Malcolm Draxton’s story-Circus of horrors

Oh I really enjoyed this short story vampricone - it has a very clear background, build, tension, then conclusion.

To me, something that made this story particularaly special was the inclusion of the song! You should definitely continue to try your hand at writing lyrics as you did a great job with the flow, rhyme, and cantor of that here!

Let's take a look at this story in chunks:

The Background / Scenebuilding
I know this is part of a larger work / larger web of characters, which might have been the reason for the run-off list of names/characters at the beginning, but I felt like there were a few too many details there for such a short story and some which didn't feel too relevant to this plot. If you are including details simply to let readers know how this work relates to the larger body of your works, I'd include that in an earlier author's note or off-set it with a line or something.

You introduce the "conflict" of the piece right away - which is good - it builds tension! The circus performers are ... dissapearing! I really wanted to know a little more about their disapearances if they were by their own will or just vanishing.

The Act / Character-Building
I thought the magic act of the main character pulling his fingers off was very unique and gruesome without being hard to read - I liked your vivid description here. Only change, is I think you might include a little more scene description and the audience reactions.

Main Conflict / Main Villain
Then we meet the main conflict / villain - and the main character immediately knows she's a demon ... I wondered how they knew that! That might be something to delve into a little more with additional insights and details to build the lore and story up even more.

Song
Loved the song spell! That was really fun to read and spooky and you did a good job with the rhyming aspect. A couple suggestions:
No longer will you stretch out your wanting claws <- this line is a bit long compared to everything else, maybe split in two?

Your evil won’t do a thing
You won’t come for us < - I wish these two lines rhymed!

Conclusion
The conclusion was mysterious and left me wanting to read more but also finished off this cycle of the story in a spooky little ending. It was a really good twist to have her dissapear only to re-appear in the main character's mind! I wasn't expecting that at all, and it was a good twist / scare there. I think you could go into even more descriptions in that part about what it felt like to have someone else in your mind.

Overall, a very nice and spooky story! Thank you for sharing!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite a look at this circus here. It seems that the force we're dealing with is quite a powerful demon and one that's quite well disguised at that, not to mention incredibly powerful.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was the year 1982 at the “Circus of awe”. There were two clowns of the names Zippy and Cookie, a ballerina in a black veil called “The Lavender faerie”, twin trapeze acrobats, a magician, and a ringmaster.

But something had taken away most of the performers. Only the magician, Malcolm Draxton, and the ringmaster, Teresa Silvan, were left. The rest had been disappearing.

Malcolm often wondered why the circus was still intact. Teresa always told him that the “show must go on, no matter what”.

So, using his gift of real magic from childhood, Malcolm pulled off all five of his fingers from his right hand. The audience gasped in amazement, but it was simple to him. Those who had the gift of magic could do as they pleased.

As he was placing his fingers back on his hand, he noticed something strange in the distance. A pale woman dressed in black, with long, black hair reaching down into the ground stood far off, shadows twisting and changing around her.

She’s a demon, and most certainly the one who took them all away. Malcolm thought grimly.

“I’m going to sing a little song before our show ends.” Malcolm said to the audience with a smile.

Hopefully it would drive her away.

Without hesitation, Malcolm began singing the song known to ward off demons:

“Creatures of the night

Come not into the light

Leave the sparkling souls be

Let them find peace

Let them be happy

No longer will you stretch out your wanting claws

Your evil won’t do a thing

You won’t come for us”

The audience clapped and cheered after he was finished. In the distance, he saw the woman start to fade away. His spell had worked! The woman was disappearing! She-

She was in his mind, coming at full force. Her darkness engulfed his light, her corruption took hold of his body. She didn’t like to be messed with. She didn’t like to be defied.

Malcolm felt his eyes close up, his throat close up, his heart close up…

His body fell to the floor, but his soul was no more.