Tundra

by erilea

Published August 25, 2017

In Short Stories

His voice was too pleasant, so smooth it made every hair on Ferryn’s back stand on end. She was acutely aware that her fur was mussed, her claws weren’t sharpened, her face was smudged with dirt. Worst of all, she knew that she was standing on four legs instead of two, and other animals were looking at her with disdain because of it. It took all of her strength not to claw their eyes out.

“Welcome to Survival Day. As you all know, this is the day you will be judged for your chances of survival based on your physical attributes. A list of qualities will be presented to you. If you contain one or more of these attributes, you are allowed to survive. However, if you do not have any of these traits, you will be eliminated. Rest assured that this is not unfairly decided.”

Ferryn suppressed a skeptical snort. Everyone knew that the judges were biased. Even so, that fact made her legs go weak with terror.

“To survive, you must require the following qualities: two legs, thick fur, medium claws…”

As the list went on, Ferryn felt her heart sinking deep into her stomach. Her breaths came short and fast, making her feel dizzy. She felt like she would tip over at any moment. But not right now, not with everybody staring at her. There were already gazes of pity burning into her back.

She knew she had to be strong, but even if this didn’t come as a surprise to her—Ferryn had known since she was born that she wouldn’t live past Survival Day—it still made her legs go weak with terror.

“…and a long tail. Congratulations to everyone who passed Survival Day. To those who didn’t…” Ferryn knew that Leonel was looking directly at her, and she glared at the ground. Why couldn’t she have been born with two legs?

“…have a pleasant afterlife.”

“Ferryn…”

“I know, Zebryn! Just let me get my fangs.”

She knew he was shifting in discomfort behind her as she dug through her hunting equipment. She couldn’t help it if she wasn’t born with sharp teeth. Almost everyone in Animent had them, even Zebryn, who was a prey. But Ferryn had never been a normal case, and everybody knew it.

“Okay, I got them. Ready for our daily race? I’ll give you a ten-second head start if you think it’ll help,” she teased.

“It’s still not fair! You know you and your four legs run faster.”

“What can I say? I’m talented.” With a conceited flick of her claws, Ferryn imitated the prissy look of Gazeltiel, the daughter of the animal with the most land in town. Her brother held back a laugh, but he had to turn away to hide his smile.

“Now, look, do you want that ten-second head start or not?”

“Ah, fine. But I’m warning you, one day I’ll run so fast you’ll eat my dust,” Zebryn retorted.

“That won’t be today,” laughed Ferryn. “Ready… set… go!”

Zebryn sprinted from their doorway, pumping his arms fiercely. After a generous ten seconds, she took off, chasing the black-and-white form of her brother. Seven seconds later she had left him in the dust with a triumphant laugh. By the time she skidded to a stop by the crowd of the other hunting students, her brother was far behind her, his lanky legs a burden to his speed.

“Come on, Zebryn! Class has almost started!” she yelled. Her classmates, well used to her wild encouragements by now, carried on with their conversations. Finally, Zebryn pulled up in front of her, panting heavily.

“Maybe… next time,” he said, chest heaving.

“Sure,” Ferryn snickered. “That’s what you always say.”

“Today we will be covering hunting food in the tundra region. Who can tell me some of the undeveloped animals that live there?”

Ferryn exchanged a glance with Zebryn. Teacher Bevae, and the other teachers, didn’t have to sugarcoat their words. It wasn’t a matter of “developing” that made them look so different from regular animals. The citizens of Animarace were all genetically modified, from Gazeltiel’s land-owning father to the next homeless animal begging for food. Their bizarre qualities were all an experiment to see who would survive the next few centuries—and who wouldn’t.

Gazeltiel raised her hoof, a smug look flashing across her face. “White hares and foxes,” she called out.

“Right. Although foxes can be quite vicious sometimes, their claws and teeth are no match for our superior qualities. Anyone else?”

“Snow leopards!” cried Hosley, a strange pred that Ferryn had never really talked to. “They’re almost as advanced as we are! They’ve got super thick fur to survive in the cold, and these huge padded feet to help them stand on the snow. And they can jump to about twenty paw-lengths with their long tails—”

“That’s enough, Hosley,” snapped Bevae.

“You wanna be a human, Hoss?” Gazeltiel sneered. “All those fancy words and divshamaries?”

“It’s dictionaries,” Hosley retorted, but she sat back down, looking embarrassed.

“Ahem. On with our lesson,” Teacher Bevae said. “We are not going to cover snow leopards today. As Hosley so eloquently explained, they have adapted suitably to their environment and are quite large, so it will take many years of practice to take down one of them.

“Some of you may know that the School has different environments in which you can practice your hunting skills.” Almost everyone nodded; it was the School’s most famous feature. “We are heading to the tundra today. We will experience the heavy blizzards that sometimes occur, simulations of various undeveloped predators, and of course… undeveloped prey. Let’s go.”

Ferryn fell into line behind the other students, dreading the session. Last time they had visited one of the environments, she had made herself the laughingstock of the entire School. Holding back a shiver, she hurried to catch up with her brother.

Pulling on the simulation glasses, Ferryn licked her front paw anxiously. Nerves fluttered in her chest and made her heartbeat skip. Would she see herself getting mauled to death this time? Would she get eaten by a giant snow leopard? She wasn’t ready to see herself die in the ultra-realistic simulation, and she definitely wouldn’t be able to stand the taunts of Gazeltiel.

She shook the gloomy thoughts out of her head and clenched her fists. She would pass this class even if she had to fight, fang and claw, for the grade.

Her sharp ears picked up a faint rustling behind her. Immediately, she knew it was Gazeltiel, coming to tease her again. She counted one, two, three…

“Prepared to fail again, Ryn?” Gazeltiel asked innocently. Right on cue.

“No, I’m just prepared to kick your short-tailed butt in this class,” she hissed.

“Ha! As if you ever could. Bevae’s gonna pass me, no matter what. As for you…” she looked Ferryn over with distaste. “Did you think you could ever be on my level, with your four legs? You obviously weren’t modified properly.”

Ferryn could feel the tips of her pointy ears shaking, and she had to dig her claws into her hands to calm down. “Anyone with your big mouth wasn’t modified properly, Tiel. I’m surprised you even made it this far.” Turning away, she pretended to adjust the simulation glasses. Judging by the silence behind her, Gazeltiel hadn’t come up with a sufficient comeback.

“Everyone got their glasses? Okay. Drapot, can you hit the simulation?” Bevae asked, speaking into a special microphone that linked him to the manager of the environments. “Yes, the tundra one. Good! Can you see snow around you?”

“Yes,” the students replied. Ferryn moved her hand out, seeing the imaginary snow land in her palm.

“Everyone find a space in the room that is not taken already. You will see your classmates as themselves on your screen; be sure not to bump into anyone or pounce on them by accident. Elfan, I’m looking at you.” The pred looked down at the floor in embarrassment. “Drapot, turn on the prey and distribute them over a 6-by-6 area. We need not make this too hard for the students; after all, the tundra is easy to camouflage in.

“Are you all ready? Alright, you may start hunting.”

Ferryn leaped forward, making sure her fake fangs were in place. Her claws shot out of her paws and dug into the snow, anchoring her to the ground. She swiveled her head wildly and looked for undeveloped prey. There! A white rabbit bouncing through the snow, its pink ears a dead giveaway. Ferryn snuck up on the animal, making sure that the wind was blowing so that her scent wouldn’t float away towards the prey.

She was only about ten yards away when Gazeltiel leaped into view. The stuck-up animal was bounding gaily around, not even caring whether her scent was carried toward the rabbit. Ferryn watched in dismay as a particularly ungainly twist sent her crashing into a drift, startling the prey away. She could barely keep herself from charging at Gazeltiel. Ferryn was sure she had done it on purpose.

Grinding her teeth, she turned away and scampered off. She would prove to Tiel that she was capable of passing Teacher Bevae’s class.

As she wandered around, her temper simmering, she saw the other students carrying or burying prey in the soft snow. She was practically the only one without a catch. Ferryn was so distracted by looking at the others’ prey that she almost didn’t hear the warning growl.

She whirled around. There, in front of her, a spotted animal stood majestically, its piercing green eyes staring right at Ferryn. She swallowed down a scream and thrust her paw forward, her long claws stabbing the air between them. Another hiss emitted from the animal, and it took a few steps closer, its huge paws padding forward almost soundlessly. A snake-like tail flicked behind it.

This must be a snow-leopard. Why had Drapot turned on the preds as well? Wasn’t he only supposed to turn on the prey? Had he flipped the switch by accident? Was it Gazeltiel’s doing?

Well, there wasn’t much to it. With a hiss, Ferryn attacked, swiping with one paw at the creature’s muzzle. It backed away with a yelp, and when Ferryn touched the ground she noted with satisfaction that four long gashes had appeared on its face.

The snow leopard leaped at Ferryn with a yowl, its huge front legs reaching for her. Before she could jump out of the way, it had pinned her down and its warm breath was blasting in her face. It had just reached down to clamp its teeth down on her throat when—

With a heave, Ferryn pushed her legs up and caught the undeveloped predator in the stomach. It grunted and rolled away, and Ferryn jumped back onto her four legs, heart pounding. There was no one to save her. No one to help kill the leopard…

And then a tan blur smashed into the predator and tumbled off with it, a cry of surprise rending the air. Ferryn scrambled forward, her eyes pinpointing the source of the commotion. A flash of sharp teeth, a wiggling tail in the midst of the fray, sharpened horns ramming into the snow leopard’s chest… it could only be Gazeltiel.

Ferryn was amazed. It was only a simulation; why had Tiel saved her when she had teased her about not passing the class before? Whatever the reason was, she was glad for it. With a delighted growl, she darted into the fight and clawed mercilessly, tearing at the predator’s spotted fur.

Finally, the snow leopard slumped down to the ground and stayed there, unmoving. Gazeltiel and Ferryn stood looking at each other.

“Why?” Ferryn asked, sheathing her claws nervously. Rivals didn’t help rivals for no reason. And Gazeltiel and Ferryn were definitely rivals.

Gazeltiel shook her head, clearing the powdery snow from her horns. “I would start saying all that cliché crap about changing and feeling bad for you, but I won’t. Being nice is overrated.” She sent a glare toward Ferryn’s direction, but Ferryn almost laughed. Like Gazeltiel knew anything about being nice.

“That’s completely fine, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Okay, okay. Well, a snow leopard looks good on your prey list. My father won’t accept anything less than superior, and no one’s ever gotten a snow leopard before.” Gazeltiel pranced from one hoof to the other, her eyes darting everywhere but on Ferryn. “Maybe I do feel a little bad for you, but hardly.”

“Yeah, okay…”

Gazeltiel snorted. “Don’t ‘okay’ me, Ryn. You still can’t possibly compete with me. I’m Gazeltiel, and you’re… you’re just Ferryn.”

“Maybe sometimes Ferryn is enough,” she responded, prodding the snow leopard with her long claws. Once she was satisfied that it was dead, she turned around and began kicking snow onto it with her paws. Wait until Teacher Bevae sees this, she thought happily. She would become a hero of her class. A snow leopard on her prey list was unthinkable, impossible, yet she had killed one.

Tiel began kicking snow onto the leopard as well, as if to say, It wasn’t just you, Ferryn. Don’t get a big head. With a heavy sigh, Ferryn relented. Maybe Gazeltiel had helped a little. Or a lot. But finally, Ferryn had accomplished something great—and with only four legs.

A smile stretched across her face as snow landed around her, turning her fur a dirty white.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
felistia
Review
felistia wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2017

Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

I'm not quite sure a the beginning. It was great to read, but it ended really abruptly. Was it a dream or in the past as it was written in italics? If it was in the past then how come Ferryn is still alive? Was the whole part about her being eliminated just a referral to that fact that she wouldn't survive the tests or that they would kill her. The first part just seems a little disjointed from the main story. I might be missing something.


Overall thoughts

Chapter plot: I'm not sure there's much of a story plot here. It's more about Gazeltiel's and Ferryn's relationship as it evolves. I think there's a lot of potential for this story, but right now it feel's a bit disjointed and a bit all over the place with not much of a plot. You might have meant it to be that way though and if so, just ignore me.


You could include more information on who modified the animal\humans and why specifically. You said it was to see who would survive, but what was the motive behind it. Did something happened?


Characters: The story is obviously about the characters and what they are going through as the main story is told through the eyes of Ferryn. It was told well, but it feels so sad and full of anger. The part about Zebryn and Ferryn was nice and lifted the spirit of the story a bit, but then we never see him again. Wasn't he in the same simulation as Ferryn? It would be nice to see how he feels about Ferryn. Maybe have a bit more interaction between them through out the story.

Gazeltiel is not a nice person and that's basically the only side of her we see through the whole story. It would be nice to see another side are have an explanation to why she's like she it. It would make her character better I think.

Description: I have to say that the strongest part of your story was your attention to detail like the fact that all the characters names are part of the animal they're modified from like Gazeltiel or Zebryn. It helps me envision what they look like right from the start.

Overall this was a nice story and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image

erilea replied · Aug 27, 2017

Thanks for the review! The first part was supposed to be about a dream Ferryn had about not surviving Survival Day. I hope that helped. :D

User avatar
MrBrainwasher
Review
MrBrainwasher wrote a review Review · Aug 25, 2017

Hey lupa22! How you doing?
You've written some amazing stuff up there. I'm astonished, you're just 11 years old. Very well done.
Things I Liked
You were very aptly descriptive.
You chose perfect set of vocabulary.
You were into the story. I don't know how to explain this one. Here I'm trying...
"And they can jump to about twenty paw-lengths with their long tails—”
Twenty paw-lengths, I loved it. Not many writers go in such details. What you did is use the animal dialect.
Things I don't like
I have similar problems with almost everyone, maybe I will stop asking. Your story revolves around Ferryn. A cat with with four legs who was deemed unqualified for the competition. Story moves forward, next thing we are in a class. You explain everything, I liked it. And then a halt. What was the point of these random events put together. Does it tell something I missed. If yes, let me know. If no, then was this supposed to be a description of this fancy world you created? If that is the case, why from the character's POV?
...
Overall, I liked it. You have me reading.
Write more! I'll be waiting.

erilea replied · Aug 25, 2017

Ferryn actually isn't a cat. She's a genetically modified human with cat-like qualities. The point of this was to tell a story about Ferryn and how Gazeltiel helped her, even though they're supposedly enemies. I'm not quite sure what you're asking, so I hope I answered your question.

Thanks for the review! :D

ok. If that's the point of story, I belive Gazeltiel wasn't given the same attention as Ferryn was.

erilea replied · Aug 26, 2017

That's because it's from Ferryn's point of view.

Yes. That's why you could have written this as a third person(yeah, there are many people who don't like to write in third person, e.g George r r martin).But that would have serve the purpose of your main point to the story in a better way. Because, we would be equally familiar with both your character's.
If you don't agree, that's totally fine. My job as a reviewer is to tell you what I feel. So that's my 2 cents, keep writing.



Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia