Forever Inscribed

by elephantwalrus

Published October 7, 2007

In Before I was 16: Poetry

It's a "what am I" poem. kinda.

I pridefully display my purpose,
And cannot be shelved away;
My heart is rooted in the stone,
And that’s what makes me immortal.

People swoon at my complexity,
And have for centuries of time;
Even when they needed not understand,
They knew that I was immortal.

My creators came and passed away,
Leaving me as proof of their lives;
I represent them well, I must add,
For after all, they made me immortal.

The Nile, Egypt’s uniting spirit,
Even she cannot wear me down;
She can never reach me where I stand,
And so I live, and I am immortal.

I mark the gates of the world
To which all go, but none return;
I tell the stories of leaders past,
And so I must be immortal.

Yet seeing my ancient life-song
Expressing Golden times,
I know I am surely fading away;
If only I was truly
Immortal.



What am I? My smartest friend got it right, but no one else has yet. Also: critiques are (as always) very much appreciated, for I'd like to make this better.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Rigel
Review
Rigel wrote a review Review · Oct 8, 2007

My first thought was an Ankh, but that didn't seem as epic as you intended. It has a very nice non-rhyming flow. I enjoyed reading it. It was fun.

My creators came and passed away,
Leaving me as proof of their lives;
I represent them well, I must add,
For after all, they made me immortal.

Is my favorite part.
I have nothing specific to say, but I think if you read it over and just thought about it more, you could make it better. I trust you!

User avatar
elephantwalrus
Comment
elephantwalrus commented Comment · Oct 8, 2007

Yea, my original thought was hieroglyphs, but pyramid makes sense, too. :D

Did it flow ok? I was distracted when I wrote it, and I'm not sure how it holds as a poem :)

User avatar
Rigel
Comment
Rigel commented Comment · Oct 8, 2007

Ooh! I love riddles!
Are you...
A pyramid?

(Hard to know what I think if I don't know what it's about, but I'm pretty sure I loved it)



"Storybooks and roleplays are just for fun!" To which I say: of course! But why only "just"? Sometimes fun is found in the full-send. Sometimes fun is found in taking it seriously, and aiming to do it with excellence!
— soundofmind