You don't even know me
yet you judge me anyways.
You don't ever listen
To the words I say.
Yet you make your own opinions
With out any facts to back it up.
Chorus
------------
Can't you just stop
and see from my perspective?
See how dumb you look
when you judge with out
opening the book.
____________
Sometimes it hurts me.
Most times it's amusing.
To see you lost for words
when I prove your theories wrong.
I will be strong
Even though you guess my thoughts
And you are wrong.
Even though you gossip
and you talk like
I told you everything.
Really how different are we?
You make up stories to tell
I make up books to sell
So can't you just calm down.
Chorus
------------
Can't you just stop
and see from my perspective?
See how dumb you look
when you judge with out
opening the book.
____________
And when I'm famous
You'll be the first I tell
So you can spread the word around.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,496 Literary Works • 672,585 Reviews
Hi, Dasia!
So my thoughts are a bit backwards here compared to the usual! I feel like your message is VERY clear here. There's just a lack of imagery and... prettyness, for lack of a better word. The flow's not actually there while the message is, so basically, I'd encourage prettying it up!
We can do that with word choice, certainly, but mainly rephrasing. Metaphors and/or imagery, which is what this piece seems to lack. You're usually very good with putting that in there -- intentionally, probably, because it comes so naturally -- while this piece just seems like a ramble/rant with line breaks. XD It's crazy. I find it amusing!
In fact, I don't have any other points to make. It might take some rewriting in places, and maybe even additional verses or lines somewhere. I don't know what works best since I don't have the music, so hopefully you'll get inspired somewhere along the way. Maybe tie in an extended metaphor, or describe the situation at hand more. The listener can relate to it more if you set the picture better!
That's all though! This is certainly on its way, but it's also an fairly workable edit.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!