Published October 24, 2015
The school building blocks out
the mountains that block out
the sun, making an eternal darkness.
I spectate a penny plastered into
the road, rocks filling up the small hole it made.
Cars passing by see a kid
shoving mint gum on the rocks
so the penny doesn't see
the light of day, like those
who stay after school drinking
sodas from the local gas station.
"It's whatever now,"
I walk away to see
my dimly lit phone screen,
but the sun rays are scattered
by the trees.
My parents spam me,
telling me to be home
before sunset,
but I couldn't tell
that that hasn't happened.
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
Great flow. The ending is kind of jumbled though
I love this poem, mainly because it really corresponds with high school, at least my high school career to date. I really lied the imagery you created, and the little bit of wordplay at the beginning, "The school building blocks out the mountains that block out". All in all it was a pretty good poem. Like I said, reminds me of high school. I hope to see you around!
I really love this poem. Its very evocative, to me, of the feelings that high school brings to light.
There were just a few lines that seemed a little bit disconnected to me. The first stanza, while a beautiful opening, seemed to strike me as just a little bit off. I think it was that block out is repeated in different forms. Perhaps something like
The school building blocks
the mountain. the mountain
blocks the sun. all of these
things lend eternity to
darkness.
I also love the ending, but I am a little confused as to the meaning of the lines "but I couldn't tell that that hasn't happened." This is most likely just a fault in my own reading, but it seems a little bit strangely worded and I couldn't tell exactly why. Nothing really came across to me.
Overall this was a lovely poem. I look forward to seeing what more you have in store.
Hey its Justified here for a review
First off i really enjoyed your poem i read it like 3 times
i absolutely love the imagery your creating here i feel like when i read this im actually there, continue doing whatever your doing because your amazing at it
i like this too but i would maybe be a little more descriptive or say maybe that seeing this may remind you of something long ago or something like that
overall i loved your poem it was amazing, keep up the good work
Hi Stranger! I don't think I've ever reviewed something of yours, so I'm so glad I found you in the Green Room! Here's my two cents:
I have such a strange liking for this piece. It has an underlying sense of humor that I greatly appreciate it. Also, I'm a nerd for titles, and I really like your title and how there are no spaces between the phrase "nothing left."
I love the imagery that is created in the opening: I feel like I am staring at a school in the Appalachian Mountains and I really get the sense of knowing that there is sun, but not being able to see it (hidden symbolism, perhaps?).
Also, after reading the poem a couple times, I've noticed a very strong connection between the dark sky and the penny being blocked from the light of day. The two both seem to represent the ignorance that embodies some people as they blindly go through their strictly routine day- such as the people in this line:
I feel as though the narrator is saying that, like the penny, these people will never see the true light of life if they continuously hide in the shadows. Of course, this is only my interpretation, but I love the way that you were able to progress those two symbols in such a short poem.
And, of course, the ending of the poem ties back into the beginning idea of darkness, not knowing where the light is, etc. I really appreciate how you framed the poem like that.
If I could give one criticism, I would suggest taking out the dialogue, "It's whatever now;" it just feels out of place and I feel as though it doesn't add much to the poem (besides maybe emphasizing the narrator's lack of caring?).
But, if that's the biggest criticism I can find (and trust me, it took a little bit to think of one), then you're doing great! I can't wait to read some more of your work.
-unluminescent
Well, Stranger, you have once again proved why I find you one of the most interesting poets (and characters, might I add.
) I have ever met. Nicely done with your new poem! 
Anyways, here is my complete review of your work, and the many ways that I like it:
...You didn't think I'd end my review like that, did you?
First and foremost, what I like about your poems is how you like to communicate a message, but do so in a humorous way. The remark you made in stanza two: "the light of day, like those/who stay away after school drinking/sodas from the local gas station" kind of made me laugh, as well as the kid sticking mint gum over the penny on the road. The poem intersperses strange (of course, in a good way) imagery, and amusing scenes, which appeals to the comedy in the reader, and you create that comedy incredibly well, might I add. However, the more that one looks at, and studies deeply the meaning of, this poem, the deeper and more profound it gets. Two major concepts run through this poem - the penny in the road, and the darkened sky, and you tie each of them nicely together and over the space of the entire poem. Furthermore, they each, when you ruffle under the comedy found in the piece, convey an interesting message on society, people, and family. In particular, the first line, "the school building blocks out," illustrates how many aspects of society act like shadows, darkening and hiding their surroundings. The narrator hasn't the slightest clue whether or not it is sunset, with the trees, building, and mountains all blocking the sun from his (I'm going to assume it's a he, if you don't mind) vision. It seems, to me, that he is locked under the dome of society, and may well be aware of that, though he doesn't seem to care too much about the fact. He also decides to mask the penny from the light of day by covering it in mint gum, which might also be a metaphor for how individual members of society mask certain aspects of themselves, or certain things that they see. He whisks it away, assuring that it never again sees the light, which he himself is trapped under. In all, this poem is vivid in the way that it communicates its theme, and is a nice example of the stifling influence of society, and how society's individual members can act as focal points of that darkness, they, in turn, masking things within and around them.
Beyond that, the rest of the poem is fantastic. You wonderfully communicate your purpose in the best way - by getting people to laugh. Your poem is, like so many of the others, vivid, and also fun to read. Your punctuation style is perfect, and I find no errors grammar or spelling wise (of course, even if wasn't, I know how you like to take stylistic preferences, and so I probably wouldn't have minded even if I did see something 'odd.') It is orderly, nicely composed, and well-written, and, as with many of your other poems, I am impressed. In conclusion, I love this poem. It is powerful, it is fun to read, and the realism is fantastic. The message that you deliver in this poem sticks in the minds of the readers, and delivers them a powerful blow on the reality of society. This was fun to read from start to finish, and I look forward to more. Well done!
Thanks, man!