You can tell from the sounds. The steady jangle of metal jewelry and the hollow click of wooden beads. You can tell from the faint rasp of scales on skin, the back of her neck, the flicker of his tongue. You can tell from the words that seem to follow her, follow her, follow her.

A witch.

She wanders into town like a ghost. Like a phantom that no one can touch or see but knows by the shiver that runs down their spine and makes their toes tingle. She wanders into town like a river carves its way through the rock, cold and unforgiving to all in it’s way.

“Lone,” she says, looking at the store window in front of her, where lifeless mannequins are frozen in place. “It’s quiet out here Lone.”

Indeed it is. The streets are empty, blinds closed except a few watchful eyes, peeking between the shutters. They are the ones who are blind.

The snake wrapped around her neck hisses. It’s black, with an oily sheen to it that paints the back of her neck dark. She kneels and presses her hand into the dirt, palm flat against the ground. When she pulls away the earth is stained red, a faded rouge.

“They have a right, Lone.”

A witch. A witch lives in the woods beyond the bend in the road. The days she comes out--once a month during the black moon night--are met with fear. She has powers they say. A witch, they say. With long hair and wild eyes. Those eyes tell stories, they say. Take one look and you’ll see. The tales they’ve told.

She comes into town wearing black jeans that stick to her legs and a gray hoodie that’s two sizes too big. It’s decorated with the stars, and at night the lightning bugs can be seen following her across the road back to her house.

She carries the sun at her throat. A metal chain and stone pendant that clinks as Lone--the snake--slinks, slinks, slinks. He is her guide, to the overlapping worlds that only she can see.

They’ve seen her cast spells, that’s how they know. Aside from the torchbugs following her, there have been… occurrences. The dogs, the black cats, the creatures that go still while she passes through. It’s all a sign.

They have a right, a right, a right, to fear her.

She runs her hand along the glass, fogs her breath against the store window, breathes life into the air. She exhales, and they know she’s a witch because they can hear the whispers coming from the back of her throat, that float across Main Street and drift into people’s ears.

“Let’s go, Lone?” she asks, voice pitching strangely, elevating in an odd question.

The serpent flicks it’s tongue, barely grazing the shell of her ear.

“Alright.”

She never comes back to the small town, never goes past the bend in the road either. She takes step after step until she’s in reach of the stars that float off her clothes into the sky around her. The sun at her throat gleams, and for a moment, the worlds are silent.

They say witches live among the dead. You think they live among the constellations. They live among collections of stars that represent all that they are. Scorpius, Apus, Andromeda, Ophiuchus, there aren’t enough stars to explain

a witch.

She’s a witch.


















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75 Reviews


Points: 708
Reviews: 75

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Tue Oct 04, 2016 2:52 pm
ChieTheWriter wrote a review...



Hi there. I'm here to review this.

First off, this was a well written, very interesting, and just a little spooky. It has that, magical air about it, but just in a witchy way. I liked this. It's almost a ghost story, and makes you feel like maybe she's still out there... Just kidding there. Mostly.

More good news, I didn't pick up any grammar errors. Your spelling was good, your word usage was great, and your descriptions were excellent. There really wasn't anything I could see that was wrong. Nothing was really wrong, but I guess some could be improved. But Mergrim already covered that.

Anyway, great story.

Keep writing, geoffles!

~ Me




geoffles says...


thank you! I'm glad you liked it!



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264 Reviews


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Reviews: 264

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Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:59 am
Megrim wrote a review...



Hey there! Thought I'd give myself a break from reviewing novels and stop by this once since it's so short. Will probably look at a few of the others, too.

This is fascinating, and has a very poetic, lilting feel to it. It's not so much a short story as a vignette. Or maybe it's best categorized as flash fiction.

At any rate, I'm not sure what to make of it. It's haunting and otherworldly, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be picturing. There are some neat images here, especially the juxtaposition of the first image of her (beads and jewelry, snake, wild hair) and the second (jeans and hoodie). I really liked the snake around her neck, but it took me a while to figure out that was what's going on. For the first few paragraphs, it befuddled me.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to get out of it. I definitely get imagery and atmosphere. But those images are disjointed, not connected by any threads of "story" that I can figure out. She comes... she does what? Then she goes again. It seems like it's mostly about how creepy she is, but nothing actually HAPPENS, if I'm reading it right? It's about what she CAN (or might) do?

The repetition is an interesting choice, and I think that's what makes it feel more like poetry than a story. I suppose overall, my take-away is that it's a lot like when I go to an art museum: I can look at it and nod my head and go "Ooh, that's nice," but I feel kind of stupid because I know I'm missing the point. Artsy nuance seems to always go over my head.

Off to check out some more of your shorts!




geoffles says...


ahh thank you! I was hesitant about posting this because it's exactly as you say, it's more of a window into a story rather than a story itself. I wrote it as a gift for my girlfriend. An observation if you will. Don't worry you're not stupid, there really isn't much of a point. I just wanted to celebrate words. ^w^




Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak