my little sister and i

Hey, it's Serrurie again, here to leave a review! (I absolutely love your writing style, by the way). Anyways, let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
- I think you did great writing the first sentence/paragraph of this.
- The emotions in this are vivid in your writing . You did great showing the simple annoyances and pleasures of a little kid!
- The sibling dynamic is really good in this.
- I was writing this review as I read, and the ending is so sad. I'm really sorry. But needless to say, the ending was really powerful and unexpected. It puts a twist on the dynamic you and your sister have.

Room For Improvement
- As usual, your grammar is pretty perfect. You have a good handle of conjunctions and everything you've written sounds professional. Everything I did notice was forgotten as soon as I got to this section of the review anyway (*sighs*)

Overall Opinion
- You did amazing with this. It packed a lot of emotions in it, and I really felt this writing.

Keep writing, and have a blessed day!

Serrurie

Wow. Just wow.
For me personally, having a little sister myself, this hits close to home. I really loved how you managed to fit so many experiences into such a short space, but still giving each one their entitled amount of space to really shine and give meaning to your work. What’s more, this doesn’t just apply to the big stories and paragraphs of your work. The small details (such as your dad; I am so sorry), shine just as brightly as the developed points. A truly marvelous work, and I am glad I took the time to read it.
I don’t love nonfiction, in any of its forms. I hate it in fact. I have tried to read nonfiction, but it always ends terribly. Fiction is just so much more interesting for me.
For this reason, I am shocked at how invested I was into this story. Again, amazing work, keep it up!

Wow. Just wow.
For me personally, having a little sister myself, this hits close to home. I really loved how you managed to fit so many experiences into such a short space, but still giving each one their entitled amount of space to really shine and give meaning to your work. What’s more, this doesn’t just apply to the big stories and paragraphs of your work. The small details (such as your dad; I am so sorry), shine just as brightly as the developed points. A truly marvelous work, and I am glad I took the time to read it.
I don’t love nonfiction, in any of its forms. I hate it in fact. I have tried to read nonfiction, but it always ends terribly. Fiction is just so much more interesting for me.
For this reason, I am shocked at how invested I was into this story. Again, amazing work, keep it up!

This piece made me think and feel so many things. I think you beautifully touched on the themes of family and the individual, how your relationships change with the years and you change with them, how some things don’t change and it can make you feel helpless. To be an individual in any relationship is a challenge.

That last line was entirely unexpected and is written with so much impact. Those are the moments we strive for as writers, just knowing unequivocally that you did something really really well.

You could have ended before that and it would have been a nice bittersweet vignette about your sisterhood. With the addition of that last line we end not on a moment of shared emotion, the “me too.” but on your continued internal struggle with this relationship.
It’s different now, originally your comment about not being able to keep her from crying comes from naive and young desire to be something specific to her. Now it’s years later and you’ve been through so much, your relationship has changed in many ways and you’ve both grown, and this time the feeling of failure to keep her from crying has so much more emotional weight.

Just all around well done. I think the line writing can be elevated with some editing but nothing that reads as incorrect or ill conceived. I think you have the ground work to elevate your work to excellence which is a huge feat (it’s gotta be pretty darn good to have that opportunity).

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this is quite the little tale here. Looks like we're dealing with something a little sadder honestly than what I was expecting when we starting out there on a familiar more wholesome path.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

[/quote]I remember being excited when Mami told me my little sister was growing in her belly. My mom and my dad had already given me two brothers, so naturally, I was itching for a girl. Mami even got me one of those books where it says, "I'm Going to be a Big Sister!" on the cover.

The book had a place where I cut out a picture of my face and stuck it onto the character, the big sister... me. There were fill-in-the-blanks on the pages, where I could write down what I'd be doing as a big sister to help my little sister grow up, and help Mami take care of her. [/quote]

Well this looks like a pretty cute start all things considered. Looks like quite the little moment in the family that gathers everyone together and focuses them on a happy little moment.

This was all super exciting, at first, because Mami told me I'd finally have someone to play Barbies with; my older brother had stopped playing Barbies with me the year before. But then, my little sister was born. She came out of the womb, looking all fresh and alien, as all babies do.

I found, as I couldn't really remember the birth of my younger brother, that babies aren't all that exciting when they first come out. They sleep, they cry, they poop, they pee, and my little sister was no different from any other baby.

My little sister cried when I held her, and it upset me. It upset me because I thought I must've done something wrong. Then Mami took her from me, and she stopped crying almost immediately. Didn't she know I was her older sister? I didn't have a way to keep her from crying.

When my little sister finally started walking, she was a menace. Even more so when she learned how to open door knobs. I started to wish she was still immobile. Mami would put her in my room so we could play and she could take a break, but my little sister didn't have any idea how to play with Barbies. Mami told me I could teach her.

But there was no reasoning with her. She'd grab my Barbie dolls and mess up their hair. She'd stick their feet and their clothes in her mouth, covering them in her thick saliva. Then she'd stand up, using the second floor of my dollhouse to steady herself and reach in to take all of the furniture. I ended up moving all the furniture to the top floor where she couldn't reach.

I remember one day Mami told me she had a surprise for me after she came home from the grocery store. I was excited, naturally, because I thought it had to be a new toy. More specifically, a new Barbie doll. Turns out, it was a box of Fruity Pebbles. Less exciting, but exciting nonetheless; I loved Fruity Pebbles.

But someone left the box on the ground, that someone probably being me, and my little sister got into the box, tore into the bag, and spilled its entire contents all over the oak floor. And I was, understandably, upset. Not only had she spilled the entire box of Fruity Pebbles, but she had spilled my entire box of Fruity Pebbles. Mami said she got them for me.

Something belonging to you is rare in a multi-sibling household. Rooms are shared, sometimes even beds. When friends come over, you become the villain for not wanting your younger siblings around. And on Christmas, somehow every present becomes one that you will share with your sibling.

There's of course, the cliche of sharing clothing, and my sister and I did that too. At a certain point, you forget what was borrowed, what was stolen, and what was hand-me-down. And at a certain point, it doesn't matter, especially not if you've already had a bad day and you're angry enough to make a big deal about a misplaced pair of shoes or a bleach-covered black T-shirt.

Needless to say, my little sister and I used to never get along. I think we get along better now. Things are different. She isn't prone to spilling cereal on the floor anymore. She can't steal my clothes now that I live somewhere else. My dad used to always tell us to quit yelling at each other every time we argued. It's too bad we didn't quit while he was still around.

My little sister texted me at midnight the other night, "i miss daddy."

I responded, "me too."

I still don't have a way to keep my little sister from crying.

Hello there!
I enjoyed your story, it was very sweet. I think the structure of the narrative was very clear, with the writing being grounded, it read like someone was telling me this story personally! The narrator introducing herself and what they wanted from a baby sister was a great way to establish the theme of expectations and then curveballing the readers with how newborns generally act (I also thought the little book detail was very cute). I felt grossed out when they spoke of how dirty their sister could be with how they played with her Barbie dolls.
What I took away from this piece is that, to have siblings is to learn how to share. Not only earthly possessions or toys and clothes but also feelings. Its the journey of accepting someone for who they are. Because in the end when you start to lose people you care about and you get older it doesn't really matter that your brother or sister annoyed the shit out of you.
One could say that the ending, revealing the passing of their father, to be out of left field and had zero build up. But I'd say its fitting, the narrator was reminiscing about her younger sister in context of what is currently happening, what once irritated you can bring comfort in uncertain times.
The bond between sisters still stands!
Well done!

Hello friend! YAY another one of your short stories! I always love reading along with your narratives so I thought I would stop by and leave a review for this masterpiece. Let's get right into the review!

But someone left the box on the ground, that someone probably being me, and my little sister got into the box, tore into the bag, and spilled its entire contents all over the oak floor. And I was, understandably, upset. Not only had she spilled the entire box of Fruity Pebbles, but she had spilled my entire box of Fruity Pebbles. Mami said she got them for me.

Needless to say, my little sister and I used to never get along. I think we get along better now. Things are different. She isn't prone to spilling cereal on the floor anymore. She can't steal my clothes now that I live somewhere else. My dad used to always tell us to quit yelling at each other every time we argued. It's too bad we didn't quit while he was still around.

My little sister texted me at midnight the other night, "i miss daddy."

I responded, "me too."

I still don't have a way to keep my little sister from crying.

as a little sister, im crying
so lovely <3