Jolt

Oh woow I love this one, especially the light in this that can take the darkness away. I have seen one type fault, maybe you have wrote to fast...amd provides light to all, I think it must be ''and''?

My favorite line is ''The dark ages are a thin of past'' cause I see that like that you must let the darkness behind you to step in the light and that is why I love that line.

In your first line you post ''powers every ''city'', your poem is really deep and powerful. You have talent and I go follow you back.

Dazzle

Hallo, lovely. Going to cover this poem today. I haven't read the other reviews, so pardon me if I repeat them.

To start off with, it feels very jolting (haha, nice pun, now shut up and review, amirite?) - I'm not sure if it's intentional, but it's not a particularly nice feeling when you end your first and second lines with full stops and they feel like they should continue. Not necessarily bad, but it could definitely benefit from a second glance. Also, in the last line of the first stanza - "helps the grow"? Perhaps you meant "growth" (which makes more sense in context?). Also, I don't think that comma after "itself" is in place in a poem with little going on punctuation-wise besides full stops. Again, not necessarily bad, but not necessarily good, either. Could be a dash?

In the second stanza (skimming over the typo in the last line) - the word "smite" makes no sense in this context, to be blunt. Perhaps "spear" or "column"? Again, the commas feel a little out of place - the one in the first line of the second stanza shouldn't be there at all, and sounds very awkward when reading it, even out loud (which is where a lot of mistakes can be erased by the magic of the human voice and inflection). Actually, thinking on it, the one in the third line doesn't belong there either, so see what you want to do about that?

Again, in the third stanza: typo. "Thing", not "thin" (and I apologise if it sounds like I'm pointing out the obvious; I'm just trying to be a bit thorough). The full stop at the end of the quote could be erased to give a bit more feeling of flow, attributing that quote to the electric users.

Overall, I do like the premise, and I enjoy the execution to a degree, but it comes off as very unpleasant to read, aesthetically. I'm not sure how I feel about the punctuation, and the diction could probably use a bit of improvement (feel free to look at that aspect on your own), but considering a large bit of that is stylistic and unique to you, as always, take this with a grain of salt and just do me a favour - look over this, read it out loud, and put the full stops and commas where you want to add more of a pause than the regular one at the end of a line, not just *everywhere*. (I know it's tempting. I know it seems awesome. It just really doesn't help your poor reader.)

Hi again, dark, here as promised. Are you writing poetry about all of the elements?

I like the way this poem takes on a similar structure to the one about water, but I don't think this one is as strong as your prior one. Here's why:

Helps the world defend itself,
helps the grow.

The jolt shone on us all
The Jolt, of electricity.

Hey there!

Well this is a concept not covered very much, so good on you for that! That being said, this poem didn't do much for me - it didn't make me laugh, think, cry, hate - nothing. When I read the title, I assumed this would have something powerful, some gravity - I was a bit disappointed. To me, it seems like you should've made it an ode and comical, as you just listed what electricity does, and what it is, but in such a basic way it didn't have much impact.
Now, the first line was just a basic introduction into the poem, so maybe you could make this a bit more mysterious, only hinting at the matter ? That might just be me. xD Also, there is no need for both a period at the end of both lines, it disrupts the flow. I wish you would have elaborated on "helps the world defend itself", and I believe you missed a word/letter on "helps the grow".
"
From a small spark created by friction,
to a giant smite from the sky.
Electricity tears the air,
amd provides light to all."

That entire stanza seems a bit off, as though you tried too hard to combine them. Again, possible elaboration?

*thing, not thin

I find the last stanza doesn't do much at all. It just seems like a filler, and I feel you could do more with "jolt" than you did.

Overall, interesting concept, but needs some work!

~Epic

And here we are, Dark, for your last review besides part 9 and 10~ I hope these have all been helpful for you. It's been fun getting to know your writing style and your characters. I like the way you think and I know that as you continue to practice writing you'll just keep getting better and better.

This poem is way different from your poem on the water element. Electricity seems to be tied much more to humans instead of existing on its own, though you do mention lightning and static.

I think the poem is kind of cheapened when you mention electricity (like the stuff that turns on lamps and tvs) too much. It's almost okay when you mention that it lights up society, but saying "electric users" makes me think of bills and buying lightbulbs at hardware stores and stuff, which is not epic and inspiring like static or tearing the air with a smite.

I'd also like to see whether you could give a voice to electricity the way you did to water. What would it say? What would it want to say? How would it say those things? And how would we understand? Maybe you could explore a finger getting static shocked, or the charred top of a tree hit by lightning. These would also bring in nice, concrete images for the reader to stick to.

Lastly, I know jolt is a noun, but I think of it more as a movement now than a concrete noun that can shine. It's like a person was jolted by electricity or a bumpy car, but you don't see a jolt? That weakened the ending for me.

Again, lemme know if you have questions, okay?
Good luck and keep writing~

Hallo!

I like the idea behind the poem, of how electricity changes the world. I also like the first line of the last stanza, which sort of plays on the Dark Ages as the time in history being related to actual light and darkness.

One thing I would suggest here is elaborating more with the descriptions you use. The wording you use here is a bit, say, simple. Perhaps expand more on what you are saying, describe things in more detail, and use more imagery of all kinds. Instead of just saying "From a small spark created by friction/to a giant smite from the sky", you could describe the color of the spark, the heat coming out of it, how it jumps from one thing to another with a hiss, and you could describe the bright flash, the broad staff of electricity forking down from the sky, bringing with it an earth-shaking roll of thunder like the sounds of thousands of marching feet. Things like that add more to the poem, allowing the reader to understand more what you are saying and connect more with the poem, which ultimately makes them enjoy it more.

Another thing that struck me was that the poem doesn't really seem especially unique to me. It's kind of a basic idea. That electricity is important is understood by most people; the poem doesn't really offer a unique view. Instead of just talking about the importance of electricity, why not look at it from a different angle? Approach electricity in a way that makes readers think, makes them reconsider something about the way they look at the world. That's how you catch their attention, and that's the sort of poem people really enjoy to read.

All in all, the poem is interesting, and has a lot of potential, but there's a lot more that could be done with it to make it better. Why not try to write from a different angle and see how it turns out?

-Wherethewindgoes

Hey there speakerskat here to review for ya!

The main idea of this poem was crystal clear , nice and straight foward, I like that because most of the time poets have the raw emotion but they just can't adequatley convey their ideas if you know what I mean. I do have to say thought that I really longed for ome emotion or imagrey or some kind of poetic devices in here, a little more spirit. It felt more like an information pamphlet to me. Quite a few spelling errors, just little typos really, like amd should be and and thin should be thing . Also the middle stanza third line I'm not sure if that's a typo or if you ment for thaty to be tears. A nice simile would really spruce this up nicley and I think you would have quite the work of art on your hands. Just be expressive and open and the posibilities are endless.

Keep it up
~Kay