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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
WOW! I really enjoyed reading this. Right from the first title, I was really drawn in. Ellie here for a review, let's jump right in!!
I interpret this as someone being really lonely. Wishing they were with another person, wishing they could sleep beside them. So, they stuff the bed with pillows to feel like someone else is by them. This other person must mean a lot to them.
I love how you return to the bed analogy. I love the line you used earlier in the poem 'the way I have shredded up all I have known sitting in all that remains'. I love how vivid your lines are. Your poetry is filled with simplicity and beauty, but the lines cut deep like a knife. I enjoyed how you use simple phrases like "I fear" to begin the lines. The words are direct and make sense, which adding this personal level of symbolism behind some of the specifics.
The end part really blew me away:
I love the haiku aspect. Your lines flow well and it does not sound forced at all. Sometimes it feels like poems almost write authors, because authors struggle to get the right syllables or flow, but you really wrote this poem, if that makes sense. Gorgeous and clear descriptions. Love this so much!!
Hope to read more of your poetry soon!! So glad I stumbled upon this treasure!
Hello Doegrl. I am Book. I want to do a review of your poem and haiku.
Roses:
The poem has a dark feel all throughout. You also state your lesson. (I know it has a name but my brain is dead at the moment so I can't remember it) I usually hide mine in the poem if I have a lesson to teach at all. Your poem teaches by telling a story while my poem would likely use different small stories all leaching differently to shove my point in the readers face. We have astonishingly different writing styles and I enjoy that I can go out and find people like you who I can learn from. So thank you for being a poet. I love your poem, it teaches beautifully.
Your haiku is short and sweet. It is very vague but you still state your lesson in the last five syllables. Very nice.
Thornes:
I usually find it hard to read freestyle poems because there is no beat or rhyme to follow. But that is just me. Your story in the poem is sort of oversimplified. I have made this mistake plenty of times myself. But still your poem was a joy to read.
Your haiku was (again) a bit vague but you're working with three lines. When I work with haiku I follow one topic, mention one good thing, and repeat the first line with a bit of change or exactly the same. An example I wrote in 5th grade is:
My south Korea
Mountains stand strong and true
Lovely Korea
Again I thank you for writing your beautiful poems and keep up the great work.
Adieu,
Book
This is amazing. You used your words very well. Although I suck at writing I know how to spot a good poem/story. With the lines like "soiled nails on my cracked hands" really drew me to your story. And again this is great!
Woahhhh this is so cool! I love it and it’s really complex for my gold-fish brain but all I know is that it’s awesome and you could write a whole book with haikus like this. Awesome…
How is your day so far? What is troubling you? Have a positive day today!! Think about your dream world when you’re cramped on a bus! Imagine nymphs dancing in the rain! Imagine a tragic scene of the villain and hero in your story! Go be a positive person! You can do it!!
P.S-I have no idea why I did this my comment got posted three times for some odd reason and I can’t delete anything so yeah! Have a good day/night!