12+ Violence

Lost worlds chapter 1: Welcome home

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Isaac raced through the decayed forest before it was to late. The screams and shouts of the spirits call back after him. oh no, he's found me he thought , picking up speed moving his backpack to make sure its stays. A lash of bloody hands reached for his face and the loud moans of the doomed echoed behind. Isaac cursed underneath his hand but looked to the stairs just a few more steps, then the kingdom will know the truth. the protector is coming. he thought and quickly climbing the steps two at a time. His chest ached and his pulsating heart felt like it would implode. A smile crossed his face as he came to the pillars and alter he looked down, he didn't have much time. Slowly wiping a dread of sweat of his brow. He reached for his backpack quickly spilling everything on the altar a large hunting knife, a scroll, and a cold stone from the land of the lost. He took the knife and slowly slit his wrist watching blood flow in rivets; with that he spilled the blood over the stone watching it glow a cold blue then blaze as if it was a living fire. He dropped the knife picking the stone and whispering "Saeculo anathemate tenebris dominabitur fratres patrocinium quaerere!, Thy cursive darkness shall rule, Brothers search the worlds for thy champion!." and smiled as the stone exploded in a scene of sparks and flame as its flickering lights raced across the land. He smiled watching and turned to the monsters. The spirits reached him and surrounded the exits waiting for the moment to rip Isaac apart with glorious joy. there eyes burning red for the incepting death.

Issac looked " its to late they know the truth now" he growled as a man in black came in.

The man chuckled " oh issac your just delaying the inevitable, just tell me what you know who is the protector and you can live" he explained smiling.

Issac looked " I have no idea what your talking about." he stated.

The man growled and looked " the hard way it is old friend." he said unsheathing his sword. It was a small black curved blade the slide flashing a errie cool onyx in the moonlight. " I have many ways in getting information my friend, and maybe if I killed you in the first place you wouldn't be the one helping this world." he said.

Isaac looked his calming grey eyes looking at him, before shifting to a predatory pupiless black " do your worst" he taunted.

In a quick flash The man sliced down in an arch with his blade down Isaac's mid abdomen. Isaac held in a gasp as blood flowed in a black pool below. he looked up to him and smiled before his life left " your children will destroy you Dante." he uttered before collapsing in a pool of blood dead. The spirits leapt at him devouring his flesh.

The man growled before turning leaving the gory mess The protector will not come, because my son has never seen his real home. and disappeared into the darkness of the decayed forest. He needed to gather his armies upon the weak peasants, he needed to deprive them of all hope.

Trey jolted out of sleep, the same dream he had had for months happened he shook " no no no" he said pushing the covers off and pacing his room raking his hair with his sweaty palms " why am I the one? why do you taunt me little girl you know I cannot join you so why do you pester me? with your ridicules fathom that imagination is real. He walked to his chalk board where he wrote his numerous theories and took the white chalk writing gibberish of the dream A man in black wants to rule the kingdom, to let darkness run. As protector I must stop in with all cost or this world will fall and then to the next and the next. If I do not join the strange girl on this quest to stop him darkness wins if I do then I will be trapped there until another portal opens. I'm a monster. he thought. But shook it off heading down the steps yelling up to lizzie to get up and get ready for school. He quickly created a couple waffles and drenched them in syrup setting out a plate and sitting down. Soon a small pile of baggy pajamas and jet black hair came and sat at the table eating. Trey looked " mourning lizzie bear" he said sweetly.

She smiled " hi trey, you okay I heard you have that dream again." she said worried looking up her green eyes flecked with frozen ice crystals stared at trey.

Trey shrugged, she knew him to well. The truth is their parents died at a horrible plane crash when he was 12 and lizzie was 5 now that he was turning 17 soon and she was 10 it was just us in our home. " it doesn't matter, don't worry lizzie bear, now come on new school new day time to show this school your lizzie charm" he smiled ruffling her mangled hair.

Lizzie laughed and heading upstairs singing young forever as she headed to her room. In a matter of minitues she was ready and waving goodbye to trey.

Trey smiled and started doing chores until an errie silent hovered over the house except for his room, where a sweet melody danced across the house beckoning him to follow, like a siren luring ships to the jagged rocks below. He followed the sound of the music reaching his bedroom. His closet door was open and the music blared inside. He slowly started to walk over and checking every nook and cranny for a turned on radio or anything that would make that sound. Half of his body was inside the closet, and as he leaned deeper. he saw the back of the closet, or what it was before now stood In front of him was a dimly glowing blue ball growing and growing until it was as tall as him on his knees. In one swell swoop. The portal sucked trey in and quickly shutting. The house once again quiet.

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" erupted out of trey as he fell into the portal inside it was cool and wet like diving under water his hand swept the side splashing the water like substance around, it's touch surprising cold.

He landed with a heard thud, the wind knocked out of him as he slowly stood up catching his breath his hands clutching the soft baby grass below him cool and moist. He looked around at the dark twisted trees, tearing the ground around them to shreds their black tarred roots slinking around the forest.


Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
InspiredLight
Review

Hiya, first off I would like to say that you are very good at depicting scenes and describing what you want to say.
Secondly, I would like to know more background on all of the characters. It seems like you might have tried cramming things into one little part.
please continue this. let me know if you bring up a revised version :)

User avatar
Christina
Review

Hello,

Well done for writing this. It's good.

I think you need to check you have used capital letters in the right places. Names always have capital letters.

Also, I think you should make sure with speech that each line is separate and try using a comma instead of a full stop such as '"I have no idea what you're talking about,"' he stated.

'The truth is their parents died at a horrible plane crash when he was 12 and Lizzie was 5 now that he was turning 17 soon and she was 10 it was just us in our home.' - this is a little bit confusing. Maybe you could change it into something like 'The truth is their parents died in a horrible plane crash when he was 12 and Lizzie was 5. He was turning 17 soon and Lizzie was now 10. They lived alone.'

I think you need to check you have used enough punctuation and in the right places. Also, try reading it back and make sure it makes sense.

Keep writing!

User avatar
roostangarar
Review

I like the premise, it's interesting and surprisingly well thought out. Your grammar and spelling need some work though, I'm not sure if you were rushing through this or just didn't check it after, but you'll need to sort out the simple stuff first. There are a couple of writing tutorials you can check out if you're unsure on how to master the basics (to be honest, I have to check them myself sometimes xD).

Punctuation Marks
This one is punctuation.

Punctuation within Dialogue
This is punctuation within dialogue, which seems to be a major issue for this piece.

Using Grammar
And finally, this here is a general overview of grammar.

I hope these help and welcome to YWS, since I noticed this is your first post. I really enjoyed the plot so far and I'm looking forward to seeing the next parts!



Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening