Chapter 4…First day of high school
I woke up. I got dressed for school. I had breakfast. Just like any normal day, you would think. But it wasn’t for me. For me, it was that day when I had sprouted from a middle school kid to a high school girl.
As I walked towards the same, old building where all my worst memories were trapped, I realized that things were going to change when I took a turn and walked towards that part of my school I had never stepped in to. There it stood, prestigious and proud; my high school. It was a stone’s throw away from my middle school building but it seemed like miles apart, now that I would never have to bother glancing at it. Far away from middle school kids, far away from Selena.
I adjusted my backpack nervously as more serious thoughts clouded my mind. I wondered if Aanam and Leandra had reached school. If they had, they would have definitely seen the list which I was anxiously waiting to check. Then my mind drifted to even more serious things; I wondered if the senior teachers, who were now, going to teach me would behave well with me. I wasn’t sure if they had already heard the type of girl I was. I am sure thsoe gossip-loving middle school teachers must have mentioned a thing or two while travelling in the school bus or when they coincidentally meet in the supermarket or something.
I decided I would have to find out myself.
As I entered, I spotted Leandra and Aanam engrossed in a deep conversation, under the shade of a huge Banyan tree. This was probably the larget and one of the few trees in our school since most of it had been cut down to make this building. (Our school was located on a hill.)
“Saw the list?” was my first question. Before Aanam could open her mouth, I threw another question at her, “Are we in the same class?” I asked as I leaned across the brach of the tree.
“Well, we both are,” Aanam said, rubbing her hands together but somewhere in her voice I could hear disappointment. The next line made it clear “Leandra isn’t though. But you know what, It’s a good thing because Leandra always wanted to be less distracted. Didn’t you? And with us in another class, you can pay full attention on your studies.”
“Oh yes! Your studies,” I said, in a hyper way, “We know how important they are to you. Then you can grow up to fulfill your dream of becoming a successful journalist and support your ageing mother.” I said, looking in to the distance, but I think I was a bit over dramatic.
“Cut the crap, you two. It was bound to happen,” She sighed waving her hands, evidently fed up with her luck.
“Forget that, Lea. It’s going to be just like last year. We’ll meet during recess.” Aanam gave it a shot, reaching out for her water bottle.
“Its not you guys!” Leandra said, whining like a baby. “I know I will meet you people. But I don’t have any other friends too. Oh! Don’t even try to make me feel better.” She said, as we began to transfer from the warmth of the tree under the scorching sun.
I knew I should have been sad for Leandra but a part of me couldn’t help but heave a sigh of relief that I had at least one friend with me. Last year, all my friends were in section A or B, while I was stuck in lousy section C with teachers like Selena and classmates like Karen. (Karen was the biggest complain box the world has ever seen). I didn’t want a repeat of another year in isolation.
Watching Leandra depressed always gave me an uncomfortable feeling but what made it worse was that I could do nothing to make it better. She always bragged about how understanding and caring friend I was, but at times like these, I could never ever reach out to her which made me feel like a bad friend. Now, look at Aanam, so easily she could keep a hand on Leandra’s shoulder or give her a bear hug but I could never do that without making myself look lame. That worried me to some extent, which again made me feel left out. I always thought that Landra and Aanam had more connection with each other than any of them had with me.
Up the sloping path was a huge, rusted gate. We neared it and the feeling of anxiety grew, too. It felt as if something was being churned in my stomach.
Leandra, since you’re in high school now, you'll get to see Josh more often,” I said, but avoided eye contact in case I had said something wrong. I eyed Aanam, who was too busy drinking water from her black, puma water bottle like she hadn’t for ten years. Don’t even make me go there. Describing Aanam and her bottle’s relationship was unexplainable. It was like an eternal love story. They stayed together despite the numerous attempts made by the evil boys who played football with it and did all sorts of thing.
“Hmm,” Leandra murmured and walked towards the door, gesturing for us to follow. I knew I hadn’t really helped much, but I wouldn’t blame myself for trying. As we walked past the black gate, we saw the white and Red building with numerous windows.
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I struggled and glanced over the shoulders of the fidgety kids standing in front of me, trying to get a look at the list put up outside my new class. I ran my eyes through the piece of paper and realised that one third of Leandra’s class was made up of geeks. Feeling pity for my best friend, I stuffed my bag into the locker and slid into my seat next to Aanam.
I scanned the class room with my eyes. I knew most of them. The class was chaotic- boys flying paper planes, shouting swear words, some were chatting excitedly and some were already adjusting and organizing their books. The classroom was painted a light shade of pink and the bulletin boards were decorated with creative charts. I noticed a shelf in the corner to keep our coats or bottles or extra books. Convenient, I thought. Next to it, I noticed a stack of novels. The shelf containing it was labeled ‘school library books.’ So far, I liked what I saw though poor Leandra’s face flashed into my mind every now and then.
Silence dawned as a teacher entered our class. She was tall and slim with the right posture; she was smiling but looked stern at the same time. I noticed that she was wearing a huge amount of color and everything she did seemed like a flash of lightning. “Good morning class, I am Miss Bradley. I am going to be your math and home room teacher for this semester.”
I glanced at Aanam, who wasn’t paying attention. She was too busy writing her name in big, bold letters on her desk. From the corner of my eye, I peeked at the rest of the class. Everyone was silent and all that could be heard was the moving of the fan and the echoing, shrill voice of Miss. Bradley.
“I believe in no rules,” Miss Bradley continued. “I want you to learn on your own and set no limits. I would like this class to maintain discipline. Any complaints against this class and strict action will be taken.”
“Wasn’t that a rule?” a husky voice whispered behind me although, I was too scared to turn around in the presence of Miss Bradley.
Miss Bradley continued her lecture as I continued playing with my pen, idly. After she left, I turned around, curious to find out who was sitting behind me. It was a plump, chubby boy with sparkling, mischievous, brown eyes. I knew him! He was in the sixth grade with me. His name was Jared Goldwell. All that I remembered of him was that he was effervescent and funny but immature and damn annoying. Although, he had a charm, a charm that attracted me towards him the first time I saw him.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
So with NaNoWriMo over, I'm back to my critique list! I don't know if you're still wanting comments on this but hey, a critique never hurts. If nothing else, it may aid you with future writing.
Okay so nothing hugely interesting happened here but I like your colloquial writing style, that works well for a high-school novel and the characters are developing reasonably but they do need to less stiff. At the moment, you're not describing their actions enough. You're going just far enough that the reader gets a vague, rather rigid impression of them but there's no space for us to develop our own opinion on them. Like the bottle thing. That was a good little quirk but you explained it a bit too far instead of leaving it open to the reader's imagination somewhat. And you should describe how they stand and where they are. Setting is essential and you often forget to give us some visual details for rooms.
Okay, with the line-by-line done.
Your characters all seem pretty realistic. I can more or less imagine them as people I know. Your main character and our narrator is a little lacking in the emotions though. Especially since this is first person, we should be getting a lot more of her thoughts and feelings.
This is a very short piece, so I really don't have much to use to judge your overall writing style. From what I've seen though, you're pretty good, with the exception of a few choppy sentences and minor spelling and grammar errors. Nothing too major though.
Also, is this going to be a novel o a short story? If it's going to be a novel then I think this is a little too short to be considered a chapter.
Overall so far, my only major complaint is the whole emotions thing. I'll get right to your next chapters though, and see if they bring up anything else.
So, finnally made it to high school, eh? Let's see this.
There should be a comma after 'normal day' and there should be a period or a full stop after 'special day'
There should be comma after 'now' and should be 'you will get to see'.
Shoulders standing? Huh? You mean the two shoulder were standing there without a body?
This sounded as if you were scanning your own eyes through the room. You should change that to "I scanned the class room with my eyes"
You mean 'chaotic' and not all the boys are like this you know. Me and my friends at school can't be made out by other if we are in the class or not.
Should be 'complaints'
Should be 'from the first time' and is he your crush?
Well, this is really interesting and well written. I'm sorry that Leandra was separated.
Well, good luck.