How I survived high school: Chapter 3

Hey, sorry for not reviewing your story sooner.

Okay, firstly, good job on naming the main character or the your self. Natasha was a really good name for you. I once had a friend with the same name.

As she stepped gracefully into the hall, decorated with balloons and streamers of every possible colour, all heads turned.

“So?!” I freaked out. “Selena just spoiled my mood on what is supposed to be the best night of my life,” [s]I was[/s] moving my hands around like crazy.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I began. “I won’t let her get to me, I won’t!” I was practically shouting.

It was almost unbelievable that we were standing i n the same room which was otherwise, the hot, humid and sticky assembly room. Tonight, it was sweet smelling and spacious.

I turned around and saw at the far end of the room, Selena was sitting with a few more teachers.

“Hello teacher,” It felt really odd addressing her like that but who doesn't amke mistakes?[/quote]
Yup, you said it your self, 'who doesn't make mistakes. You have to change that unreadable word to 'make'

“No thanks,” She said, gesturing with her hands as well, as though I was deaf. “But you, I’d like to advice you to take up dance classes.”

Chapter 3...The end of middle school [colour=red][I'll start with a slight criticism as to format - I think you should write this as Chapter 3 - The end of Middle School.][/color]

As she stepped into the hall, decorated with balloons and streamers of all possible colours, all heads turned. [The repetition of all could quite easily be avoided and at the same time, you could make this a more visual first sentence. Consider this: how does she step into the hall? Does she glide or leap? Does she sway into the hall, does she float into the hall? And to avoid the 'all' repetition, simply use '...every possible..'] It was [s]like[/s] as if a goddess had entered the room [Comma here.] radiating pure beauty and warmth. [Hmmm. This is a little cliche which makes it almost plain. I'd suggest a more unique metaphor.] It was Aanam. [Good use of sentence structure.] She walked towards us wearing a light pink top with blue denims. This was one of the things that proved her natural beauty; she dressed simply yet did not lose her position as the most popular girl in school. All heads turned except one -Leandra’s, [Either use a dash either side or a comma either side. It's much neater.] as she was too busy stuffing her face with the cheese balls next to the snacks table.

Aanam ignored all the attention and walked straight up to the table, patting Leandra on the back. Leandra turned around, her hazel eyes flashing with curiosity. She was looking pretty in a light blue, sleeveless top matched with a white denim skirt and high boots. “Oh! Its you!” [she remarked, still playing with each cheese ball before she popped them straight into her mouth. “When did you come?”

“Well, just now,” Aanam replied, almost subconsciously. It seemed like she had something else on her mind. [That's not a subconscious reply. Well shows hesitation and hesitation shows thought. I'd suggest 'Just now'.]

“Aanam, you look kinda worried,” I [s]asked[/s] said, folding my arms. I usually did this when I didn’t know what to say next. [Hmmm. Maybe '...folding my arms; a bad habit I had developed when I didn't know what to say.'] “Something wrong?”

“No, it’s just that...” Aanam trailed off. “I met Selena on my way here. She asked for a lift.”

“And you gave her a lift! How could you? How could you offer help to some one who has provided me with nothing but suffering.” I sounded pretty melodramatic at that moment. [Perhaps 'Even I could hear the melodramatic tone of my voice: sulky, whiny, the sort of tone that infringes on other people's common sense.']

“Shut up, Natasha! How could she refuse? She’s a teacher after all,” Leandra told me off, [I don't like 'told me off' and the teacher part feels out of place, too much for the audience's benefit. Also, it seems strange that a teacher would ask a student for a lift...] wiping her mouth with a tissue. Why did she always have to be so reasonable? “You continue, Aanam.”

“And she told me that she hopes at least now I’ll pay more attention [s]in[/s]to my studies and stay away from my friends.”

“So?” Leandra asked, adjusting her hair.

“So??!” [Try to avoid multiple punctuation marks. It's all down to a writer's preference but it looks untidy and unprofessional.] I freaked out. “Selena just spoiled my mood on what is supposed to be the best night of my life,” I was moving my hands around like crazy.

“Natasha, chill!” Leandra said. “Just put up with her for this night, and then you probably won’t see her face ever again. And in any case, you know she’s just saying it to make you feel bad. [s]I f[/s] If you do, she’ll succeed, do you want that?” There she went again, being reasonable.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I began. “I won’t let her get to me, I won’t!” I was practically shouting.

“Leandra, you should really start working for an advice column,” Aanam joked, reaching out for fruit punch.

I almost [s]spat out[/s] spluttered orange juice at that thought. It was just too funny imagining Leandra as one of those advice-giving freaks.

“Yeah, any way who wants to talk about Selena? Guys, it’s the day we’ve been waiting for since forever! It’s supposed to be all happy and lively and joyful, right?” Aanam said, with a tinge of excitement in her voice.

It was true. It was the day I’d been waiting for the whole year. The last day of middle school! Finally, it was the end of all embarrassing moments I had experienced, the end of all the crushes I was tongue-tied in front of and most of all- it was a farewell to Selena. Middle school really wasn’t that bad, but seventh grade was hell. Now, sixth grade was different. It was the time teachers thought I was a good student with potential. It was the time I could do anything I wanted, without the dangers of getting caught or being in trouble. [s]But, I don’t know what had happened,[/s] But something happened, in one year, everything [s]had[/s] changed and the school I used to[s]once[/s] love had become some kind of prison.

Getting back to the present- the farewell, [Again, commas or dashes either side, not one of each.] I could see everyone’s faces sad about leaving their memories behind. Rihanna’s song ‘pon de replay’ began bursting from the speakers. This was one song that always got my adrenaline pumping.

“Come on, Aanam,” I said pulling both of them towards the dance floor. I was in the centre of the hall and I had never ever felt so confident in my life before. I raised my hand high in the air and started dancing, looking more like jumping.

Aanam and Leandra watched me in surprise, their jaws dropping, but I wasn’t really interested in their reaction at that minute. I was never the person who would dance and groove at parties but this was the best night of my life. I had survived middle school and tomorrow was the day I would start fresh. Tomorrow, I would be a high school girl.

As I was dancing, I thought I heard some giggles around me. I turned around and saw at the far end of the room, Selena was sitting with a few more teachers. I thought I would be the better person and make things better. [Try to avoid repeating better. Maybe 'the stronger person' would work?]

I walked up to her. “Hello teacher,” It felt really odd addressing her [s]as ‘teacher’[/s] like that but the words were already out, too late. “Would you like to join the dance?” I asked as politely as I could, forcing a smile.

“No thanks,” She said, gesturing with her hands as well, as though I was deaf. “But you, I’d like to advice you to take up dance classes.”

She had done it again. Turned my smile up-side down.

yup! I do...lol...
Thsnks shine! It meant lot to me that you red it!

Real stories are always worth reading.Good job.I felt like you could have added more details like you never said what Natasha wore or something like that.Anyhow its good this way too.

And yeah the ending :

She had done it again. Turned my smile up-side down.

“Aanam, you look kinda worried,” I asked, folding my arms. I usually did this when I didn’t know what to say next. “Something wrong?”

Hahaha!
The last thing

“No thanks,” She said, gesturing with her hands as well, as though I was deaf. “But you, I’d like to advice you to take up dance classes.”

She had done it again. Turned my smile up-side down.

Thanks Sudz!!!
I took up your idea of getting selena to spoil the dance. I mentioned her at the end!
And yeah, I hadn't named the m.c yet! lol! But I have in this chapter..
Hope you liked the re write...

And more reviews are always welcomed and appreciated!

Over all you have conveyed the m.c's(sorry I forgot the name!) emotions of excitement and genuine happiness on leaving middle school quite well,but I think you can polish the first lines a bit,make it more dramatic.For example you could try switching around the lines like this...

I've made some corrections here

She stepped into the hall, decorated with balloons and streamers of all possible colours, all heads turned. It was like a goddess had entered the room radiating pure beauty and warmth.It was Aanam who walked in wearing a light pink top with blue denims. This was one of the things that proved her natural beauty; she dressed simply,yet,she did not lose her position as the most popular girl in school.