*This story is underneath my folder titled “Jester and fairy”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1005 . Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
Outside, the snow was building up on the ground, creating a landscape of glittering, tantalizing white. In the neighborhood that Kix lived in, all of the homes were mansions, including his own, so when Christmas came around, the snow would lay itself down on the roofs, the lights would twinkle like angels blinking their bleary eyes as they woke up from their summer slumber.
There was a certain air to Christmas that the young boy didn’t hold up to reality. It all seemed too good to be true. The parties, the food, the gifts. In such a cold month where people had to stay locked up in their homes for most of the time to keep themselves warm, somehow, they had all found ways to see each other despite whatever the weather may have had in mind.
Sometimes, Kix wondered what Christmas was like for people who weren’t rich. Did they have so many obligations to follow? Granted, he liked doing a bunch of different things, as it added to the excitement, but it got to be a lot quite often. Did they enjoy it more or were they miserable? Was he missing something or did he already have everything?
But in that one Christmas morning, when he was seven and his little sister, Karissa, was five, he tried not to dwell on such serious thoughts. It was Christmas Day, all he had to think about was opening presents and seeing family members.
Mom grabbed two colorful boxes underneath the Christmas tree, Dad sat on the couch, watching intently with his cup of coffee. One time, Dad let Kix have a sip and it tasted like absolute garbage. How could anybody drink that?
Adults were strange.
“These came all the way from the North Pole!” Mom said cheerily as she handed Kix and Karissa a box each.
From the North Pole? Then that meant that they must have been special gifts or else why would they have gone through the trouble of being sent to them both?
Kix ripped apart the wrapping paper, heart racing with joy at whatever waited in the box. When he finished ripping it apart, he opened the lid of the white cardboard box, for there was still much to discover.
Goodness! Nestled sweetly in the swarm of white tissue paper was a magenta and blue yarn jester doll with big black button eyes. It had a pale face and a stitched smile, as though it had such wonderful jokes to tell!
Kix picked up the doll from the box and held it tenderly close to him. His new best friend, whom he could hug forever and ever and ever!
“A doll?! I wanted a necklace!” Karissa screamed, throwing her doll across the room.
Kix flinched, startled by her shout. Mom and Dad had rushed to comfort her, but his attention had been drawn to the fairy yarn doll in the yellow dress with the button eyes and the brown hair.
Kix got up from the couch, still holding the jester doll in one hand and picked the fairy doll up with the other hand.
Maybe all three of them could be friends!
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi creeper! Thought I'd tackle a review for this story...
So you do a great job setting up the scenery at the beginning of a sort of fairy-tale winter wonderland, almost too perfectly perfect that you know something is going to happen to upset all that.
The way that you talked about the rich vs poor contrast was a little heavy-handed in my opinion. I think that usually class-rhetoric is a little more subtle outside of fairy-tales. Something to consider for making the story feel more "true to life" - but it does help establish Kix's background a bit of their inner dialogue.
Something I've mentioned with your stories before is beware parts of the plot that not only distract from the plot but slow down the pace and add confusion. A common critique with culinary plating is do not add inedible garnish because it serves to purpose to the taste of the dish! The same is true for literary works. If a section of the story doesn't add plot, scenery/mood, characterization or symbolism it is probably not necessary and at worst slows down the plot to add confusion. In this story I couldn't understand why the aside about the parents drinking coffee was in there as it doesn't enhance the mood or tell us anything about any of the characters of consequence and doesn't advance the plot. These sorts of things I'd leave out, and embellish parts to the plot more essential to the story (like maybe lengthen the description of the dolls? or a little more about the sister's reaction?)
Plot-wise this story didn't go anywhere and so reads a bit like a chapter 1 where I am curious if there's a part 2 somewhere. We had exposition, characterization, but no conflict or resolution leaving us on a bit of a cliff-hanger. I'm not sure why it is of consequence that the sister didn't like the doll, but I'm guessing it is to show contrast of the sister's spoiled nature compared to Kix's thoughtfulness.
I think the Mom and Dad rushing to comfort Karissa really shows that spoiled side, as it comes across as a very ungrateful reaction to the gift that the parents shouldn't tolerate! Makes me as a reader grumpy on Kix's behalf!
Have a great day!
alliyah
Next! For Violet Victory!
Love the first sentence, nice descriptions!
Hm sometimes you use these very …cumbersome phrasings like “the neighbourhood that Kix lived in”, it feels very clunky to me 😊
It sounds like Kix has had the better life when it comes to this. Only Karissa makes it less enjoyable, I guess…
I feel like if Karissa and Ysabelle switched parents, they would have been so so happy XD
I mean then Ysabelle and Kix couldn’t become a couple but they could still be the best siblings in the world :3
Kix is such a sweetheart :3