Even if you walk down the hallway,
and I walk by you,
I will ignore you,
like you are invisible.
and I can't see you.
Even if I walk down with my friend laughing,
and I see you glancing at me,
I will ignore you,
pretending it's just me and my friend.
and I can't see you.
Even if our eyes meet,
three times today,
I will ignore you,
and quietly walk away.
like I can't see you.
Even if you say "Hello,"
and sit across from me,
I will ignore you.
because you have broke my heart,
I can never again see you.
If you would like to know the story of me and this boy, and why I wrote this, PM me
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140,101 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
This is pretty good but it could use a little more imagery in it. I did enjoy the last 3 lines though.
Keep up with the writing!!
Hello, I am here to review <3
When I read this poem, I understood the words, and what they were saying, but I couldn't relate to it because I wasn't allowed to pull an image out of it. I would like this poem better if you gave the reader some context first, and then went into how you're ignoring the male. The reason I say this is because people will ignore strangers in the hall, and ignore them like this. It's not something that is strictly for a love-lost relationship.
That being said, I would also like if you painted the pictures of the emotions you were feeling when his eyes caught yours or when you were in the hall with him and your friends. This poem doesn't have much in the way of relating the nervousness of a heart in pain, or holding back a venomous fight.
I would love to see your work progress towards really getting into expressing emotions and images. Try, perhaps, making a story in your head, lay out the plot, and get into the character's head to really to go town with a single scene. Perhaps it is two parents arguing furiously about something in front of their child? Maybe it's a girl finally giving over to a suitor, I don't know. Just I would like you to write it from someone else's perspective so that you can give it emotion without feeling exposed. Really explore their emotions and their head. Leave it raw.
This was really, good and i can relate. But one thing that people have told me was to work on building an image and tell how it felt to ignore him. Because then we would be able to relate more to your emotions, and im no expert just trying to help. This was good <3 Im excited to read more