she swallowed the earth three times;
once, when she was young,
because she liked the way it tingled in her belly.
her smile became its mountains,
her giggles, its wind.
her walk became its dance, and twirl (and twirl) she did.
again,
when she was older,
because she'd lost it one day,
and she had missed the way it tingled her belly.
her watery eyes became rain,
her groaning, its storms.
her stumble became its earthquakes, and stumble she did.
for the third time,
when she had grown up,
because she'd put it away.
she wondered if it'd tingle her belly, this time.
her pen became its holy book,
her thoughts, its religion.
her trek became every footfall of its journey.
she swallowed the earth three times,
and built it three times,
but mostly, the earth built her.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Wow I have nothing but praise for this, but I'm speechless so.
When you look up "phenomenal," in the dictionary, the definition is this poem.
I loved this, plain and simple. And I'd write that in all caps because that's how I normally express my excitement, but I think writing it in all caps diminishes its significance rather than enhancing it. Kind of like love in Donne's A Valediction Forbidding Mourning.
So basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I loved this more than caps can say.
Ten stars of ten, my dear. Ten of ten. Stupendously phenomenal.
Hello, Isha! Laure here as requested! Wow, this is a really unique poem about nature, I just love nature so much and I love the way you've described the earth and how it relates back to our MC.
I really loved this last line, it wrapped the poem up so beautifully and yet it offers a completely different perspective to the one we had been receiving all long the poem.I also love the simple sweetness of this poem, is short but is very sweet and I love the simple imagery portrayed here, great job, Isha!
So, I've got a few suggestions though. At first, I thought the poem was a bit choppy in some places but after reading it several times. It didn't appear as much, however I thought that in the last stanzas.
I can't quite put my finger on it but these two sentences clashes together somewhat oddly, to me, this time would make the sentence flow smoother if put at the start instead. But this is more like a hunch then anything else because I really can't think of anything else to nitpick.
Overall impression: I love this poem about the earth and the girl, absolutely beautiful!
-Laure
Wow this was wonderful ^_^ not a particularly upbeat or depressing poem but still so wonderful it made me a little happier. In my min I picture a giant wandering the cosmos just consuming the Earth. But when I think about it, I believe there is an underlying message here that could be taken many different ways. Perhaps you are alluding to how people can change the world no matter who they are or the fact that the world was built by people but really the world shaped the people in the process. Really it could be many things. I am normally really on people for grammar, punctuation, rhythm, and flow but....honestly though I know it isn't strictly written in a perfect fashion, it is truly beautiful and not at all choppy. I feel like the unique way you chose to divide it and phrase it really added to the memory and effect of your writing which made it all the more an enjoyable read!
Thanks, Kat
Wow absolutely beautifully written!!