z

Young Writers Society



What Remains

by erilea


There are many things that humankind does not know.

Of course, they do not behave as such. People walk around believing they understand everything, but, clearly, that is a very wrong way of thinking.

That thinking has shaken the world’s very foundations, turned friends and family on one another in a desperate vying to stay alive. It has ripped across the Earth like a plague, far worse than anything man has ever encountered. It has made what lies here today.

Dust. Rubble. Echoes of screams in a near-silent land.

In the ruins of a once-magnificent building, at the very heart of what some might have called the greatest nation in the world, three screens flicker. Static flits across them like lightning. Fallen stone litters the ground around them, bleaching the dirt into a sickly grey, but miraculously, strangely, the screens are intact.

On them, figures dance.

One reads 11:59:00 PM, Dec. 31, Yemen. A child writhes amid the static. Ribs stretch through dirt-coated skin. His eyes are small and sunken. Every frantic move he makes appears to be a last beautiful explosion before his death, but somehow he continues to dance. Emaciated arms that are too small for his body reach toward the sky like a call to gods who don’t answer. Maybe in some twisted celebration, or in a desperate plea. A bloated stomach gives the illusion of a sated appetite, but hunger shines in his eyes. Not just for food--for vengeance, young as he is, a bitter hatred for the ones who had too much but gave none.

The next. 11:59:15 PM, Dec. 31, Central African Republic. The young woman’s dress hangs too loose on her figure, her limbs like twigs. A worn, soot-dusted respirator clings to her face. She never stops her frenetic dancing, but every so often she will hack a cough that shakes her thin frame. Red stains the dirt where she spits, and she dances over the crimson without pause. She’s young, barely a woman, but something about her hides it. Perhaps the wrinkles lining her body, or the way she stares into the camera with a gaze far too old. She knows how true suffering feels. Pain is of time immemorial, and although welcoming it takes decades to learn, some master it within the little time they have. There is no saving her now, no tonic or cure--not that she would have received one, anyway.

11:59:30 PM, Dec. 31, Iraq. It is difficult to say which army the torn, blood-spattered uniform belongs to. Under the mask that veils much of the figure’s faces, nothing is given away. Nothing but the figure's manic movements accompanying the same haunting rhythm as the rest. Although the cameras have no sound, one can almost hear the lilting music that crackles out from the screen. No one can tell whether the figure can hear the music. The battered boots they wear sweep up dust clouds that wreath around them as they dance, making them appear wraith-like. With the memories that linger at each battlefield, of home and faces soldiers will never see again, this figure may very well be a ghost of what once was. Nameless, as soldiers are preferred to be. It is easier to drag a nobody off a battlefield.

It is 11:59:45 PM, December 31st. There is one more being that remains, one that stands just beyond the screens.

Their face flashes between young and old, from glass-smooth to carved with deep wrinkles. Their hair, eyes, height, limbs--every physical feature phases from one variation into the next, never pausing, a beautiful, horrifying spectrum. And with each transition, every version of the humans who once ruled this world, they dance. For the food this once-great nation refused to send, for the medicine it refused to deliver, for the bombs and missiles it refused to restrain. Every single one of the people lost flares briefly in this final, grim display.

The four figures all dance in sync. Their movements are wild, but they move together in a frenzied routine that should have been impossible. It has been years, decades since such abysmal chasms have torn throughout the Earth, but they are together again. United under destruction. Connected through blood and hatred and broken promises.

When the clocks on the screen tick to midnight, when the year becomes 3000, the figures stop. They bow.

Their skin begins to peel from their skeletal frames, revealing cracked bones underneath. Even those start thinning into an ivory dust that floats away like dandelion seeds on a gentle wind. Nothing is left except stone and ashes that drift into the same smoke-screened sky. It is what great nations have risen and fallen for, what citizens have fought for, only achieved at the world’s end. An ironic finale. Equality between all.

One by one, the screens gutter into darkness.


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34 Reviews


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Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:03 am
Swetachowdhury0 says...



hii,erila, thats was awesome.. it touched me. amazing .....




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103 Reviews


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Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:55 am
Samhain wrote a review...



Dang that was a good read! This story has a haunting effect, and is so vivid in detail that it pulls you into each scene that takes place in 15 second intervals. I am amazed at how well-written this is, and I really like it!
The way you subtly introduced that it was becoming the year 3000 at the end of your story, that was brilliant. I think it was absolutely brilliant the way you timed everything, placed all the details, revealed information. This kind of story doesn't need dialogue, for it is the kind of story that captures a pinnacle moment in time, one that, through its definition, reveals so many controversial ideas, such as how the world is today versus what the world might become a millenium from today.
You hooked me in with the opening line - and that is one of the most important things of a story which gets people reading. You beautifully executed the building of the story from start to middle to the end, and it was to me like a piece of music, where different layers build upon each other into a fantastic climax, then drift away into silence.
Excellent job, and keep writing more awesome stuff!




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Mon Dec 03, 2018 2:25 am
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interstella wrote a review...



Holy crap. This story is incredible. Your descriptions are so beautiful and poetic, and make me see pictures in my head. From the very first sentence, I was drawn into your prose.

Each of your paragraphs describing the horsemen are morbidly wonderful, and like a punch to the gut. I adore how you gave such old characters a modern twist, so one might venture that they could be living among us, right now.

I love the ties between them- the fact that you're able to identify famine, pestilence, war, and death, and the times linking them all that just add a sense of urgency to the story, like a roller coaster about to go down a hill (or a ball about to drop, considering it is New Year's Eve). Also, the dancing- I could picture each character perfectly, and I like how that wraps up four seemingly unrelated figures.

Also, the last lines of those paragraphs, "...a bitter hatred for the ones who had too much but gave none," "there is no saving her now, no tonic or cure..." "It is easier to drag a nobody off a battlefield." Not only do they give the characters their own unique identity, but each one is a powerful message about what's wrong with our world.

I would go on, but I don't want to write an entire essay in the comments section. Fantastic job, keep writing more stories :)

-Stella




erilea says...


Thank you so much! :D



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47 Reviews


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Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:23 pm
SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...



Hey, erilea. I like this story and how you managed to bring out the character of each of the four horsemen in the four dancing people. It was really interesting how you set everything up: how the world was at its end and three screens were intact, and then at the end when everything begins to fade and turn to dust and the screens are still there, and then they go dark. I do want to comment that I'm not sure the word "gutter" means what you think it does. You might want to use a different word.
The only other things I'm going to question are description of the dancing and the time.
First of all, when you describe the dancers, you tend to use the same initial description, only ever changing one or two words. I get that they're all doing the same dance, but you say that anyway. I would suggest that you just leave out the initial description of their "movements."
And about the time: there's a girl in Africa, a boy in Yemen, and a soldier in Iraq, all dancing. You say that at midnight they all stop dancing about to each other. It seems like all of their dancing and bowing is meant to be simultaneous, but if it's all happening at midnight it wouldn't be simultaneous. Where is it midnight? It can't be midnight in Africa and Yemen at the same time; they are in two different time zones. I can understand it's necessary for the effect you wanted, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
On the whole, great job! (by the way, sorry if I sound like a peer reviewer. I've been doing a lot of work for college English classes lately)




erilea says...


According to Google, guttered means "flickered", which is what I was going for. ;)
Thanks for the suggestions!





oh, okay. It just seems like a strange word to use. No problem.



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Thu Nov 29, 2018 5:57 pm
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FireSpyGirl says...



Hi there!
This is a really good story!
I love the detail, the feeling. It isn't over-detailed, but it isn't under-detailed either. That is awesome! The ending is really good as well! I don't have any suggestions to make, sorry about that! Looking forward to more work from you!





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