Young Writers Society

Hi doegrl! I’m Lullaby and I see you’re new here! Welcome, we are glad to have you. I see you’ve published two poems thus far and I’m going to review both. Hope my words may help or give you reassurance of your talents.

In this poem, it is clear it is about a friendship. Or, at least, that is how I read it. Specifically with the line

everyone says we ought to be twins.

I personally had a similar relationship with someone. Nevertheless, I love how the poem opens up. It immediately brings the reader into “action” with the line

My mom hates her

which shows a dynamic that the narrator observed. This introduces “characters” of the narrator and the person they are writing about.

In stanza two, it shows time progression into a new phrase of life. However, from the way it is worded, it seems something happened specifically in July/Summer that made the narrator learn enough and evolve into what they perceive to be their adult self. I had to read this stanza a couple times to get to this conclusion, but perhaps that’s just me. This introduces conflict!

This “something” is never explained throughout the rest of the poem and frankly, I love that! It keeps the readers on its toes and even shows that the narrator doesn’t want to explicitly state what happened. It makes the audience question and even make assumptions, wondering what changed in that summer. The rest of the poem further provides emotional and thought-provoking lines that keep to the ambiguous story.

The last 3 stanzas have a good progression, and the ending wraps this poem up nicely. I truly love the lines and the way you deliver them. This thing that happened changed the course of this relationship. The last two lines not only end the poem but express the end of the phrase of life these characters went through. The audience is left to wonder what happened and what’s next. Yet it doesn’t feel unsatisfying to read!

My main, and perhaps only critique, is the inconsistency of capitalization and punctuation. Each stanza begins with a capitalized word besides the third stanza. There are some periods scattered throughout, but I think it’s important to choose either full punctuation or none to not disrupt the flow of the poem or confuse the reader. The last 3 stanzas have no punctuation and while those stanzas represent a shift in tone and story, I think including punctuation would have only strengthened the message of those! Punctuation and capitalization are not always necessary, not at all, as every writer has different styles and artistic choices. I believe this poem, however, would benefit from more punctuation (but this isn’t always the case and it is all up to you).

All in all, this poem was super enjoyable to read. I can already tell from your first poetry upload that you have a knack for this type of stuff. You seem to be well established as a writer in your voice and style and I look forward to reading and reviewing your other poem and future works. As always, keep writing!