Prolouge
Five years ago
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Sorry, who- wait, why can't I see?" He asked.
"We're almost here, don't worry." she said. "And I'd be careful of the electric eels, they're brutal."
"I can tell." he said, somewhat annoyed.
"I'm glad all the scientists have figured out the location." She added. "You happy to be picked for the job?"
"Do I look happy?"
"Glad you still have your sense of humor, then."
"Naturally."
splash!
"What happened?" she asked, rushing out onto the deck, panicking.
"What? what?" He asked, rushing out after her. But because of what happened ten hours ago, he slammed into a wall shortly after.
"I belive we're here." she called to the crew, and everyone leaned over the railing anxiously.
"We're reached Atlanits," she said. "I knew we could!"
But nobody spoke. Because what caused the wave was quite surprising.
"Are those...? What I think they are?!" she asked, panic rising in her voice.
For what had caused the wave were mermaids.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi, I am very interested to see how this relates to Wetfire. Perhaps that's why the Leafwing fell into the water?
Either way, this story was very interesting on it's own.
I like how you didn't feel the need to clarify who the characters were in this story. It really added a sense of mystery.
The mention of electric eels and the inability to see made me think the characters were underwater but then suddenly they were on a ship. I wonder what the relationship between the woman and the scientist is. She definitely seems like the braver of the two though.
I am very interested to find out why this group was looking for Atlantis and whether the mermaids were hostile or not.
I would have loved to get a description of the scene but that can wait for the next part (if there is one).
At the end when you said "We're reached Atlanits" you made two slight spelling mistakes.
'We're' should be 'We've' and 'Atlanits' should be 'Atlantis'
Other than that you did really will with spelling and grammar.
Overall I'm excited to see where you take this and enjoyed reading it.
thank you!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is an interesting little start here. It seems we're once again on the cusp of a interesting little tale and this one seems to be something even more different from all the rest. I'm very excited to see where it goes. Already it seems pretty exciting from the limited information we have.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the little dialogue to start off with. We're immediately brought into a pretty strong sense of what state they may have found this city in and the kind of immediate dangers that the city presents at the moment. It also looks like the people here starting this investigation aren't exactly fond of the work that they have to do either.
OOooh well this is a lovely little note to end. Perfect little detail to entice us readers to want to find out more there. Mermaids are definitely going to make an interesting addition to this Atlantis and there's the extra mystery of exactly how hostile or friendly these mermaids are going to be. All in all a solid place to end.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a lovely little prologue that you've got here. I think it captures the idea of this place well enough to get our attention and establish just enough inklings of the plot that we do want to find out more.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
thank you!