z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

resisting womanhood

by doegrl


My mom hates her
eyes ears hair lips nose
everyone says we ought to be twins.

The summer in Michigan I became an adult.
I turned eighteen in the spring and still
I became an adult in July.

we were supposed to pick blueberries
snack on them before dinner
too full for your dad’s barbecue

I sat in bed
you swam in the lake

We will never be girls
not together
not again


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 209
Reviews: 6

Donate
Tue Mar 19, 2024 4:55 pm
View Likes
valentin3 wrote a review...



I like this one a lot too. It truly show "resisting womanhood". This show true emotion. It also show that you care about what you write(random ik). I suck at writing reviews because i'm a dumb random 13 year old but this spoke to me.

To anyone just reading this one go and read more of these poems because they are the most amazing that that I have personally read.




User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 718
Reviews: 25

Donate
Mon Nov 13, 2023 12:25 am
View Likes
Fleur wrote a review...



Hi doegrl! I’m Lullaby and I see you’re new here! Welcome, we are glad to have you. I see you’ve published two poems thus far and I’m going to review both. Hope my words may help or give you reassurance of your talents.

In this poem, it is clear it is about a friendship. Or, at least, that is how I read it. Specifically with the line

everyone says we ought to be twins.
I personally had a similar relationship with someone. Nevertheless, I love how the poem opens up. It immediately brings the reader into “action” with the line
My mom hates her
which shows a dynamic that the narrator observed. This introduces “characters” of the narrator and the person they are writing about.

In stanza two, it shows time progression into a new phrase of life. However, from the way it is worded, it seems something happened specifically in July/Summer that made the narrator learn enough and evolve into what they perceive to be their adult self. I had to read this stanza a couple times to get to this conclusion, but perhaps that’s just me. This introduces conflict!

This “something” is never explained throughout the rest of the poem and frankly, I love that! It keeps the readers on its toes and even shows that the narrator doesn’t want to explicitly state what happened. It makes the audience question and even make assumptions, wondering what changed in that summer. The rest of the poem further provides emotional and thought-provoking lines that keep to the ambiguous story.

The last 3 stanzas have a good progression, and the ending wraps this poem up nicely. I truly love the lines and the way you deliver them. This thing that happened changed the course of this relationship. The last two lines not only end the poem but express the end of the phrase of life these characters went through. The audience is left to wonder what happened and what’s next. Yet it doesn’t feel unsatisfying to read!

My main, and perhaps only critique, is the inconsistency of capitalization and punctuation. Each stanza begins with a capitalized word besides the third stanza. There are some periods scattered throughout, but I think it’s important to choose either full punctuation or none to not disrupt the flow of the poem or confuse the reader. The last 3 stanzas have no punctuation and while those stanzas represent a shift in tone and story, I think including punctuation would have only strengthened the message of those! Punctuation and capitalization are not always necessary, not at all, as every writer has different styles and artistic choices. I believe this poem, however, would benefit from more punctuation (but this isn’t always the case and it is all up to you).

All in all, this poem was super enjoyable to read. I can already tell from your first poetry upload that you have a knack for this type of stuff. You seem to be well established as a writer in your voice and style and I look forward to reading and reviewing your other poem and future works. As always, keep writing!




Fleur says...


I JUST REALIZED I DIDN'T TOUCH ON THE TITLE.
This title goes super well with the poem and even gives the conflict a bigger voice by using the word "resisting" instead of a word like "welcoming". It shows that the narrator didn't want this thing to happen but it did, and nothing can be changed.



User avatar
26 Reviews

Points: 900
Reviews: 26

Donate
Mon Nov 13, 2023 12:16 am
View Likes
foxtails wrote a review...



very poignant poem. i think it balances topics well throughout & creates a very harsh emotional backdrop over the course of the poem.

the overall themes of shared identity & transitions in life are frankly brutal. the repetition of the pronoun "we" reinforces those inherent struggles within the familial bond. mother-daughter relationships have always interested me creatively, in poetry & other outside ventures. i dont write about them a lot, but theres so much vulnerability. it is honestly respectable & i wish i could capture the same feelings in my writing.

your voice is very powerful here. your short, fragmented lines mirror the fragmented nature of identity. the mention of the summer in michigan is especially meaningful to me. turning eighteen in the spring becomes a symbolic marker, but it is the events in july that mark the true transition into adulthood for the narrator. i think it says a lot about how society pushes certain ideas onto people & how social constructs work in general. its a very intricate topic to capture in a poem like this.

there are so many elements to this poem. you juxtapose so many mundane acts with the significance it has to family life, which is very intriguing. however, theres a lack of sensory details in the poem. i think that could possibly enhance the reading experience even more. i think theres always more room to delve deeper, explore more possibilities everywhere. i apply that to most things.

this evoked a lot of emotions in me. ones i didnt expect to feel. i think that is one of the biggest signs you have something special here.

envy




User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 31
Reviews: 7

Donate
Sun Nov 12, 2023 6:36 am
View Likes
RoseBalor wrote a review...



I found this poem to be absolutely interesting. It’s short and isn’t the type of poem I’d usually read. I like how it makes the reader think. You’re telling a story but not giving too much. I really enjoy pieces that make someone think. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea but for me, I think it was nice. Something different. Good job!




User avatar
220 Reviews

Points: 225
Reviews: 220

Donate
Sat Nov 11, 2023 5:13 am
View Likes
dissonance says...



i absolutely adore this poem.





Perhaps the real rickroll was the friends we made along the way
— GengarIsBestBoy