Beach houses

by deletedaug23

Published November 21, 2015

In The Bridge Between Fall and Winter 2k15

I live in a glass beach house.
I wake up nude so those on the shore
can see a crude scene
right under a smiling face
and two thumbs up.

It's like a Pollock painting.
It's beautiful yet bland,
except for the fact that
 the moon makes an appearance
at eleven in the morning.

A kid throws a stone
so I throw a book back.
The door goes first,
then the walls,
then finally the roof.

There I stand with multiple glass shards
lodged into my body, and a copy of
the Communist Manifesto lying on the sand.
People stare,
so I smile back.

Was it karma?
I doubt it.
Good thing I never paid for plumbing
because that kid is going to be surprised
when he opens his lunchbox.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
felistia
Review
felistia wrote a review Review · Nov 29, 2015

Hi Stranger, Felistia here with a review on your poem.

Firstly happy review day.

Now on with the review. I find this poem a little confusing, like really confusing. The poem seems a bit all over the place and doesn't really make sense. It is hard to figure out what it is about, because it doesn't really give any messages or descriptions. The punctuation and grammar is perfect though and it has a good rhythm. The whole thing just needs a bit of work in my opinion. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

User avatar
Becky2421
Review
Becky2421 wrote a review Review · Nov 29, 2015

Interesting work of art Stranger!
Complex to understand straight away but pretty good when message
was unveiled and revealed out after several attempts. Well I see no one has
done a review so let me be the first.

One thing I couldn't understand was the 3rd stanza. I was like 'what?!'. Confusion
altogether. Did you mean the subject in this poem threw the door, walls and the freaking roof out to the boy? Or did the stone that the boy/subject threw hit all the mentioned house parts?

I use to love poems with rhymes and rhythm but this might be a poetry revolution for me. Thanks to you stranger! This poem must have took an army of thoughts and imagination. Well structured from scenic to satisfying ending. Choice of words was sick! (awesome I mean).

Keep up the spirit of quality poem production (LOL looking for encouragements)!
Cheers!

User avatar
alliyah
Comment
alliyah commented Comment · Nov 29, 2015

LIES

Now, this doesn't make any sense.

"You must not understand the joke..."

User avatar
Poopsie
Comment
Poopsie commented Comment · Nov 21, 2015

YES



Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb