Gone, but not forgotten
Forgotten, but not gone
The baby in the cradle
sleeps on and on
The innocent lives among us
The devil does his deeds
Even the strongest men
fear the Lord's power.
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140,727 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Hi Dasia!
I'll say that I agree with Suzanne about finding a title. Titles may not be everything in a piece, but they do help give the reader/reviewer a solid first impression of your work. By the way, the title you choose at first doesn't have to be permanent, but something will be better then nothing.
Onto the poem; It was quiet interesting. I liked the concept of it, as it seemed fully original. However, you seem to be making a lot of simple mistakes; such as spelling errors, confusions with phrasing, grammar and so forth. Just see the above portion when you revise! I also took 'indeed' out because it really didn't seem to fit.
All in all it was good work; keep it up.
-Elinor
this is the poem this is what it is to say my friend wrote this
Hi there!
This might seem silly, but the fact that this poem doesn't have a title is a big indication that the poem itself needs a lot more work on it. I'm not saying this to mean that it's a bad poem, but if you don't know what to call the poem, you don't know what it's about exactly, you don't know what is most important in it - you have a lot of thinking to do about the poem. A title is a strong point in a poem. It brings all the meaning together and spearheads the poem. I'm not saying you need to make a title right away, but I am saying you should spend more time thinking about your poem and what you want it to say.
Now to the poem itself. You have a lot of interesting lines but none of them seem to connect together. What is gone, and what is forgotten, or the other way around? How is this baby important in the scheme of the innocent, the devil, strong men, and the Lord? And how do all those things connect to each other, too? It seems to me that you have an idea in the form of a poem, but it's not quite a poem yet. There's a lot you could add to this. Right now it's just a list. Try to really focus on what you want to say here, in fact I would suggest writing that down exactly. What do you want to say? What do you want to make the reader feel or think? And go from there with writing this poem. It'll help you discover a title as well. Keep in mind poetic devices like imagery, symbolism, metaphor or similes that you can use to bring more life to a poem; it helps a lot to bring the reader in.
I hope all this helps! Best of luck with this.