Sadness to Sunrise

Hey I'm gonna just do a quick full review here.

So first off I thought that you did a good job overall. I thought it was cool that you wrote using "you" it's more uncommon for this type of poetry. And it seemed like you were talking someone out of their pain and misery which is a really cool way of writing and you did an awesome job at it. Also I liked how you you used your imagery and it just is a very happy, encouraging poem, and I enjoyed reading it.

So, the only problem for me is the way that it was organized, it may just be me but when I was reading it I was really hoping for it to be organized in a different way, because it just seemed way too all over the place. The sad thing is I am not too sure how you could re-organize it, but I would suggest taking out the "..."'s I don't think you need a lot of it. Also maybe if you tried not too separate too many of the lines. I know some of them are really important and that's why you separated them, but sometimes you have to pick three majorly important ones and let them be the only one's out. But then again, don't listen to me if you don't want to, it's just a suggestion. XP

Oh and for this line changing it a bit to this might help arrange it a bit:

"Suddenly, you find, that what you need to do, is to want it.
You need to crave the joy that you once had,
in the palms of your hands.

If only you hadn't of thrown it away,
in your depression and misery."

What do you think of that? That's kind of what I meant by organized, but I think that's not really the right word to use. I really mean arrange.

Also in the last line you need to space out the commas a bit. Personally I do not see the need for a "The End!". But overall the writing was really good and I really liked it!

Great job! I can't wait to read more of your works! XD

--Keep dreaming and keep writing!

This was a lovely piece! Was this intended to be a work of slam poetry? Because that's how I read it. I thought the subject matter was interesting and I really loved the descriptions used. Now, onto my critiques.

The formatting in this stanza seems off,

"Suddenly, you find, that what you need to do
is want it. You need to crave the joy that you once had
in the palms of your hands...if only you hadn't of thrown it away
in your depression and misery."

At least to me, the cadence is all wonky and it doesn't flow smoothly like the rest of the poem. Consider having it organized like this,

"Suddenly, you find, that what you need to do is want it.
You need to crave the joy that you once had in the palms of your hands...
if only you hadn't of thrown it away
in your depression and misery."

This reads better and makes the point you are trying to make a little clearer.

Another problem I had with this poem was the excessive use of ellipses (...). Ellipses are a great tool when used in moderation, but In this piece I thought they were used a little too often. Consider using line breaks or commas instead of ellipses to create the desired rhythm.

That's pretty much everything! With some editing this piece can be truly wonderful. Happy writing!

Hi, what fantastic descriptive skills you have! Very creative. It's an interesting topic you have meddled with, good job.

My only criticisms are that you use too many full stops, maybe just have a full stop at the very end of the poem. That might not sound right to you I could be wrong but that is just how I've been taught how to write poetry. We all have our ways.

Another thing, your sentence structure is just a tad chunky, read over this again and see what you can pick up.

Good job buddy

This was lovely. I quite enjoyed this piece. I liked the meaning behind it and I thought it was wonderfully displayed. Overall, an excellent piece.

I loved the word choice you had in the piece because you had wonderful descriptive words that kept me interested. The word choice is important because it throws the reader into the piece by making the appearances more realistic for them. I always recommend bigger, better descriptive words, even if you already have some, because a piece can always be made better through description.

I like that the points are easily comprehensive throughout the piece and the meaning is very clear. The writing was easy to understand and readers will easily see the points you are trying to portray to them.

The formatting and everything was wonderful, and there was definitely nothing major I would fix in this piece. As I said, I always feel that descriptions can be improved and make the readers experience even more enjoyable. Overall, nice piece, I loved it. Keep writing!

Hi there! so I'm going to attempt to review this poem. I want to start off by commending you on your use of vocabulary and figurative language. It flowed very nicely together and was cute. My favorite line was "the darkness is faded from you eyes and replaced by shimmering and the last one- it was refreshing and a change from the rest of the lines. Great job, overall.