Liliana walked the school halls wondering what she was doing there in the first place. She knew she didn't belong there. She knew the other children didn't like her. She knew they thought of her as a freak, but when she moves away from all the other kids, she know she will belong.
Right now she goes to a normal school, LWMS, which stand for Little Wood Middle School. She likes it there, I mean the teachers are nice, and they serve good food, but it's just not right for the real Liliana.
Liliana belonged at a school with kids who were like her. Others, is what other people call them. Others can be many different things, but they are mostly characters with powers. They are known as others because, well, that's what people named them. I guess they thought regular people have powers was to weird, so someone came up with the name... Others.
There are lots of people around the world with powers, and Liliana's mother plans on moving, where she can go to a school, with other, others.
Others have one main power, which is the skill they master, and are best at. Then they have other powers, which they learn to master in the school for others. The school for others is called "Ridge Life School for Others". The school is abbreviated to RLFO. Which is Ridge Life for Others. You can start off going there as a 6th grader, and it goes all the way to 12th grade. They don't think kids from pre-k-5th graders can control their powers, so they let 6th graders and up go.
Liliana is an other. Unlike all the other kids at school, and that's what makes her different from everyone else.. Liliana has never seen another other though, so she's pretty sure she's the only one. Liliana usually keeps to herself, because there's no one she can really talk to. The only thing she's worried about is revealing her secret about being an other. It's dangerous to revel that kind of information. Some people love others, but then again, some people are out to kill the others, so it's too dangerous to revel your secret as being an other.
Some of the powers you can have as an other are... Flying, teleportation, invisibly, seeing the future, drawing things in midair and making it appear, fire, ice, wind, talking to animals, shape-shifting, and basically any other power you can think of.
Eventually everyone who is an other learns the power they really want, then they pick two others to just master as well. Every other can only have three powers, not all of them.
Liliana's main power Liliana wants to master is shape-shifting. The other two powers she wouldn't mind having are teleportation (so she won't have to walk anywhere) and invisibly (so she can play Halloween pranks on her friends, that is, if she gets any).
Liliana knows that she will make friends, because she is an other, just like the other, others. She will be sure to get along with the other, others fine. Liliana is one of those go-with-the-flow kind of people.
Liliana got home from school, and her mom was in the kitchen drinking coffee, while reading a brochure about RLFO.
"Hey mom." Liliana said as she walked in the door.
"Hey Lily. How was school?" Lily's mom replied. (Even though her name was Liliana, most people called her Lily)
"It was okay I guess. What are you doing?"
"Oh, just reading this brochure about that school you want to go to."
"Oh! You mean RLFO?"
"Yes, that's the one my love."
"Well, are you considering it?" Lily said excitedly.
"I mean, I don't know."
"Oh, yeah I understand. Is it expensive?"
"A little bit. It's about $1000 a year."
"That's crazy! I wish you would consider it. I've always wanted to go to that school."
"I know honey, but I just don't know."
"Mom, I'm an other. You know I don't fit in with the other kids at the school I go to know. It's boring, and I can't learn and master my powers. I mean, what's the point of being an other, if you can't even learn your powers."
"Honey, I'm sorry, but I'm just not sure we can afford it. Please don't argue, I'm already stressed enough about this school, and everything. I just... Don't want to send you away."
"Mom, I will be fine. I will call you every day on my phone. I will come home for vacation as well. Please. Can't we just try it, for at least one year. So I can at least master one of my powers."
"Listen honey, I will have to talk to your father about this. I'm not sure if he will be pleased with this price."
"Mom, you know how much this means to me. If he says 'no' what am I supposed to do. I don't fit in with the other kids at school."
"I know my love, but Lily, you must listen. It's really not my fault we can't afford to take you to this school. I'm going to have to work overtime for that, and you know how stressful my job can be."
"Sorry mom."
"It's alright. Now why don't you go up to your room, and your father, you, and I can discuss this at dinner. Alright?"
"Okay mom." Lily said as she walked slowly up the stairs to her room.
Lily opened her door to her room, and flopped on her bed.
This isn't fair. Lily thought. Why can't I got to RLFO. I have nothing to lose, and I will fit in with the other kids there. Why doesn't mother see that? Why doesn't she understand how important this is to me? Hopefully dad will. Hopefully dad will say I can go to RLFO. It's what I've always dreamed of.
Lily pretty much thought of this the rest of the day. She was just up in her room playing computer games and listening to music through her new ear-buds she just got yesterday at Target. Pop music was Lily's favorite. That's about the only music she would listen to.
"Sweetheart." Lily's mom called from the kitchen. "Dinners ready."
"Okay mom." Lily said, as she shut down her computer, and left her room.
Dad was sitting at the table, and he seemed upset.
"I hear you want to go to the Ridge Life School for Others." Lily's father says.
"Yes, and you can call it RLFO."
"Okay, well your mom and I agreed to try it out for a year."
"Really!" Lily said happily. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys are the best parents ever."
"And if we both like it, then we will send you there again the next year, but this year, is a sample year. Since you will only be going for half the year, which is about a semester long."
"Awesome, I'm going to go pack."
"Not so fast sweetheart. You leave next Friday."
"Oh, okay." Lily said as she sat down back at the table.
***
The week went by fast, and Lily was ready to bored the plane to go to RLFO in Hawaii.
She hugged her parents as tight as she could before bording the plane.
"Do you have everything darling?" Lily's mom asked.
"Yes mom, I do. I love you!"
"I love you to." Lily's mom and dad said together.
They hugged and kissed some more, and then Lily was on her way to RLFO, where her destiny awaits her. She was a little worried about going to a new school, but you know she was also excited.
***
Liliana was now on the airplane. She loved airplanes. She loved it when they went through clouds. Lily thought that was cool. She looked out the window and looked down while taking off. She saw the airport building get smaller, and smaller, as she rose into the sky.
The plane ride was supposed to be about four hours. She lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico. So it's four hours to Hawaii, from where she lives. On the plane Lily did lots of activity's to keep her entertained. She listened to music on her phone with Spotify Radio. She drew a little bit in her sketch book. She also read some of here book that she got at a local bookstore.
***
To Lily the plane ride lasted forever.
She got off the plane, and left the airport. Once she exited she called a taxi, which came and took her to the school, which is where her dorm was. Yes, this school has dorms. Lily is going to have a room mate, and she's really excited to meet her.
She walked into the school, and took her tour. Since it was a Saturday, she had time to get situated with her new roommate, and learn to know the school a little it better, so she won't get lost on the first day.
In front of the school they had a gigantic fountain. It was a swan, which was there mascot. The swan was tall and graceful, as it pored out water into the pool that was filled with coins from all different kinds of students that went to the school. There were two grass swan statures right in front of the door that led into the huge school building. At this school your so called "electives" were the classes in which you mastered your powers. She found her way to the office and got her sheudal and locker number, and all the papers she needed. She wlaked her schedula a few times just so she knew where she would go on Monday morning. After she walked her shcedual a few times she went to the dorms. She excited the double dorrs and recanized the swan statues, so she new she knew she was going the right way. She found her way to the dorms. Outside the dorm doors they had a nice decorative wreath. Lily liked it because it was her favorite colors. Puple and blue. It was purple with little blue bow on the top of it. Lily thought it was cute. She walked in the dorm room doors, and she asked the lady at the service desk, to give Lily her dorm key.
Lily walked up to the front desk.
"How can I help you today Miss?" The lady asked.
"I was just wondering where my room was. I'm a new student."
"Oh, alright dear. What's your name?"
"Liliana Stone."
"Okay." She said.
Lily watched the lady type things on her computer.
"Yes, okay." She said. "Your room will be on the third floor and it's room 254 on the right hand side. Once you make it to the third floor you will come to a intersection. Turn left, and your room will be on the left hand side. Jonas will show you." She said as she pointed to Jonas.
"Okay, thanks." Lily said.
She walked over to where Jonas was.
"Can I take your bags?" He asked.
"Sure, thanks." Lily said, as he gave him her bags.
"Follow me."
They walked in silence in the elevator. It was about a minute trip. On the third floor they had a giant sign that says. Floor three. Rooms 200-300.
Jonas showed her to her room. She took the key and her bags.
"Thanks." Lily said again.
"No problem. If you need anything else, you can come find me."
"Okay, cool. Thank you so much." Lily said as she opened the door. Inside was a pretty big kitchen, and a living room.
"Hey." A voice said.
"Um... Hi." Lily said. "Are you my roommate?" Lily asked as another girl approached her.
"Yes, I am. My name is Kimberly Lenard. And you are..?"
"My name is Lilianna Stone, but you can call me Lily."
"Okay cool. Feel free to call me Kimmie or Kim. That's what my friends call me."
"Cool. We have a nice dorm huh?"
"Yeah, I like it here. I've been living here since sixth grade. I used to have a roommate. Her name was Georgie, but she moved to South Carolina."
"Oh, that's too bad. Well you have me now, so I guess things will be different."
"Yeah. Anyway, who do you have first period?"
"Oh um... Let me check." I put my bags in my room, and came back to the living room with my schedule. "I have Algebra with Mrs. Karl."
"Oh. I have Flying with Mr. Mark."
"Cool! So what do we do?"
"We just hang out until Monday. I hope you walked your schedule, because the school is huge. There are two floors, and you could get lost easily. I did on my first day, and I was late to like... Every class. Except lunch of course!" She said laughing.
"Yeah. It will probably be the same for me."
"It's a nice school thought. Once you learn your way around that is."
"Yeah." I said laughing.
"Since it's early. You want to order a pizza and watch a movie?" Kim said.
"Sure. I'd love to." Lily replied.
After the movie it was kind of late, it was 10:00. After another hour of talking they went to bed.
Lily was a little homesick. She missed her parents, and her bed back at home. She knew she would be alright, but she just lie there, in bed, thinking about things.
It's going to be great here. She thought. I will be fine. I already have a friend, and maybe this will work. I love Kimmie. She seems really nice. Maybe things will work! I sure hope they do.
What happens if I get lost on the frist day? Will my teachers be mad? They shouldn't... I don't know. Was this a mistake?
All these thoughts about this new school and new life were running around in her head, like they were running a marathon. They kept replying over and over like they just won't end.
This is crazy... Lily thought once more. After that she fell right asleep.
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Canary word: Present
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Hey there! JediDeadpool here, just tidying up the green room a bit.
Remember please that I'm actually a really nice guy, I'm just pointing out stuff that sticks out. So, take it all in stride
I usually only review grammer mistakes, but seeing as how the tense changes throughout the story so much, that's kind of hard. However,
You've introduced "Other" as a title, which turns it into a proper noun. If you call anyone an "Other" from this point on, you need to capitalize it.
This is all I have for right now, hopefully after you decide which tense you wanna use I can come back and do a followup! You've got the beginnings of a pretty decent story, and I hope to see more of it
Hello there. I'm Pen and I will review your story. Hope to be helpful!!
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"Liliana walked the school halls wondering what she was doing there in the first place. She knew she didn't belong there. She knew the other children didn't like her. She knew they thought of her as a freak, but when she moves away from all the other kids, she know she will belong"--------> Pay attention to the tense of your verbs. Decide whether you like present or past tenses for your story.
------> And that was a very interesting way to start your story. It intrigued me.
"Some people love others, but then again, some people are out to kill the others, so it's too dangerous to revel your secret as being an other."---------> "reveal" instead of "revel". Just a typo.
----> I think maybe you should write " other" with a capital letter O, as long as it's something unique and is a title to a specific specie in your story.
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I think your writing style is very nice. It's very easy and lovely to read your story. Only make sure you put one tense in the whole story and also proofread after you finish your writings. There are a few spelling mistakes scattered around there.
Keep up. I really really liked it.
Okay, thanks for the review. Sometimes I have trouble picking which tense I like best. Present??? Or Past???
Thanks again,
-Dogs <3
Just take your pick and take it easy. I like past better. Am old-fashioned, though. Lol
Okay, thanks.