Shadow's Rising {Wing 3} Chapter 7

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this went in a direction I was not anticipating in the slightest but it most definitely does complicate matters quite a bit there. Looks like we're going to have to watch Jarid's back a little from now on.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

“Commander! Thank goodness, I found you!” Brom shouted in relief as he burst into the dinning room. Academy Commander Damion Valdur nearly jumped right out of his seat, spitting his morning coffee halfway across his desk.

“By the White Dragon’s horns! What in the King’s name is the matter?!”

Then he recognised who had called. “Brom? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting the dragons ready for the choosing ceremony?”

Brom nodded. “That is exactly what I’ve come about. You must come and see this at once!”

Commander Valdur rose and followed Brom as he almost sprinted from the commander's office. Brom didn’t slow down until they reached the dragon’s stables. All of the dragon stalls were clean, with fresh straw and full feeding troughs, but even that wasn’t the amazing thing Brom wanted to show him.

Well looks like something big is going down, I'm very intriguing what Brom the Dumb is doing here especially, that's creating a very intriguing situation in the midst of all this.

In one of the stalls carved into the cave near the end of the dragon stables they found a young man laying on a dragon. He was sleeping peacefully against the dragon’s side with a small smile on his face. The dragon had a wing over him, and its tail curled protectively around his legs. But what really caused Commander Valdur’s mouth to drop were the grey spots covering its body.

“By the great kings of old!” He exclaimed. “Is he dead?”

Brom put a finger to his mouth and whispered. “No, sir. He is merely sleeping.”

“Is that not the dragon that even you have been unable to tame for years? The very one that attacks anyone who comes near, even during the choosing ceremony?”

Well looks like they're just impressed at this point or probably terrified because somehow they can't interpret the fact that this is very clearly the two of them lying curled up peacefully and there's been no foul play at all here.

“Yes. Why do you think I came to get you?”

“Who would be so foolish as to sleep on that monster of all dragons?” Commander Valdur wondered.

“I believe his name is Jarid. He seems to think dragons can be tamed with nothing but words.” Commander Valdur looked again at the boy’s face. He was the one from the fight yesterday. The one who had asked if the dragon could be spared.

“Well, how do you plan on rescuing the boy without waking the beast?”

Well I suppose there's some merit to them caring about Jarid. They clearly at least care a little bit about the students even though I'm still not letting them off the hook from that threat of punishment Brom the Dumb made.

Brom shrugged. “The only way I can think of is if one of us goes in there while the other waits to slam the door as soon as both are out. The cells are made of anti magic metal to keep the dragons from breathing fire but that means our own magic won’t work inside there either. And neither of us is thin enough to fit through the bars.”

“Perhaps we should try waking him from outside the cell. Then we can pull him to safety.”

Brom nodded. “It’s worth a try.”

Then he whispered a little louder to Jarid. “Jarid. Wake up boy, you’re in danger.”

Hmm well this is a good call I think not attacking poor Smolder, because it looks like Jarid is going to be able to actually somewhat diffuse this situation and maybe even with that little bet they have going on.

Jarid groaned, rolled over, and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry sir. I didn’t hear the horn,” he mumbled. Then he came to his senses.

“Oh, commander! I didn’t realise it was you!” Jarid exclaimed in a panic as he realised where he was.

“That doesn’t matter right now,” Commander Valdur whispered. “You have to get out of there right now before that monster wakes up.”

Jarid looked at him confused. “You mean this guy?” He said rubbing Smolder’s scales. Smolder groaned and removed his wing and tail. “He’s one of the best dragons here. He even seems to understand when I growl at him.”

Well looks like Jarid is doing his best to keep his secrets intact but also make sure poor Smolder isn't going to get harmed in this moment. That's definitely very good to see here.

Then Jarid switched to dragon.

“Smolder. Just stay calm and play along ok. I’m going to get on your back. When I do, could you stand up and let me pet you’re scales?”

Smolder snorted incredulously.

“Come on! This will help them see that we should be a pair. Then they won’t try to separate us,” Jarid pleaded. Smolder sighed.

“Fine,” he hissed in annoyance.

Well that's about how I thought that conversation was going to go, with Smolder not exactly being the biggest fan of that plan but at least being willing to go ahead with it, knowing it is the smart move to be making in this particular moment.

“See? You need to get out of there now!” Brom whispered in panic.

“Oh, you’re just pulling my leg.” Jarid said dismissively, switching back to human. “Watch.”

And with that, he got on Smolder’s back and clicked his tongue like he would for a horse. Smolder groaned in annoyance but got up and let Jarid rub the scales along his neck. Smolder glanced up at him but refused to look at the other two humans in distain.

“See?”

AHhh I love how Jarid is playing it up just a bit for the benefit of all of them. That's working out well for him I think, maybe the first step in that little deal actually working out somehow.

Brom fell back a few steps and both men gawked at him.

“I don’t believe it! No one has been able to tame … much less befriend … that creature!” Brom stammered.

Jarid slid off Smolder’s back and whispered in dragon. “Thanks for that. I hope it wasn’t too hard for you.”

Smolder huffed and lay down with his back to the group. “You owe me for this.”

Jarid patted his back in agreement and exited the cell. “Sorry for worrying you,” He said to Brom and the Commander as he closed the door.

Well looks like for now the two idiots are only impressed and seem to believe it, although Jarid is going to now probably have a serious amount of explaining to do. This might be a bad incident but maybe it can be the start of something good here.

Commander Valdur regained his composure. “No matter. For now, go back to your squad. I would like to discus this further later so expect to be called to my office in the near future.”

Jarid saluted nervously and left.

As soon as he had gone. Commander Valdur turned to Brom. “There’s something special about that boy. Come with me to my office. I have a proposition for you, and I’d like to hear more about what you know of him.”

Oh dear that's not going to be good if this continues. Valdur the Moron is clearly having some sort of plan to gain more power out of this if he thinks Jarid somehow has some sort of ability to control the dragons.

Jarid got back to the Black squad dorm just as the morning horn sounded. He was still shaking after his encounter with the academy commander.

If he of all people found out that he had the ability to talk to dragons or thought he could control them in some way, he might try to keep him here as a weapon or maybe even experiment on him to figure out how he could do it.

As all these thoughts were whirling around his head, he completely missed walking past Felicia in the hallway. Then he felt a tug on his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

Oh dear I didn't even think about how they might use Jarid himself as a weapon, that is not boding well at all for the poor thing. Oh boy, this might turn out to be a little bit worse than initially apparent.

“What’s wrong Jarid? You seem distant this morning.” She asked, concerned.

“Oh. Hi Felicia,” Jarid replied in a distracted voice. “I didn’t see you there. Sorry for not saying good morning.”

He tried to keep walking, but Felicia stopped him again. “Something’s wrong and you need to tell me what’s going on,” she said determinedly.

Jarid nodded. “Sorry. While I was cleaning the dragon stables last night, Smolder asked if I could stay the night with him. I think he was worried about the dragon choosing ceremony today. Anyways, I agreed and when I woke up, Brom and the academy commander were there outside the cell!

Well this is going to go some places here and it seems his initial thought was to not tell everyone and get everyone's help right away which is fair to be honest, he was probably lost in thought but it seems Felicia here isn't about to just let that go on and happen.

“I thought they might hurt Smolder to protect me, so I got on Smolder’s back and scratched his chin to show them I was in no danger. They were shocked as you can imagine and now the commander is going to summon me to his office sometime soon. I don’t know what he is going to do and it’s worrying me.”

Felicia took his hand in hers. “I know it’s scary being called to the commander’s office, but he probably just wants to tell you that what you did was dangerous, and you shouldn’t do it again.”

Jarid nodded. “You’re probably right. Thanks Felicia.”

She beamed at him happily. “Glad to help. I know you’ll be fine, so don’t worry about it.”

Hmm as much a I want to believe that Felicia is right, there is no way someone as disrespectful as Valdur the Moron especially helped by Brom the Dumb is going to be leaving things off with something that simple.

Jarid wished he could be even half as certain that everything would turn out ok. But he put on a brave face and tried not to think about it as he got ready for the day.

Just over an hour later he was summoned to the commander’s office, and a few minutes after that he was standing just outside the door. He took a deep breath to ready himself, then opened the door and walked in.

“Jarid Drakoulis reporting sir,” Jarid announced, saluting.

Commander Valdur stood and returned the salute. “Very good. Please have a seat.” He said, gesturing to a chair in front of the desk as he took his own seat. Jarid sat and waited nervously for what the commander would say.

Well the anticipation is most definitely building here that's for sure, let's see what exactly is going to come off of it. I don't like the general appearance of this at all, something about it just feels bad.

“Well,” The commander began. “I must say that what happened this morning was irregular to say the least. Normally, I would be forced to consider your actions a safety concern and discus having you expelled for your own well being, but as I said, this is a special case. You seem to have a connection to that dragon.”

Jarid shifted nervously in his seat. He’d been afraid of this.

“Therefore, I have a proposal for you.” The commander began. Jarid leaned forward in his seat fearing the worst.

“Under my authority as academy commander, I would have you be that dragon’s rider from this day forward.”

Well looks like that's an interesting direction to take. Its a bit better than what could've gone down and given how they classified Smolder as this big special case that no one else could listen to it also makes sense for them to do this but I still don't feel we're in the clear, not with the way Valdur the Moron is speaking. I love the way you've constructed his character here. There's genuinely such a strong urge to whack him in the face.

Jarid felt like the whole world had been flipped upside down. He was being asked to be Smolder’s rider? He couldn’t imagine a better offer.

“I understand if it’s a bit soon…” Commander Valdur began.

“No! It’s fine!” Jarid jumped up as his chest tightened at the thought of loosing this chance, but he quickly stopped himself and sat back down. “I mean, I am fine with doing it now. Sir.”

Commander Valdur nodded. “Good. Normally, you wouldn’t be allowed to make your selection until next year, but that dragon is at the end of his selectivity. Also, while I can’t condone getting into a cage with any dragon, you seemed to have a connection with that one. Such a connection is a rare gift and I hate expelling gifted students. So, on the condition that you meet the requirements of the selection ceremony with that dragon, I’ll forgive your stay in the dragon’s cage and allow you to ride him a year early.

OKay well looks like that probably worked out as best as it could have for Smolder too judging by the ominousness of the whole selectivity thing, that's not looking good at all. It also looks like he was "broken" as it were quite a bit too explaining his attitude there.

“I also realise that, as man of common birth, you will not have the funds necessary to purchase the saddle and armor required for riding a dragon. Therefore, they will be purchased by the academy, and during your military service a small portion of your pay will go towards settling this debt.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jarid bowed. “But, if I may ask, what did you mean when you said that dragon is at the end of his selectivity?”

Commander Valdur folded his hands on his desk. “When a dragon is not selected because they are either unsuitable or untamable, they are kept for a number of years to see if they can be broken in or find a rider that suites them. In that particular dragon’s case, no one has been able to tame him, so this was his last chance to find a rider before he had his wings cut and was sold off to some noble or made into armor.”

Oh, well that was expected but to see that play out fully is something quite horrifying for the poor dragon there, that's going to be a long line of things that need to be dealt with hopefully, someday in this future, but for now its working out semi decently.

Jarid shuddered at the thought of Smolder ending up like those dragons in the dragon training exam. It seemed too cruel to be true, but he had already seen evidence of it in the arena and the memory was fresh in his mind.

“Do you agree to the terms I have laid out for you?”

“Yes sir. I will do everything I can to make sure you don’t regret this decision.”

The commander nodded. “Be sure that you do. That is all. You may take your leave.”

Jarid saluted and exited the commander’s office.

Well that went entirely too well for there not to be strings attached. As much as Jarid seems to have bought the whole thing at the moment I'm not buying a word of this its all done and dusted charade.

As soon as he was gone, a side door in the office opened and Brom entered.

“So, what do you think?”

Commander Valdur rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“He’s a good kid. Though his mentality seems a bit bizarre. Gormin also reported something strange during his entrance trial. I suppose our best option is to continue investigating his origins and wait for him to do something that will reveal more. If he cares about others as much as I suspect, he’s bound to run into more problems in the future.

This will also let us investigate that other matter. Though his magic energy does appear abnormally high, that alone isn’t enough for me to believe he is a Dragon Born.”

Oh yeah there we go, Brom the Dumb and Valdur the Moron definitely have evil plans of their own on the side and that's not boding too well for our boy or for any of the poor dragons here.

As Jarid made his way back to the dorm he sighed in relief. He was certainly not expecting the commander to offer him the chance to ride Smolder a year early. It was so exciting, and he couldn’t wait to share what had happened with Smolder and the others.

Even so, hearing what happened to dragons who couldn’t find riders was tragic and kept him from being as excited as he thought he would be.

Well, I can’t help that, but I can help Smolder, he thought, shrugging off the depression.

Maybe if he proved himself good enough; he wouldn’t need to go to school the next year. Then he and Shadow could go on their adventure early. Even as he had the thought, he realised that he wouldn’t be able to go home to visit Shadow now. He would have to stay and start his training with Smolder. In a way, it felt like he was choosing Smolder over his brother.

Oh dear, even more consequences flowing in now for Jarid, looks like Shadow is going to get rather neglected here and I wonder if the journey Jarid is on when that book begins is in fact this current one.

Sorry Shadow,” he muttered to himself. “You’re going to have to wait a little longer.”

When Jarid opened the door the rest of the squad was waiting for him. It looked like Felicia had told them about his being called to the commander’s office.

“So? What happened?” Steven asked. Jarid smiled.

“You’re not going to believe this but, the commander has offered to let me choose Smolder at this year’s dragon choosing ceremony and train with the other second years!”

Well looks like everyone can get excited for the moment at least, ignorant as they are about all the other behind the scenes things that are going down at this very moment.

Everyone was stunned for a moment. Then Felicia jumped in excitement. “See? I told you it would work out!” She cried in delight.

“H-how?” Steven stuttered.

“Smolder asked me to stay with him last night because he was scared of the choosing ceremony. Then the commander and Brom found me in there in the morning. Apparently I was able to show them that I had a connection to Smolder and that it was safe for me to be around him, even in his cage. So, the commander decided to let me try to ride him this year.”

“Wow. I wish I was that lucky.” Steven shook his head in amazement.

Well looks like they're not getting separated for some time after all since it looks like the rest of this entire squad is all second years who'll be choosing dragons too. That worked out well for them.

“It will be a great asset having someone who already rode a dragon on their own with us.” Ben remarked.

“Glad to have you training with us,” Ethen agreed.

“You guys are all so lucky.” Steven said pretending to pout. “I have to wait a whole year before I get to ride a dragon.”

“We should be grateful we get the time to prepare.” Felicia commented. Jarid nodded.

“It took me years to get comfortable enough that I would let Shadow carry me on his back.” Then he chuckled to himself. “Then again. It was probably a good idea considering how long it took for him to stop flying straight into trees.”

Well looks like this is going to be a bit of a merry time for a moment and we're also going to actually get to see the big choosing ceremony now. I'm also glad they're good enough friends now to be laughing with each other about the more hidden parts of Jarid's life.

They all laughed.

“Yeah. Well, we’d better get going.” Felicia said, picking up her bags. “The carriages are leaving in a few minutes.”

She and Steven bowed. “See you soon!” They called as they jogged towards the academy entrance. Their luggage in tow.

“We’d better get ready too.” Ben said. “I realise you don’t know this Jarid, but we were told to meet at the dragon dome half an hour after breakfast in uniform. We will be given instructions on how to choose our dragon and what the ceremony will entail. They will most likely reveal a lot of secrets about dragon riding that first years aren’t told in case they drop out. So, be ready.”

Well looks like that's going to be a blast, read: sarcasm, when they all get their little choosing things underway. These tips and tracks are definitely not destined to be anything good.

Jarid nodded with a worried expression. Ethan patted Jarid on the shoulder.

“You always take things so serious Jarid. It shouldn’t be too bad. I doubt these secrets would be anything they’d kill over. Besides, the scary part will be that you and Airel will be riding untamed dragons. Vapor seems nice enough but…”

Jarid smirked. “Sure, Smolder is a bit rowdier than Vapor. But it’s nothing I can’t handle!” He said giving them a thumbs up. “After all. I’m going to be the best dragon rider that ever lived!”

Well looks like they're a little concerned about Vapor there. I suppose there is some risk in a dragon that's not exactly trained to fly with a human even if said dragon is friendly to humans.

The others all laughed.

“Sure thing, dragon rider,” Airel said punching Jarid lightly on the shoulder. “Just don’t go getting ahead of yourself alright?”

Jarid’s smile grew slightly more serious. “I’ll be fine. I was born for this.”

Everyone looked at Jarid somberly for a moment. Then Ben broke the awkward silence.

“Well then, we’d better get going or we might miss breakfast.”

“Yes. Let’s.” Airel agreed, brightening up.

After breakfast Jarid freshened up and put on his uniform, tucking Shadow’s scale under his shirt. He met with the others a few minutes later in the entrance to the Black Squad dorm and together they made their way to the dragon dome.

After this he would finally have the most important part of being a dragon rider. His very own dragon partner. Smolder.

Well looks like we're off to that super secret ceremony now, let's see how that's going to play out. There's no doubt this is going to be far from a simple cakewalk with everything that's been building up to it.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall we're getting really close to halfway through this book and I think that pacing is working wonderfully as we get both the big dragon choosing moment and what I assume is the heart of the plot of this book underway.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Ah, this was such an exciting change of pace for Jarid -and for Smolder, too! When Brom discovered Jarid sleeping on Smolder, I was genuinely afraid that they would hurt the dragon and he might even feel bitter or betrayed, refusing to trust Jarid. Glad I was wrong, and the same applies to Valdur calling Jarid into his office. Hearing his proposition was awesome; Jarid's like a prodigy, and now there's so much more anticipation for him to prove Smolder can be a riding partner -and himself a rider! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

As usual, I don't have much to put here! From the excitement of Jarid getting to choose a dragon early, the shock and tension of Brom discovering him and learning what Smolder's fate was going to be, and even the touch of disappointment and concern knowing that Jarid won't get to see Shadow, the mood of each moment was handled very well. Although, I did notice some very minor potential errors, here:

Smolder glanced up at him but refused to look at the other two humans in distain.

I think "distain" is meant to be "disdain" here, and one more here:

Commander Valdur regained his composure. “No matter. For now, go back to your squad. I would like to discus this further later so expect to be called to my office in the near future.”

"Discuss" is just missing an "s" at the end. That aside, I liked the warning here, really made it feel like Jarid could be in deep trouble ~

That is all. Great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Oh boy, where to begin?

As I mentioned in the last section, the pacing and mood were great, so was the writing quality throughout -as per usual, haha. I enjoyed seeing Brom and Valdur so shocked by the sight of a human and dragon getting along without any form of "breaking" or force, proving that there are other ways to tame a dragon. Also, amid that whole scene, I liked this:

The cells are made of anti magic metal to keep the dragons from breathing fire but that means our own magic won’t work inside there either.

It's a minor detail but I was curious about that, lol. I also liked how you captured Smolder's frustration throughout the entirety of Jarid's "demonstration" to the commanders:

And with that, he got on Smolder’s back and clicked his tongue like he would for a horse. Smolder groaned in annoyance but got up and let Jarid rub the scales along his neck. Smolder glanced up at him but refused to look at the other two humans in [disdain].

He sounds so annoyed and embarrassed! It's a little funny on the surface, but knowing this is what is needed to ensure his freedom -and even his life, as we learned- there's also a lot of relief that he's willing to comply. Ending that moment in the stables with this bit of foreshadowing:

Commander Valdur turned to Brom. “There’s something special about that boy. Come with me to my office. I have a proposition for you, and I’d like to hear more about what you know of him.”

Now that the Academy Commander himself is taking notice of Jarid's abilities, it feels like things could go better for him -even though there are obviously going to be some high expectations, more pressure, and perhaps even more wary/critical opinions. And before reading ahead, I took that line as very ominous; I genuinely didn't know where it was going, if Jarid was at risk of suspension (or worse), or what, so that was great.

I was also very surprised by this:

He tried to keep walking, but Felicia stopped him again. “Something’s wrong and you need to tell me what’s going on,” she said determinedly.

Knowing Felicia was introduced as this very shy and timid girl, which is even how she related to Vapor, I thought her persistence and determination here really spoke to how comfortable she's gotten among the squad, and how she's so eager to make sure her team is doing okay. It was an impressive character moment and I enjoyed it a lot.

I liked how Valdur was firm with Jarid on why he shouldn't be sleeping in dragon stables (I mean generally speaking, that's fair, haha). However, as he explained his proposition to Jarid -and how they would handle things like armor and saddles- I was genuinely excited. Also, Smolder's uneasiness now makes a lot of sense with this information:

“In that particular dragon’s case, no one has been able to tame him, so this was his last chance to find a rider before he had his wings cut and was sold off to some noble or made into armor.”

That is horrifying! And it explains so much; why Smolder was anxious, what happens to dragons who aren't broken in, why those dragons in the arena were missing their wings, and it adds even more uneasiness when thinking about rider-less dragons and the way they're treated.

As Jarid moves into the dragon dome, and the chapter ends with him bracing for the ceremony, I am left super curious and eager to know how this will go. It feels like there's now a lot of pressure for him to succeed, and even more so, a lot of pressure for Smolder to cooperate -as his life could very well be on the line if progress is reversed. Wow!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this chapter was awesome, nicely done!