I have a dream
I don't have a dream
about the good, about the bad,
the unbelievable, about the sad,
Just of hope's kind stream.
My doorbell flied me a note
to beware of madness;
‘cause politician who's buying a vote
Shall fall to darkness.
I will have dreams
not about a matter of life and death,
But to live in peace with every breath.
When will we stop to be victims!?
I had a dream about…
…about love without blood.
I have dreams a lot…
…about people above the mud.
I have a simple dream,
just to fulfill my dream…
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OK, thank you for advice...
No problem
If you want, you can click 'edit' on the upper right side of your post and edit your poem, you don't have to post a new one.
I have a dream
;)
I don't have a dream
about the good, about the bad,
the unbelievable, about the sad,
Just of hope's kind stream.
My God send me a note
to beware of madness;
‘cause a politician who is buying a vote
Shall fall to darkness.
I will have dreams,
not about a matter of life and death,
that we stop to be victims
But to live in peace with every breath.
I had a dream about,
about love without blood.
I have dreams a lot
about people above the mud.
I have a simple dream,
just to fulfill my dream…
Thank you for review. I hope that my signature won't affect on the poem.
Hey darko! Welcome to YWS.
First off, this is quite an interesting piece. I like the way you took MLK's speech and made it into a poem. However, there are a couple of mechanical things to work out:
Your doorbell "flied" you a note? This did not make sense to me.
Again, there are a couple of things you could have meant here, but how it is now is not correct. I think you meant 'cause a politician who's buying a vote right? It could also be 'cause politicians who are buying votes or 'cause politicians buying votes or something like that.
A double punctuation mark is a no-no. Let your words make the emphasis instead of the !?.
You have a lot of ellipses here (those are the '...' thingies) that don't add anything to the poem. Poems are read so that there are pauses at the line breaks, so all the ellipses and the comma are unnecessary here. Your words and ideas are great though! So no complaints there. Just make sure you read it over again a few times, and edit as you see fit.
PM me if you need any more help!
xxxxx