Bloody Kisses, better then death. Bloody Kisses, almost like theft.
They steal the soul, and the mind, freeze the heart and your bind between the line of this realm.
Bloody Kisses stop the blood, make it cold, then let it run. Bloody Kisses give eternal life, take your chance and roll the die...Control your fate.
Bloody Kisses bring remorse, lay still like a corpse. Bloody Kisses, open wide and get ready for the under tide to hell.
Bloody Kisses never lie, and make you feel ever so high. Bloody Kisses take the pain, shake you up and watch it rain, the acid of a thousand broken souls.
Bloody Kisses, better then love, they string you up and hang you high above. Bloody Kisses steal your hate, making sure it escalates and your body runs cold.
Bloody Kisses break the tie upon human and beast...
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128,020 Literary Works • 671,488 Reviews
OOOOOOOO, I LOVE IT. I really like the layout of it and the use of bold and the reptition really works for me.
I really like this. The "control you fate" bit really stands out for me, and its my favourite line in the poem.
I love:
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I love the way you rhyme, but then add a little bit on the end. I love rhymes within lines.
I love it.
Can't think of any criticism
Hey there Evil Kookies!
I am June, and I am going to review this for you!
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It's completely okay that this doesn't all rhyme. In fact, it's posted in other poetry, so we expect that
• Like Alyss said, it may be better to structure it the way she has written it. However, it's perfectly fine to keep it the way you have it. Either way is fun to read, but! The bolded letters need to go.
Scarcely in writing will you see authors use bold letters in their writing unless they are spelling out an acronym and want to bring that to their audience's attention. So! Drop the boldies; they're just sitting there making our eyes strain for more
• Be careful about using an ellipsis in poetry! (...) is seldom -- if ever used in poetry because it sounds like your thoughts are dragging and as if you can't actually remember what you were about to say. If your punctuation is strong, it sounds confident. You want your audience to think you're confident!
• Question! What are these bloody kisses? Are they literal bloody kisses given by a bleeding mouth? Or are they a metaphorical name for something else? The way you are using it here is confusing me, but that's fine. It's poetry
• Nitpick!
That then in there should be spelled than; with an A.
• Also! Watch how much you use words like "and," and "but." Be careful not to overuse them!
-♠-
Overall, --strangely-- I really liked this. It had a rhythmic flow to it (although it did stumble in more places than one
Good job, dear!
June
Okay, you need to put these more into formation. They are everywhere, see they could look like this:
To me this way it looks eever so better, but that is up to you my dear. I find that some of the ryhme sounds forced in your poem. Poem do not have to rhyme. I also find that it is all over the place. My advice to you is to read it over let it set read it agian, and tame it. If you want it to rhyme set a pattern for it. If not, take some of them out. I couldn't find anytypos, but I have been known to overlook those. Most of all this poem just needs some editing. With some brushing up, it could have potential. So keep writing, and remeber that practice makes perfect.
~Alyss