*This is underneath my folder titled “Some kind of monster land”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Chapter One-Valencia Diaz
Hello there, reader.
I am Valencia. Valencia Diaz.
I am currently ten years of age. I live with my parents and my bothersome older sister, Claudia.
I am not a human. I am half siren, half vampire. My mother is a siren and my father is of vampire origin.
I live in a land of monsters. My trusted friend, Jenny La Rue, is half clown and half doll. She is just as different as me.
Why do I sound emotionless? Or blank? Or in other words…”too sophisticated”?
Because what is the point of having emotions, if they will all go away in a second?
Chapter Two-Life with my satanic sister
Ah yes. Lying on the hard and cold floor of my room. How relaxing.
Oh goodness…here comes Claudia…
Sometimes I wonder if the nurses had switched my actual sister with the devil’s daughter.
But I know that isn’t true.
I sometimes wish it were. That would make my life a tad easier.
BANG BANG BANG
“Let me in, Valencia!”
“Leave.”
Isn’t she supposed to be more mature? Isn’t she sixteen? Or fifteen? I forget.
“Alright then, I’ll come in myself!” Claudia cries out from behind the door.
“Please don’t.”
“One…two...”
“Please refrain from entering my chamber.”
“Three!”
Oh dear. I’m in trouble now.
Chapter Three-Trouble, personified
“Sooo….who’s up for some fried fish?” Claudia asks, smiling with her pointed teeth.
“You’re half siren. We are half siren. Wouldn’t that be like eating a family member?”
“Mom says it’s okay, so I’m going to do it! In front of you,too!”
Is this even real? Why is this my life? Why must I live this existence? Why is she like this?
“Why?”
“Cause I’m bored, that’s why.” Claudia says, already digging in her skirt for some fried fish.
I would like to leave, but Claudia is much taller and older than me and she might catch me in her claws before I can make my escape. And no, I cannot teleport. Super speed is not the same thing as teleportation and Claudia will be sure to catch me.
Please, dear reader, offer me assistance.
Help me.
Chapter Four-The fish
I think I hear the fish screaming. It wouldn’t surprise me, as Claudia is weird enough to eat a living fried fish.
She’s snarfing the slimy and revolting thing into her sickening mouth, a horrid, jagged-toothed grin plastered on her face.
I hold my nose and turn my head away. If I ever complain about this to my parents, they will tell me to be nicer to my sister as if her being my sister somehow makes me have to excuse her appalling behavior.
And to think that Claudia is sixteen years of age! Yes, I have just remembered how old she is!
How dare she act this way towards me!
But I am at fault too for ever thinking that she’ll change.
Chapter Five-It’s Jenny
I think I would like to be a ghost, like Eddie. He’s half ghost and half skeleton and he goes mostly unnoticed. Why can’t I be like him and disappear from here? Why-
“Valencia, let me in! It’s me, Jenny!”
I turn towards the window and see that outside of it is none other than my friend, Jenny. She’s grinning at me with her sharp white teeth, her pink-red hair in pigtails and although she’s off-putting herself, at least she’s my age and doesn’t torment me.
Besides, I don’t want to stay with Claudia and her disgusting-smelling fish any longer.
Chapter Six-Jenny wants to go…where?
I quickly run to the window and open it, letting my comrade slip in.
Claudia, sensing that I’m not paying attention to her, slips away from my room, leaving me feeling better than I did a few moments ago.
“Valencia, want to dig a hole into the human land?” Jenny asks.
What…what? That’s what she wants to do? I love her, but…can’t she just think? For just one second?
“Why would we do something as idiotic as that?” I ask.
“To talk to the homo-sapiens! Hey, they might be cool after all.” Jenny says.
Does she not remember what she learned in school? What we all learned?
“Remember what Mr. Smells-like-the-dead said?”
“Yeah, yeah. “Don’t trust the humans or else they’ll lock you up and force you to children’s cartoons for infinity.” “ Jenny says, rolling her eyes as though she doesn’t take it seriously and…I don’t think she does.
“That’s why we shouldn’t go!”
“So? What’s the worst that could happen? Cartoons aren’t that bad.”
“But who knows how long they’ll be for? If it’s even worth it? If-“
“Come on, Valencia, it’ll just be for one time.” Jenny says.
Well, I am curious about what might be in the human land, so maybe, if we stay for a little bit…
“Fine. But not for long.”
“Yay!” Jenny beams, her doll hand grasping my claw tightly as she runs towards the window she was at moments earlier.
Chapter Seven-Digging for the human land
Me and Jenny are in the dark woods, digging a hole to go to the human land. Jenny is using a sparkling pink shovel she got from her home and I am using a black shovel from home.
I don’t understand why Mr. Smells-like-the-dead told us how to get to the human land and then tell us not to go there, because now we’re both digging into the human land and things might not go too well.
But we’re doing it.
“This is insane, even for you, Jenny.” I say.
“No, my weird clown Dad is.” Jenny replies, a glimmer in her eyes and a faint chuckle in her voice.
“Not hilarious at all.”
“It is to me.”
Of course it is. Everything is funny to Jenny.
Chapter Eight-Hello, humans
I have emerged from the dirt, after spending long hours digging with Jenny.
Boy oh boy, the human land sure is…something.
The long, winding road next to the dirt is black stone that looks like it’s unbearably hot from how the sun shines on it. There are gray, misshapen buildings that touch the sky. The air smells like waste and…and…loneliness and death.
But the most terrible part is the yelling.
The humans are yelling…at each other!
I hear something about “traffic” and “I don’t want to go to work today.” Most of it is an unintelligible, angry mess that is all around us and overwhelmingly so.
“These humans are strange creatures.” I say to Jenny.
She nods, a grim look on her makeuped, pale face. Her seriousness startles me a little, but I am glad that we agree on this.
Chapter Nine-Humans everywhere
Everywhere we go, there are humans. Me and Jenny expected there to be humans, but not for the humans to be so unpleasant.
They all stink. They smell like misery and…and…do I say it? Hmm…well, it fits…hate.
Misery and hate smell like decaying flesh, spoiled and covered in blood, left to rot.
But wait…some let off scents of love and contentment. The scent of fresh flowers covered in rain drops, shining in the sunlight…But only some.
Even Jenny, who seems to love everything, is staying close to me, her wild white eyes looking very, deeply mournful.
Chapter Ten-A human
What is there to do? What can there be done? Do we go into the buildings? Look around? Do we-
“Ow! Oh-I’m sorry, I bumped into you.”
I stop. A human girl around my age, with a pink bow headband on her curly light brown hair, an apologetic look in her dark brown eyes is in front of me.
Yes, she has bumped into me, but she looks like she feels…like she feels bad about it.
Chapter Eleven-Not too bad
“Yes, yes you did. But are you okay?” I ask. The human girl doesn’t smell bad, so I think it’s okay to talk to her. Mr. Smells-like-the-dead said that truly terrible humans only smelled bad. It was a smell that only monsters, otherworldly beings and ghosts are able to smell. Humans can’t smell it.
I think it’s only right to ask if she’s okay.
“My face hurts a little but not too much. I’m sorry I bumped into you! I was trying to see how far I could run and-why are you dressed in Halloween costumes?”
Chapter Twelve-A distraction
So she’s noticed now. I was wondering when she’d point out how different we look from her. Maybe we can somehow make it so that it’s nothing to worry about, so she won’t think about it much.
“Because that’s what we like doing. Don’t you have stuff that you like to do?” I ask, hoping to divert the conversation.
Jenny hasn’t said anything yet, which is weird, since usually, she doesn’t shut up.
Chapter Thirteen-Time to go
“Yes, I do! I like selling cookies for the girls’ scouts? Do you guys want to join? It’s really fun! We do a lot of stuff for the community. I’m Valerie, by the way.” Valerie says, sticking her hand out for…me? Or for Jenny? It’s not like both of us can shake her hand.
Well, Valerie seems so, so, so nice, but how am I supposed to let her know that we will never be in the human land again? Or maybe-
I have to pull Jenny away and run, because she was about to bite off Valerie’s hand.
Chapter Fourteen-As we run
“Jenny, what was that? Why were you looking at her hand like that? I know that look when I see it, I-“
“Why were you being all friendly with that human? I’m supposed to be your friend!” Jenny yells.
We’re running back to the hole, past the humans and I feel like I might just scream at her. Jenny has done some not-so-kind things, but I never imagined her to get mad at me for talking to somebody else before.
Chapter Fifteen-A strange flow of tears
“You’re the one who wanted us to go to the human land! Why are you upset about it now?”
“Because I thought it would be fun! I didn’t think you’d want somebody else to be your friend!” Jenny screeches, her voice crackling like she’s crying…crying?
Crying over what?
Chapter Sixteen-Going home
We’ve made it to our hole and we’re crawling through it, back to our land. The humans have given us strange looks, but Valerie was the only one who talked to us.
I’m glad that we aren’t hurt, but why is Jenny crying? There’s nothing to cry about and frankly, she’s starting to bother me. Why can’t she just be quiet? Why must she sob so loudly?
Chapter Seventeen-Towards home
I think that I will tell Jenny to be quiet. Once we get to the top, I will tell her to stop. Or maybe she’ll go back to normal. That would be nice.
Well, I see the light coming in and the roots of bare trees ahead. We’re getting closer!
Chapter Eighteen-Back home
We’ve made it to the top, but before I can anything to Jenny, she runs off and leaves. That’s a bit perplexing, but it’s alright. I’ll just walk home by myself.
Or not. I see Claudia out here, in the woods, her claw extended towards me.
Chapter Nineteen-She cares
I can feel my whole body go stiff as Claudia walks towards me. Is she going to do something odd? Is she going to annoy me? Is-
“Mom and Dad were looking for you, so I checked here. Don’t look at me like that, I care about you. I only do certain things to get a reaction from you, to make your life more fun. You know that, so come on.” Claudia says, not a single teasing note in her voice.
I…what?
Chapter Twenty-As we go
I think about what Claudia has said as we walk on. She…she does this stuff to get a reaction out of me? Why? Sometimes she sees more sane than other times, but that’s not all the time, so I usually think that’s not how she really is.
Is that why Jenny is like that? Because she wants to get a reaction out of me? Or because she wants to be funny?
Something peculiar is twisting in my heart, something that makes my eyes water. I don’t know what it is and it hurts really bad, but maybe…
Maybe Valerie might know why. Maybe I should see her again. She’s not evil at all.
Maybe we can be friends and maybe as a human, she might know more about this weird feeling I have.
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Here is part one!:
Some kind of monster land: A clown doll [Part One]
Alright now Valencia’s POV
I feel like this story could have been run through a spell checker before posting. There are quite a few spaces etc missing ☹ [Also, dialogue formatting. I think word catches that too]
Hm I found that the first three chapters kinda dragged and there weren’t enough descriptions to ground me in the scene. You lost me at several points. [And this is bad bc then I’m even more irritated bc of the dialogue]
That said, I especially like this paragraph and the preceding one, it’s very vivid and descriptive:
I like the insight Val’s POV offers into our previous protagonist. Especially this: “Of course it is. Everything is funny to Jenny.” I like this. Also, I found the description of her being “mournful” in the human world extremely intriguing. Makes me wonder if she recognizes this is part of her world, considering the reveal last ch where she might be more human than expected.
I was a bit confused abt what exactly went down in the human land, again you’re so sparse with immersive descriptions, it’s getting hard to follow ☹ And it’s sad that Jenny so jealously guards her friendship with Val. Feels like she’s afraid to be abandoned.
I’m really surprised by this
It doesn’t really feel like something Claudia would say, or rather she would say it not so plainly.
But I do like that Valencia wants to go see Valerie again!
thx for reading!
hi, great work! you did well when writing Valencia's character, especially in comparison to jenny's, with Valencia sounding serious and proper, and Jenny sounding more bubbly and talkative. i also like the part where Valencia interacts with the human girl, and we learn that monsters can smell whether humans are good or not. near the end, when jenny is upset, it does seem like Valencia's character to be confused why, and throughout the POV, we can see what she sees, and if we look only at her perspective, we can see why she's confused, as she didn't notice Jenny's main point, and thought they both wanted to interact with humans. all in all, great story! keep writing!
Glad you enjoyed!
I made ze part three:
Some kind of monster land: A werewolf witch [Part Three]