Mom got rid of the clothes. All of them. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell anyone. I only found out because I went looking through the closet for the shirt. Maybe if I had thought to look for it sooner, it still would have been there.
From the left side of the bed, the cat watched me while I rummaged through everything. Half the closet was empty. I went through the drawers; they were empty too. I tore through cardboard caskets and still found nothing. There's nothing left, not anymore.
I called my mom and asked about the shirt, where it was, where I could find it.
"I don't know hija, it's probably gone."
Probably gone? Probably gone? Is it gone or isn't it? I asked her what she meant, and bit my tongue at her answer. I said okay and my goodbyes. I can't blame my mother for what's missing, even if it's gone for good. It's not her fault.
The cat meowed at me when I finished the phone call. I looked over at her, laying atop something black over the white bedspread. I reached underneath her to pull it out. She held on with her claws. I yanked harder.
"This isn't yours," I told her.
She yowled at me in response, claws dug into the black cotton shirt. It's a minute until I give up, not wanting to destroy the black cotton shirt in the process of fighting over it. She's just a cat, and a cat doesn't know what I know.
All she knows is that she is waiting on the left side of the bed in the late afternoon, the same way she waits on the recliner in the morning and in the evening. She doesn't know you're not coming back, not back to bed, not to the recliner, not for your black cotton shirt.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hello!
I quite enjoyed reading this, it was short and sweet yet held some great emotion at the end! The reveal of some type of tragedy at the end is done in a very smart way. Theres absolutely no guessing what the title could mean before that last sentence, and it brings the whole story together, well done!
The inclusion of an animal loyally waiting for (my guess the kids' father) and the protagonist desperately trying to find that shirt is a good dynamic that holds real value towards readers lives.
I don't really have any complaints, the story was quite good. You could always add more emotion by having some argument with the mom, but of course it depends on how you want the character to act like. After reading this I feel you wanted the character to have already accepted the loss of who ever owned that shirt.
Have a great day/night!
thanks so much for the review! Yes the character talked about is the dad, so I am glad you were able to see that. I get what you mean about the argument possibly happening, but like you said the character had already accepted the loss.
Hey, it's Gruzinkerbell, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
- Your stories always make me want to cry. You have a beautiful type of writing. An event in an average person's life turns into a tragic backstory when you write it. It's very elegant.
- I like the suspense about what's happening to mother, and how it isn't revealed until the end. It adds curiosity and intrigue to this.
- BONUS: there's a cat
Overall Opinion
- I don't have a lot to say other than to maybe make this longer. It was a great story! But I don't have a lot of good or bad to say because it was pretty short.
Room For Improvement
- This was a great short story. I was intrigued by it. As I'm pretty sure this was inspired by your real life, I hope everything is better for you now.
Happy writing, and have a blessed day!
Serrurie
Hey there, thanks for the review! To be honest, the story was almost even shorter than this.I nearly ended it at the fifth paragraph, but decided to add a little more. I was not sure what else to say. Do you think it was missing something?
It wasn't missing anything! It was just a bit short. You're a great writer though, so that makes up for it
Hello hello, I hope you dont me popping in with a quick review. I apologize, as this will be a short one. However, I hope that my thoughts can brighten your day nonetheless. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I enjoyed reading this piece a lot. From what I've read of your other works they always carry a very cozy but reflective vibe and this is no different. I love how you add little details like the colour of the sheets or the remaining clutter in the closet. It gives this a personal and intimate point of view that works well with the themes. Sometimes we cant go back and the past is lost forever yet time moves on regardless.
Plus cardboard coffins is great imagery I just love it so much. I kind of wish I had come up with it.
Now I should get into the feedback this will be very short I promise. As always I am not a professional nor do you need to use anything I say. You are the author after all.
Personally, the use of black cotton shirt once again in this sentence sounds awkward and redundant. This is because you used it in the last line without much buffer or established stylistic choice. I would rephrase it like this instead.
Regardless I found this a thoroughly enjoyable read that is mundane but moving. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
Ahh thanks for the review, I see what youre saying about the shirt part. I reiterated black cotton shirt because it%u2019s not *the* shirt I was looking for, it%u2019s a different one. Maybe instead I should switch it to a black cotton shirt and a shirt?