Save me from Myself

This was an amazing poem!

Hey there. Here's a review for you, representing Team Red Writing Hood on this fabulous February Review Day!!!

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This was a really nice poem, and I think that you did a very nice job of conveying a wide range of emotions here. From reading this, I could tell that something has been weighing on the narrator for a very long time. What I like most about this poem is that you left exactly what that thing is very ambiguous. This allows for readers to interpret this in any way they want to really. Poetry, I believe is the interpretive literary form, and this poem is a prefect example of what that means. You did a good job of capturing the feelings that all of us experience at one point or another. (uncertainty about the future, worry, emptiness, etc.)

The only thing I can really point out that I think you should revise is this part:

"I keep it bottled up.

But now it disappeared.

There’s nothing left."

These three lines were honestly just a bit confusing and I felt like they threw the poem off course for a little. This was mostly because I wasn't really sure what you were trying to say. What's disappearing? Is it the narrator's sorrows? If so, shouldn't things be taking a turn for the better now? What's empty? Is it the narrator's soul? Are they troubled by feelings of fulfillment? Have they become numb to the world's sensations? I really couldn't tell exactly what you meant to show with these few lines. Other than that, I think this was a very nice read. I hope this is helpful for you should you decide to revise this poem.

Happy Review Day and Keep Writing! ;D

Hi, welcome to YWS (I'm new here too )
This was a really nice poem, and very much in the spirit for valentines day. I really like the tone, of a seemingly troubled narrator, who seems to bottle up his emotions, and yet hope they are noticed. I also really like the use of repetition in the last two lines.
A few minor things:

"But now it disappeared" doesnt seem gramatically correct. Try "But now it has disappeared", or "But now it's disappeared". Atleast, I think that makes more sense.

Also, as Cirute said, some of the line breaks were a bit choppy.

Overall, very nice job, I like depressing poetry, and I hope to read more like it!

~Hadj

Hello, Findingmyway, Cirute here to review your poem.

I'll start by saying that, though the whole depressed-teen thing is waaayy overused here, I still liked your poem. It was different from others that I have read, which is good. I liked the fact that you discussed bottling up one's emotions instead of just focusing on the depression part. This, I think, gives out a good message.

The only real suggestion I would have for it is that you work on your flow a bit. It seemed rather choppy in places, such as this:

"Someone will not tell me what to do, or give me advice, or

even express their opinions of me."

I dunno, this just seems not to flow off the tongue quite right. With a little work though, I think you could really improve it!

Other than the flow part, I didn't see much else wrong with the poem. Good work!

~Cirute