Forever Inscribed

by elephantwalrus

Published October 7, 2007

In Before I was 16: Poetry

It's a "what am I" poem. kinda.

I pridefully display my purpose,
And cannot be shelved away;
My heart is rooted in the stone,
And that’s what makes me immortal.

People swoon at my complexity,
And have for centuries of time;
Even when they needed not understand,
They knew that I was immortal.

My creators came and passed away,
Leaving me as proof of their lives;
I represent them well, I must add,
For after all, they made me immortal.

The Nile, Egypt’s uniting spirit,
Even she cannot wear me down;
She can never reach me where I stand,
And so I live, and I am immortal.

I mark the gates of the world
To which all go, but none return;
I tell the stories of leaders past,
And so I must be immortal.

Yet seeing my ancient life-song
Expressing Golden times,
I know I am surely fading away;
If only I was truly
Immortal.



What am I? My smartest friend got it right, but no one else has yet. Also: critiques are (as always) very much appreciated, for I'd like to make this better.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Rigel
Review
Rigel wrote a review Review · Oct 8, 2007

My first thought was an Ankh, but that didn't seem as epic as you intended. It has a very nice non-rhyming flow. I enjoyed reading it. It was fun.

My creators came and passed away,
Leaving me as proof of their lives;
I represent them well, I must add,
For after all, they made me immortal.

Is my favorite part.
I have nothing specific to say, but I think if you read it over and just thought about it more, you could make it better. I trust you!

User avatar
elephantwalrus
Comment
elephantwalrus commented Comment · Oct 8, 2007

Yea, my original thought was hieroglyphs, but pyramid makes sense, too. :D

Did it flow ok? I was distracted when I wrote it, and I'm not sure how it holds as a poem :)

User avatar
Rigel
Comment
Rigel commented Comment · Oct 8, 2007

Ooh! I love riddles!
Are you...
A pyramid?

(Hard to know what I think if I don't know what it's about, but I'm pretty sure I loved it)



You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss