"Charlotte! Charlotte!" cried out Mrs. Richardson, who stood at the stairs.
"Yes, mother?" asked twenty-year old Charlotte, who stood at the top of the stairs.
"I want you to go to the strawberry field and pick the berries. They are all ripened and ready to harvest. Take a big basket and go."
"Yes, mother," was the reply.
Charlotte was a very ordinary girl. She lives in a big farmhouse with many acres of farmland. She lives many miles away from the town of Harton. She has two older brothers, John and Thomas, and one younger sister, Jane. They all work in the farm, doing whatever they had to do. Her mother was a woman renowned for her jam-making. Since her husband died when Charlotte was ten years old, making jam was how she supported her family. She did, though, make money out of selling them, as her preserves were considered the best to many people.
Charlotte never spoke to anyone, not even her own family, about how she feels about losing her father. It was truly heart-breaking. Mr. Richardson had been murdered by criminals while he was selling wood in Harton. When the family had found out about the tragedy, they wept, all except Charlotte. She was weeping on the inside, but never showed it. You could only see her somber and depressed visage. Even at his funeral, Charlotte did not shed one tear.
Now, Charlotte, when she went downstairs to get her basket, wore a long striped dress with a bonnet, as was the ordinary fashion of girls at that time. She had blond hair and possessed deep, brown eyes. She bore her mother's looks, and inherited the personality of her father. She was a very quiet girl, always reading books in the family's library. That was what her father was like. Her family could not afford to send her to the University of Harton, so she decided to stay and work in her farmhouse until she could finally go to the school. Girls at that time attend universities when they were twenty years old.
After Charlotte had taken her basket from the kitchen, which smelled of boiling blueberries, she went out the front door and into the morning sunshine and blue skies. Before her eyes lay vast fields. A dirt road was between the golden wheat fields and the strawberry fields. The latter looked as if a red blanket had covered the ground. Blood-red strawberries were on the bushes, just begging to be picked and made into Mrs. Richardson's preserves. It was not long before Charlotte knelt and began to pick the strawberries.
Hours passed. The sun was shining greatly upon Charlotte, but she did not mind one bit. She loved picking the berries. She enjoyed eating some of them. The basket she had was very large, and only one-quarter of it was filled.
It was in the late afternoon when Charlotte heard what sounded like the hooves of a horse riding through the road. Charlotte went to see who was there. A young man was mounted on the horse. He had coffee-brown hair and lake-blue eyes. He wore a black and white suit, as well as a gray hat.
When the man saw Charlotte, he tipped his hat. He smiled. "Good afternoon. Are your parents home?"
"Good afternoon," replied Charlotte, doing a curtsy. "My mother is home. Who are you?"
"I am Isaac, the taxman. I have come to receive the taxes. Might I ask what is your name?"
"I am Charlotte."
"Charlotte," said Isaac. "You bear a beautiful name. I need to go now to your mother. It was nice meeting you."
"It was nice meeting you, too, Mr. Isaac."
"Please, call me Isaac." With that, he rode off towards the farmhouse.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey, ArtStyx's here to review!
This is a nice and clean introduction to your short story. You have established your characters, the setting, and a little bit of plot.
However, I have to point out a couple of things.
1. You often slipped from past tense to present. I'm not sure about others, but I found it distracting.
2. How did Isaac know who Charlotte was? He said, "I need to go now to your mother." Have they met before?
3. In the beginning, you told us the story rather than showing it to us.
I understand it's a short story, but it'd be better if you had showed that to us. It makes a whole lot of difference and doesn't feel as if you info-dumped. To improve, you can have character interactions and this can engage your readers.
Overall, good effort.
Well done, and keep writing!
Hi! there fantasydragon01
This was a well-written introduction. The character building and establishment were clearly stated allowing us to know where she's coming from and where her future actions would arise.
These are the nitpicks that I saw and the following reconstructions are just my suggestions;
^the words she lives and many were redundant.
Hope this helps. Keep on writing.
>Cha
Thank you!