Her Dear Escapism

Her Dear Escapism

The moon whispers in the dead of night, of fairy tales and folklore and legends of old. Fairies waltz in the haze of twilight, when autumn is at its peak. The river rushes north, its waters green and unforgiving, dotted with miniature lily pads. Dandelions fill the fields, a hundred hundred tiny specks of yellow all splattered with frosted dew. The dragons graze in the fields, getting flowers stuck between their teeth like poppy seeds.

She might as well be dreaming, Karlie thought as she yawned and snuggled further under her warm blankets.

Saturday mornings were her favorite. She could sleep in and whenever she arose and went downstairs, her mom would have pancakes cooking on her stove. She loved curling on the couch with a cup of chai, watching Castle with her step-dad. Karlie loved it when her sister called from wherever she was stationed in the marines and chatted with Karlie for a good portion of the morning. Above all else, she loved getting together with her friends to continue their Dungeons and Dragons adventure every Saturday afternoon. It was the part of the week that she looked forward to the most.

Karlie tossed the comforter towards the wall and swung her legs out of the bed. Dawn was at its peak, with the sun just tickling the edge of the horizon. Her room was cold, and a shudder passed through her when her feet touched the hard wood floor. The warmth escaped her lips with every puff of fog that her breath made. Standing, she shivered as she stretched. Her mouth fell open wide as a yawn rolled over her tongue.

She never knew how to feel about Wednesdays. They were of a particular vex to her. They felt neither close to, nor far from, the end of the week. Karlie pulled on her jeans and a light blue tee-shirt, over which she drew her favorite gray hoodie. Tiptoeing into the hallway, she tried to be as quiet as she could while she did her bathroom things. After her teeth were brushed, she pulled her copper hair into a bun and headed downstairs with a pair of socks in her hands.

Karlie packed her lunch and tossed it inside her purple shoulder backpack. With almost twenty minutes before the bus would come, she grabbed her book from her bag and curled up with it on the couch. Karlie pulled a blanket over her legs and read the title for the thousandth time; The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, second book in the trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Karlie switched on the light beside her. When the room lit up, it was no longer a living room but the caverns under Helms Deep. She sat huddled with the hundreds of women and children that hid from the battle taking place on the ground far above them. The air reverberated with hopelessness and fear. With every violent tremor that echoed through the cavern, a hush fell over the crowd of women. Each of them bit their nails and pulled their hair, wondering whether their husband or brother or son had been killed yet. The air was pregnant with anticipation. Karlie could feel it in her blood. Sandy haired children held on tightly to their breathless mothers. Old women had tears shining in their eyes, because their sons and grandsons and husbands had all been taken from them. Young pregnant ladies hoped that their children would still have a father by the end of the battle. Karlie placed her hand on a girl that sat beside her, sobbing the word brother over and over again.

The steady beating drums began to sound like a grandfather clock, and with each ring, the cavern melted away. A haze surrounded her, and soon shapes like the lamp and the piano came into focus. The clock stood in the corner, belting out that Karlie was late for her bus. She bolted up from the couch and grabbed her bag, sliding the book into it as she rushed out the door.

State testing was happening for the younger grades, so her classroom for history had changed. Checking the room number on the little slip of pink paper, she headed to the first floor of the high school. Karlie walked into the room just before the bell rang and headed to a vacant seat near the back window. After she was settled, Karlie leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. Ms. Howard stood at the front of the classroom, chocolate-skinned and plump, with a head full of beautiful black curls. Karlie hated lectures, especially the ones Ms. Howard gave. The teacher spoke in a dull, monotone voice. Sometimes, when Ms. Howard really felt her passion for history, her eyes would get wide and she would start waving her hands around like a crazy woman.

Ms. Howard started talking about the Native Americans of the Midwest plains. Before she finished, she had transformed into one of them. The classroom was gone, replaced by fields of grass stretching as far as the eye could see. Karlie found herself on a wild black stallion, galloping towards Ms. Howard. The teacher wore a scraggly tan dress that had red and black buffalo painted onto it. Her hair was long and straight, and she was poised for battle with a great white club in her hand. A fat blue necklace made of shells hung around her neck and her feet were bare and dirty.

Around them whooped and hollered a crowd of Native Americans. Karlie knew the faces in the crowd were those of her fellow classmates, and though they seemed excited, their faces were blank, their eyes hollow. Karlie pulled on the reigns, trying to slow her fast gallop towards Ms. Howard. She did not wish to trample her teacher. Instead, she turned the horse towards the left, wishing she could disappear into the vast plains that lay sprawled all around them. A blood-curdling scream broke her from her daydream as Ms. Howard ran at the horse and slashed at its knee with her club. The horse whinnied in agony and fell forwards to the ground. Karlie rolled off of the horse onto the soft grass. Before she could become flat-footed, Ms. Howard swung the club at her head.

Karlie jerked as her world went gray and shimmery. Like paint dripping down a black canvas, the classroom slowly reappeared before her. It took her a moment to realize that everyone was turned and staring at her.

“Are you okay?” Ms. Howard asked, a look of shock clouding her cheekbones.

Karlie found her voice after a moment. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Ms. Howard hesitated a moment longer before carrying on with her lecture. Karlie blushed when she heard snickering around the room as everyone tried to turn their attention back on the teacher. Karlie rubbed her temples, humbled by the humiliating experience. She wondered what she had done to make them all look so shocked. Maybe she had screamed, Karlie thought as the bell rang and she headed to her eighth class.

The hallways were crowded with people. Karlie hated feeling claustrophobic, and passing time was the prime time she felt it. Every time someone swiped across her arm, or when a book bag would brush her leg, Karlie’s heart would race. She wouldn’t be able to breath. There came that moment, and as she fumbled with her backpack to find her asthma inhaler, she knocked into somebody and her bag went flying, skittering across the hall. It looked to her as if the bag had come alive and had grown wings. She imagined it lifting itself from the floor with its new turquoise feathers. She watched as it zipped across the ceiling and came to rest in her hand.

It was lighter than Karlie would have expected. She looked down and saw instead a second hand that was placing her inhaler into her palm. Her head snapped up to see a nerdy looking boy smiling down at her. He wore large rectangular glasses and his cheeks were covered in freckles. He was handsome, but his looks were marred by the hideous Hawaiian floral patterned shirt that he wore. Karlie couldn’t help but grin at him, which is when she remembered that she was taking shallow, painful breaths. She took a puff from the inhaler and her breath came easier.

“You okay?” he asked her, his voice light and untouched by manhood.

Karlie nodded. “Thanks.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment. She wondered whether she should ask his name, or if he might ask hers. When neither of them spoke, the second bell broke the silence for them. The boy pulled his hand away and walked off down the now-empty hall. Karlie watched him go, disappointed in herself for not being brave enough to ask his name. She retrieved her bag and made her way to her eighth period class, feeling shaken from the miserable encounter.

Karlie wished she had the guts to talk to guys. There was always the underlying fear that they wouldn’t accept her because of the way she looked. She thought about her double chin and about the rolling lump that sprouted from her midsection. She grimaced when she imagined herself in a mirror. That flat copper hair and dull brown eyes that only sparkled when she was lost somewhere in her daydreams. Her frown deepened when she thought of the freckles that covered her ghastly pale skin. Karlie hated her body.

She walked into the room a few minutes late and when her study hall teacher didn’t punish her, she headed towards the cluster of four desks, where her friends waited for her. She sat at her desk and tossed her bag to the floor after removing her deck of cards.

“What color did you bring today, Karlie?” A red haired girl named Therese asked.

Karlie began to shuffle her Magic: The Gathering cards. “I brought white this time. Sorry for being late, guys.”

“No problem,” Garrett said as he drew his seven card starter hand. Karlie followed his lead and dealt herself seven cards. “You just have to give up two life,” he added casually, with a wicked grin.

Karlie laughed mockingly and punched him playfully on the shoulder.

“Not fair!” she complained.

“I second you losing life!” Chris decreed from his corner as he took his first turn. He put a mana on the battlefield and passed the play to Therese. Karlie threw him a look that made him cower backwards in feigned horror.

“Shut up, Chris,” Karlie spat jokingly, grinning at him.

Nearing the end of the game, Karlie realized that she could win if she got a little more life, and played her Pathrazer of Ulamog card. She pulled a card from her deck and slapped it down onto the desk. The card gave her life equal to the number of creatures on the battlefield. There were eleven creatures.

Karlie found herself enveloped in a twister of color. The classroom became hidden behind a great wall that pulsated with life and magic. Electric sparks and shimmering flowers spun away from the wall and fell around Karlie. She stared with awestruck wonder at the replica of the northern lights. She felt her body being lifted from the chair and soon she was hanging in the air, encased by the wall of magic. It vibrated with power. A humming noise beat in Karlie’s ears as the magic fell over her once, twice, eleven times. Her life source grew until she was the strongest player on the field. The magic wall dissipated and left her standing amidst a massive battlefield that was strewn with the bodies of beasts and monsters. She could see the monsters she had played and her eyes brimmed with tears at the sight of their lifeless bodies piled in the graveyard. The graveyard stood high above her into the sky. It passed through the clouds and into infinity. The stink that emanated from the dead monsters made her want to puke. Karlie sidestepped as a massive card floated down from the sky and crashed upon the battlefield, throwing her back a few feet.

From the card rose a monster with pink, fleshy tentacles and hundreds of dark green eyes that covered its head. Strands of wiry gray hair poked out from random between a few gray scales. The creature towered into hideous elegance, a skyscraper to Karlie. It stepped over her and headed towards the terrified monsters at the far end of the battlefield. Karlie watched as her Pathrazer of Ulamog crushed its foes beneath its feet. She watched as it swung at them with its mighty tentacles, swiping them across the field until they lay dead at the base of the graveyard.

“I win!” Karlie yelped, throwing her cards down onto her desk and watching in elation as the battlefield became wax and melted away to reveal the study hall room. She smiled widely as she saw each of her opponent’s shocked and disappointed faces.

“Sorry guys! Ante up,” Karlie said happily as she collected a card from each of her competitors. She felt proud of herself, and yet she felt guiltier and guiltier the longer she saw their faces. Even after the shock and disappointment was gone, Karlie thought it was there, just hidden. She convinced herself that even though she had won fair and square, that somehow, she had done something to make them angry at her. Her pride soon developed into shame.

“I’m really, really sorry, guys. Good game?” Karlie asked, hoping that they would accept her apology and forgive her. Therese Garrett and Chris all smiled and nodded.

“Of course it was a good game. You beat all our asses,” Garrett said, making Karlie feel only a slight bit better.

She was sure that they were disappointed in her. It was irrational, she knew, but she could still feel it, whether it was imagined or not. Even as she made it through the rest of the day, she felt bad about winning. Karlie shook her head to try and rid herself of those poisonous thoughts. On the bus ride home, Karlie was unusually quiet. She stared out the window, not sure if she felt content or somber. The noises on the bus slowly drifted away, until her ears had created a mute world for her. Blindness followed soon after, and the dirty city bus was replaced by the sky. Clouds surrounded her and a long, thin dragon was notched between her legs. Its bright silver scales itched at her thighs and her palms. Long horns protruded from its head and ran down its neck, to where Karlie held onto them. No saddle secured her in place. The dragon tilted downwards and Karlie’s stomach flopped.

The late afternoon sky was veiled dark blue, with twilight on its way. The clouds were dashed with crimson spatters that were cast out from the setting sun. Far below her, Karlie could see the Earth, a wasteland of green and blue. Karlie lie upon the dragons back and found that she didn’t mind the roughness of the scales. She didn’t mind the wind hard on her face or the cold sharp currents. She had been here, in this moment, a thousand times before and for the thousandth time over she wished she could escape the world on this dragons back. She wished the creature would keep flying, and not stop until a lone dove showed him the olive branch of a world not called Earth.