Hey there!
With a drink and a bowl of scary popcorn, I read this scary, incredible story. Back here with a review.
I'm glad you decided to make a real show out of this story, because it totally deserves one. The suspense builds and the mystery at the end is quite a cliffhanger.
I feel I can read and understand the story better when you describe a movement or describe something in brackets, not to mention it definitely adds another layer of humor to your story. The dialog also makes it seem more alive and I love reading that. I see you've decided to bring back my favorite 'Wednesday' character, Beatrice, with the black cat and the unnecessary umbrella. That's more like it!
Open shot with a normal looking street with two houses. One house is a great blue color with white shutters and a carefully manicured garden. The other house is black, almost melting into the shadows of the street, dark and foreboding. With an overgrown garden and and the occasional crow cawing, it's like a scene from a horror movie, right when the girl walks in and the door shuts behind her with a creak.
I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I'll do it again. Your writing is very unique. How do you manage to pay attention to small details and still keep the creepy feeling? With the attention to detail, you really keep your readers engaged in the story.
The text messages from Sylvie and her BBF are probably relatable to everyone. She sounds like a typical teenager who is bored with her life. Great job!
Sylverianne has a high and perky voice. Just to be clear. Anyway, the mother sighs and puts her hands on her hips. Sylverianne looks up from her phone finally, and asks,
Sylverianne: What are you still doing?
Mother: remember? It's...
cue heavenly choir
Mother continuing: friday fun family reunion dinner tiiiiiiiiiime!
Okayy... Definitely didn't see that coming, but it's funny. I love the extra 'i', it's like you can almost hear someone saying it.
show flashback, inside the creepy house at the dinner table, the house somewhat represents the haunted mansion on Toca World. Sylvie, trying to start small talk, asks a simple question.
Sylvie: Hey, uhhh, Beatrice, am I right?
Beatrice: I suppose. Do continue.
Sylvie: [visibly shaking]: so, uh, what's your favorite color?
Beatrice lets her black cat she was petting fall to the ground, which it stalks away with an unsavory glance, now hold onto her open purple umbrella, even though it is not raining.
Sylvie: (continuing): 'cause mine is pink, and, uh, yellow! Like unicorns and ducklings! What about you?
Beatrice (coldly, but that is how she always talks, really.): I like the colors black, purple, and red. Dark red, like blood.
Sylvie lets out a small yelp of horror.
Yup, that was creepy.
The scene of the dinner was just as suspenseful as a silent room with both a killer and you hiding in it and broken glass is scattered on the floor. I didn't dare to blink.
The contrast between the colorful clothes with a happy feeling and the dark clothes with a dull feeling is amazing, it's almost as if could hear Wednesday say: "Looks like a rainbow vomited on your side." Good one.
And then comes the strange note on Sylvie's bed. And it's totally not odd why the blackmailer want jack-o-lanterns.
exactly ten of the jack-o-lanterns are to have screaming faces, and the other five to be inscribed, over and over again, "Don't come back."
This was a nice touch.
From, You'll never know
Uhmm.... (looking around for any sign of suspicious things) I'm kind of scared now.
(And by the way, if you're looking for a creepy horror story to read, check out my story "The Dark Truth" on YWS)
Creepy goodbyes,
Rose
Points: 27831
Reviews: 151
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