(Yeah, this sucks. I know xD I wrote it two years ago, and it was one of
my 'better' poems. But I still suck at poetry, so it's okay 
)
Revive me when it's over,
as for now just let me sleep.
You can tell me all about her
but you won't see me weep.
My sorrow's kept within,
the greatest sacrifice I'll pay.
I'd rather you be happy
then to worry about my say.
As you tell me how you love her
there's only one thought in my mind;
How selfish I'd be to ruin
the true love that you may find.
My happy ending's gone,
yours has yet to be.
But you'll always see me smiling
as much as it hurts me.
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Canary word: Present
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,715 Reviews
Greetings Fragile!
I love this poem. You've made it very easy for the reader to relate to what's going on in the poem, and I like that. Just one little thing. Make sure you have punctuation after each line. It just helps things flow better. Other than that, this poem was amazing. I'm giving you a gold star too!
Hey Frag ^^ Shina here for a review
I. Nitpicks
Comma after, now, unless that ruins the flow you wanted.
I feel like the last line should be changed to something like :
"and I won't show you that I weep."
Something with more syllables that connects to the sentence.
*sorrows, no apostrophe
Colon here : not semi colon.
Semicolon after "be".
Good ending ^^
II.Overall
This was really catchy, but you need to work on some of the rhymes so they don't eat up the poem. I especially like the last stanza/sentence.
Read your poem aloud and I think you'll be good to go ^^
-Shina