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12+ Mature Content

Many Perspectives (s1, ep2)

by foxmaster


this is a screenplay, but I am writing it in the format of a novel. And, to answer all of your questions, the reason I have written it like this is because I prefer novels to screenplays and they're easier to read and/or write.

Also: the bolded part(s) are the voice over from the charachters- just a side note.

A book opens on a pedestal. It's in a cavern, the typical stereotypical ones you find in the fantasy things. Dramatic music plays in the background. A girl and a boy stare at the book with wide eyes. The girl has dark brown hair in a messy bun, and is wearing a black dress. The boy has black hair and is wearing a black shirt and jeans.

The girl stares at the book for a moment before saying, "Elmer, we did it."  

"Mineva.... are you okay?" Elmer asks. Mineva glares at him before saying, "Well, I haven't had any flashbacks lately, so we should be okay, I suppose. What do we do?"

"Well, what the mayor of the city said. We're taking this." Mineva nods, and leans over to grab the book, before the room visibly spins. She groans and her head hits the book hard. 

The screen goes black, before showing a graveyard, the entire shot containing a purple tint. Mineva is hiding behind a gravestone and breathing hard. A bolt of lightning hits the sky, and Mineva's eyes begin to glow. 

Now, switch shot to a classic cliff above an ocean, with rocks everywhere, gray sky, you know the drill. Mineva is staring at a person on the edge of a cliff, and lighting once again flashed against the sky. The person on the edge of the cliff turns around to Mineva, and says, "Great to see you, it's been a while."

Mineva turns around and runs the other way as fast as she can. The person just stands there, and suddenly Mineva turns around and the person there falls off the cliff. Mineva runs to the cliff, and the person sinks into the mist. 

"We jinxed it, I think." Mineva shoots up off the pedestal, groaning and panting. 

"How much was it?" asks Elmer, concerned. 

"Only half." says Mineva. "It's starting to let up now, I think." 

She grabs the book and starts speed walking out of the cavern. "Let's do this fast." She says, before screaming and collapsing again.

This time, she sees not her flashbacks, but someone else's. She sees  shot of a girl with short black hair falling off a building in an unfamiliar place. Lightning strikes again, and she sees a suspicious man standing at the scene of the crime. The camera circles around him, now showing Mineva standing behind him.

"Good, you made it. It's a good thing I pulled you out of your flashbacks, finally, into another one." the man says, back turned to Mineva, soaking wet in the downpour.

"H-what?" Mineva asks, and the man turns his head to her, saying, "Everyone knows who you are... witch."

Mineva gasps, and the man grabs her by the shoulders and throws her off the building. Mineva flails around, her dress fanning around her, before the shot changes around her, and she's back on the cavern floor.

"Two at once? This has to be a new record." says Elmer, staring at her.

"How'd he know I'm a witch?" Mineva mutters. She gets herself gathered, and walks out of the cave into a large field with mountains in the distance. Elmer is close at her heels, carrying the book and stumbling.

"Wait- what? We're supposed to keeps this a secret!" He cries. Mineva fast-walks away, saying, "I know."

"But, he knows-"

"I know." Mineva pauses and glares at Elmer. "We have to get to the nearest train to Non-crazyland. We need to get out of fantasyland before the giant Lizard catches up."

"This is a problem!" Elmer yells, exasperated. "A huge problem!"

Mineva glares at Elmer. "That wasn't my vision. Whoever fell off that building... she's important. I can tell. WE need to find her." 

"WE?"

"WE." Mineva walks toward some train tracks, where suddenly a locomotive passes by. She and Elmer grab two handrails and speed off into the distance.

"Why do WE need to find her?!" Elmer yells, pushing himself against the walls of the train. Minerva groans.

"It's... complicated, but that man is clearly bad. We have to sort this out, stat." Minerva says.

The train begins to fade off into the distance while Gangnam Style begins to play in background. 

Rain falls down in a murky city while umbrellas fly away. Mineva and Elmer walk down a street quickly, before getting to a wall.

opan Gangnam style!

 The two stop at the wall, before walking through it quickly. They get to a city in the middle of a huge force field.

"Finally," says Mineva, before suddenly a soft shing echoes around them, and Minerva pauses.

"What was that?" she asks.

Suddenly, she falls face-forwards into the mud, unmoving, and the book follows suit, but it falls open.

This isn't a vision.

credits


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Tue Aug 01, 2023 3:59 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey fox - Icy here with a quick review (what better use is there for a train journey?)

I'm interested in the idea that this is a screenplay but written as a novel. It makes the technical elements of this very tricky to critique, so I'll go ahead and comment on the plot as a whole rather than focussing on specific areas.

I've had a scan through the previous chapter (episode?) so I'm caught up although fully confused. I'm hoping this part will start to answer some of my questions, so let's get into it.

The girl stares at the book for a moment before saying, "Elmer, we did it."

So I should have probably guessed from the title that we were going to switch perspectives for this episode xD This environment currently feels totally different to the last part, so I'm wondering how you're going to make it feel cohesive.

This time, she sees not her flashbacks, but someone else's. She sees shot of a girl with short black hair falling off a building in an unfamiliar place. Lightning strikes again, and she sees a suspicious man standing at the scene of the crime. The camera circles around him, now showing Mineva standing behind him.

"Good, you made it. It's a good thing I pulled you out of your flashbacks, finally, into another one." the man says, back turned to Mineva, soaking wet in the downpour.

So far the cohesive theme seems to be...chaos. I'm torn, because I can't tell if I'm struggling to follow this because I'm supposed to watch it not read it, or if it's because too much is happening all at once. I think it might be a mixture of both?

For me, I'm missing any connection with the characters. There's a lot happening and it's exciting but I don't feel grounded by anything. Usually that could be the characters or the setting. The setting changes more often, so the characters need to do that job here and I really don't know anything about them. I'm not attached, and I think I need that to want to keep reading/watching.

I'd also love to see more of a mix between slow and fast paced sections, even if only to give me a chance to breathe between everything that's going on!!

Hope this was helpful,

Icy




foxmaster says...


so.... basically, what's going on is Katy is going to end up traveling through two (maybe three?) worlds, and she's gonna end up meeting mineva and Elmer some time, I suppose, and the perspective things are because each world gives her another perspective of life in the other worlds. Or something. (The original slideshow version of this saved onto my drive was less confusing, believe me.)



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Mon Jul 31, 2023 7:53 pm
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hiya! This is Orabella, here to review.

Yay! Another episode! I'm afraid I don't have all that good of advice for ya, but I can try my best.

First, a bit on spelling and grammar.

They get to a city in the middle of a huge force feild.


"Feild" is spelled wrong (though it's silly because I spell it like this all the time on accident). It's supposed to be "field".

"Wait- what? We're supposed to keeps this a secret!" He cries.


"Keeps" should be "keep" or some other way to change this so it makes sense grammatically, and the "H" in he should be lowercase.

I wasn't looking for grammar specifically, so there may be more I didn't find, but this is what I saw.

I think this is a very good transition between screenplay and novel formats. I can picture most of it clearly, and it acts just like a show I might watch. However, it seems a little fast-paced. Even though my first instinct is speed through the exciting parts, it's more interesting when they're slowed down. That isn't to say add a bunch of random details in tense moments, but add to what you already have. For example: Olivia was running, and then someone grabbed her jacket and she fell on her face. It reminded her of the time she saw a fox diving into the snow to catch mice. Wait, was it mice? She didn't remember. Even though the fact about the fox is adorable and interesting, it doesn't belong in this moment. It should be focused on the tension in the moment. Anything else will bring the reader out of it. Instead, try: Olivia felt hands yank the hood of her jacket and she stumbled. The sudden stop of momentum from her sprint sent her careening, face-first into the dirt, and she felt mud splash around her as she hit the ground. The second option is more interesting and (probably) keeps the reader hooked in the conflict between Olivia and this mysterious person.

Anyways, that's all I've got to say. Amazing work on this!

Keep writing!

This review courtesy of
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foxmaster says...


thanks for the review!




Perfection is lots of little things done well.
— Marco Pierre White