never, i pray

Hello, Buzz here to review!

I loved the concept and peaceful, loving atmosphere in your poem. It was an interesting perspective of your average romantic poem, so well done on that! I also felt the lowercase as oppose to capitalization worked nicely in relation to your poem.

However, there is always room for improvement, so there are some aspects of your poem I'd like to address that may help improve your poem even further.

yesterday

"if all of the planets and all of the suns and galaxies grew arms
and stretched them out to surround the universe,
all to show how great their love is for you
i would still love you more."

I liked how this was the beginning and final stanza. Although, I felt like the first lined dragged a lot for an opening. It has unnecessary words that ruin the flow of the whole stanza it makes it seem like a long list. Perhaps cutting out some, "and"'s and "all"'s.

"we were stitched together by Music that burst from his mouth,
and the arts of Wonder and Life,
and were were placed just where and as we are
to glide through this life and find him again."

I liked this stanza most, though you have a slight typo, "were" is repeated. The first line is a little long again and has unequal syllables. "And" is used four times, perhaps some variety of word choice is needed to help you poem flow a bit more rather than line breaks.


Overall a nice piece, certainly have more confidence in you work, hope I was of help to you.

-Buzz

Thisn is a very nice work, in structure and in verse.
- I was rather shocked with the poetic device of using no capitals, and it almost put me of reviewing it. Upon reading the poem I discovered there was a very good reason for missing capitals, and that was to give more emphasis on certain words, however I still feel it would be nice if you mentioned the on perposefullness of it.
-The best line was "we were stitched together by Music that burst from his mouth," because I like the music imagery, which you have capitalized.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Isha,
I am surprised that you doubted your work. It was captivating and romantic, exactly how it should be. Please keep writing poetry so I can continue to read your wonderful work! Aside from those few errors that were previously mentioned, I was incapable of finding any faults.

hello there, Isha

contrary to what you thought this is actually very very good!

one thing just a basic to start off, make sure you capitalize!!! every "I" should be capitalized and at the begging of every like regardless of if it is the middle of a sentence. Especially the bold lettering at the beginning of each line in this particular poem.

I loved how you used space to explain how great your love is for the other person. It really creates a ton of emphasis since space is HUGE.

I also like how you talked about how that love is through God and how everything reminded you of that.

my favorite part was

"we were stitched together by the Music that burst from his mouth

and the arts of wonder and life

and were placed just where and as we are

to glide through this life and find him again."

although, there was a typo in that third line, did you mean "we were" or just "were"?

well, i guess that's all, thanks for the awesome poetry, keep writing.

--Cam